I Think I Kinda, You Know | Joshua Bassett

13 - April 4th

Today is the day. Thursday, April 4th 2019. My 17th birthday.

I wake up as usual, except I got a lot of notifications on my phone of my friends wishing my happy birthday. From text messages to Instagram stories. They're all filled with birthday wishes.

Josh has wished me happy birthday since midnight. He sent me like 20 text messages just spamming happy birthday, and he has at least 3 ugly pictures of me up on his IG story.

I get ready for school as usual. I walk to school as usual. Once I get to my class everyone starts to wish me happy birthday. It makes me so happy that my classmates actually remember my birthday.

Lunch time. More friends wish me happy birthday. I sit with Abby, Miranda, and Amelia and just eat our lunches. We agreed that we're going to Lunchroom Cafe after school to celebrate my birthday. It's the small cafe that Abby, Brent, Josh and I went before we went bowling.

Speaking of Josh, this year really is my first birthday without him ever since I know him. I'm mad about it. And I'm sad about it. But I know he's busy and wants to do his best for his job. And I can't do anything about it.

I always try to forget about it. Just laughing with my friends and even a simple happy birthday can make me forget about the fact that he's not here. But it always comes back minutes after. My mind keeps reminding me that he's not here with me. It makes me want to cry. I can feel my eyes start to water.

"Rachel? Rachel!"

I snap out of my thoughts. "Huh, what?"

"I called you 4 times. Are you okay?" Amelia asks.

"Yeah totally. Why wouldn't I?"

Then someone comes to our table. I glance up to see who's standing. It's none other than Logan.

"Hey. Just wanted to say happy birthday," he says.

Amelia and Miranda are looking at each other with a confused look on their faces.

"Oh yeah thanks."

"I gotta go. My friends are waiting for me," he points with his thumb. I just nod.

Once he's gone, Miranda and Amelia are both looking at me.

"You hang out with Logan now?! What got into you?" Miranda asks in disbelief.

"Well... Not really-"

"Are you two dating?" Amelia cuts me off.

"What? No! Of course not!"

"I think he likes you. I think he has feelings for you!" Amelia starts to panic.

"What are you guys talking about? We're just friends! Chill!"

"Rachel please for the love of god... don't be with him," Miranda warns.

"I'm not, okay? You guys should stop worrying!"

"Okay I believe you. But seriously. There are still better guys than him. For example. Joshua," Abby smirks.

It reminds me again of Josh. He really isn't coming home.

"He's not coming home for my birthday."

"What? Why not?" Abby asks in shock.

"He's busy."

"Oh I'm sorry, Rachel."

***

School is over. We're at Lunchroom Cafe. We're just eating and celebrating my birthday with a pizookie and a candle. There's Abby, Brent, Miranda, Amelia, and Seth, Amelia's twin brother. Him and I are not like super close, but we hung out a couple times. They're all singing happy birthday to me.