I Think I Kinda, You Know | Joshua Bassett

Epilogue

My phone drops to the ground. Tears start feeling up my puffy eyes once again.

Is he... Is he dead?

No. No of course he's not! Why would I think that? He's okay! I know he is.

Without thinking about it too much, I start sprinting downstairs and out my house again. My legs are already super sore from earlier but I'm not even thinking about that.

He got into another accident. It hasn't even been a month! And he's still recovering from the surgery. Yet he got into another accident.

He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve any of these. He's been going through so much. And now... He's suffering again.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Josh. This was all my fault. I made you go through this again. I made you suffer once again.

I'm sorry I broke your heart. I'm sorry this happened to you. To us. I've been such a fool. Please give me one more chance to fix all of these. Please let me fix all of these.

I'm getting closer and closer to the park. Just right outside, I start to see people everywhere. I see a white van and a few police cars. People are crowding one area. I start running toward the big crowd.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" I push through the crowd.

In the middle of it, I find Josh laying on the ground with blood everywhere. Police officers are there, along with medical people. The cast is at the other end of the circle, right in front of me. They're all crying. Liv has her hands covering her mouth. Sofia and Julia are hugging each other. And the rest pretty much have the same expression.

I make my way carefully to gather with the rest of the cast.

"Rach!" Liv says once she sees me. Her voice trembles when she speaks. We both immediately hug each other. We pull away like 10 seconds later.

I look back around. Wait, why is everyone still here? Why are we not on our way to the hospital right now? What are we waiting for? He needs to be rushed to the hospital, right?

"Why aren't we going to the hospital? He needs to be rushed to the hospital, right? Why is everyone still here? Why aren't we moving?!"

"It's too late, Rach," Matt says, looking at me. He looks hopeless.

"He's dead."

No. No, he can't be. He can't be! He can't be dead!

Matt... Tell me you're lying! Tell me you're fucking lying! Come on... Come on tell me!

"I'm sorry."

No. No! That's now what I wanted to hear! You're joking, right? Everyone here is joking! Everyone is fucking joking!

The entire cast is looking at me while still crying. I can't even change the expression on my face. I'm sure I still have a shocked face. I can't even move my face. It feels numb.

I don't know if I can be sad at this point, because I still don't believe what Matt said. But then my eyes start to water. It starts getting harder for me to breathe. I cover my mouth with my hand and I just break down crying.

Sofia walks toward me and start hugging me, comforting me by rubbing her hand on my back.

Why is this happening? Why is this happening to him? He doesn't deserve this! He doesn't deserve any of these! He doesn't deserve to die! Why is this happening to him?!

I still need to apologize to him! I broke his heart. I broke his heart and I need to apologize to him for it! And now I can't. He's already gone. Forever.