I Think I Kinda, You Know | Joshua Bassett

38 - Senior Year

Time flies so quickly. Summer is now over. Today is my first day of school. As a senior. And my first day of school without Josh.

Right now I'm eating breakfast. I just have pancakes and some berries. Nothing special at all. After I'm done with my food, I take my backpack and take a look at myself in the mirror, making sure I look fresh and not like a dead person. I fix my hair and then I'm ready to go.

Then there's a knock on the front door. My mom gets the door.

"Oh hi, Joshua!"

My eyes widen. Joshua? What is he doing here this early? He's not going back to school anymore he just graduated!

"Oh Rachel is still here she was just about to leave," my mom says.

"Guess I'm right on time," he smiles.

I walk to the front door.

"Oh there she is!" My mom says as she sees me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I'm walking you to school."

"Well Rachel you better get going. You don't wanna be late!" My mom says.

"Alright. I'll see you later mom."

"Bye! Don't forget to eat your lunch!"

"I'll see you later, Lucy!" Josh says, waving at my mom.

"Bye!" My mom waves at him.

"What is up with you?" I ask him playfully.

"What?"

"You woke up this early just to walk me to school?"

"What, you don't want me walking you to school?"

"Nooo. I mean like... You woke up this early just to walk me to school? Or did you even sleep last night?"

"Of course I did! I just... You know how every first day of school we always go to school together? I know I don't go to school anymore but... You still do. And I don't want to ruin the thing we've been doing since forever."

"Joshy! That's really sweet! But school's gonna be different now. We've literally been in the same school ever since we met. School's gonna be so boring without you."

"Come on! You still have Abby and Miranda and Amelia and like 7 other friends!"

"Who?"

"I don't know. You usually hang out with a lot of people."

"But there's still someone missing!"

"Hey we can still hang out after school. We can hang out after school today if you want."

"Of course!"

It only takes us a few minutes to get to school. It doesn't even feel like a few minutes, it feels like a few seconds because we were talking and laughing so much.

We arrive at school. There's already a lot of people. I still have about 10 minutes before the bell rings.

"Thanks for walking me to school today," I say.

He smiles. "Text me after school, okay? I'll pick you up."

"Okay."

He gives me a soft, quick kiss on the lips.

"I'll see you after school."

"Alright. Bye," he says softly with his sweet smile on his lips. I smile back to him.

I turn around and start walking to the main entrance of the building.

"Yo, Josh!"

"Hey man what's up?"

I turn around to see Josh giving a high five then a bro hug to someone. It's his friend, Sam. They're both talking with wide smile on their faces. His smile makes me smile. He notices that I'm still looking at him and glances at me. I turn around and get inside.

***

Lunch time. I'm in the cafeteria with Abby, Miranda, and Amelia.

"So how was summer with your new boyfriend?" Miranda teases, eating her fries.

"I mean it was just the same. The only difference is now he's my boyfriend."

"Have you guys... You know..."

"No, Amelia. We haven't," I answer, laughing a little.

"I was just making sure!"

"How about you, Abby? How're you and Brent?" Miranda asks

"We're good. We actually went to a Brockhampton's concert if you guys didn't see my Instagram story."

"Oh my god of course I saw them! You literally posted a new story every 30 seconds that night!" Amelia says.

"Oh yeah you spammed like 70 stories that night you literally filmed the entire concert!" I laugh.

"I mean... It's Brockhampton!"

"Honestly I would do the same thing if I went to their concert," Amelia says.

We continue to chat and have fun together but then I realize something.

I'm not spending lunch with Josh. After like 11 years of always sharing our foods and spending time together during lunch, today is the first time in a long time that I'm not spending lunch with him. I mean I'm still having fun with the girls, but it's just different. There's something missing. And the bad news is, I have to get used to it for the next year.

It's only the first day but I already miss it. I miss him stealing my food. I miss all the stupid jokes he makes during lunch. I miss that pink Hydroflask he always brings to school. I miss everything we do during lunch.

"Rachel! Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

The bell rings, signaling that lunch is over.

"I have to go to Biology," Miranda rolls her eyes.

"Yeah. It's the worst," Amelia replies rolling her eyes too.

Abby and I just laugh.

"See you guys later!" Abby says.

We all say goodbyes and walk to our next class. Abby and I have Chemistry so we walk to Chemistry together.

"Hey. I noticed you earlier. Do you have something in your mind?"

"No... I was just... Trying to remember what Mr. Thompson said earlier," I lie.

"It was Josh, wasn't it? It's like your first time not spending lunch with him?" She asks.

I take a deep breath. "I don't know. Lunch just feels weird without him."

"I know it's hard. You guys have been friends for so long. It was also really weird for me not spending lunch with Brent even though we've only known each other since freshman year. But hey we got each other now! And we still got and Miranda and Amelia. We can spend every lunch together!"

"Yeah. I guess I'm just not used to it yet."

We arrive at Chemistry and we sit next to each other.

So far, my first day of school sucks. I really miss our goodbyes when we're going to class. I miss that small talk we have when we pass each other in the hallway. I miss seeing you hang out with your friends. I miss seeing you getting in trouble with the teachers. School just doesn't feel right without you, Josh.