I Think I Kinda, You Know | Joshua Bassett

64 - Should I?

It's been a week since it happened. Since I broke up with him. My sleep schedule is still messed up because I still couldn't sleep after 4 days. Not because I "miss" him or anything. Ew no. I just overthink too much.

I told Abby everything. Every detail of it. She came over to my house for 3 days straight after I told her. The cast ended up knowing. Josh told them about it. But they were all very supportive to me. They all made sure I was okay. Most of the girls also said that Josh is a jerk for doing that which made me feel even better because... I know that they're on my side.

Liv and I have been texting and she's been telling me everything she knows from her perspective. Basically, she said that the cast hung out together a few days ago and Josh showed up looking like shit. They were also very confused why he didn't show up with me because they all told Josh to invite me as well. Everyone asked him what's wrong. He said that he cheated and that he hated himself for doing it.

Liv said when he said he cheated, no one believed him. Then he started telling what happened. He still said he was hallucinating and that he thought she was me. Everyone believed him and tried to understand him at the time. They all felt bad for him. But as the girls and I started texting and talking, I'm pretty sure they hate him now.

The girls and I had a little girls-day-out yesterday. We went shopping and thrifting and we had a lot of fun.

I literally love my friends so much. I've definitely gotten so much better in the last few days. I don't know how I'd be without them. I'd probably still have a mental breakdown if they weren't there for me.

Anyway, it's about 5 pm now. I'm just chilling in my room listening to music and scrolling through Instagram with a bag of Doritos next to me. Then I start getting bored so I close Instagram and open YouTube. I scroll through my recommendation page and tap on a random video.

I continue watching a few more videos until my throat is starting to hurt from eating too much Doritos. I need to grab a drink.

I go downstairs to my kitchen and open my fridge to find something to drink. I'm hoping to find one of those glass bottle Starbucks frappucino drink thing because we usually always have that in our fridge but I think we ran out.

I roll mye eyes and close the fridge back in disappoinment. I'm just gonna get water.

I start filling up my glass and start drinking out of it.

"Hey, isn't today Winter's wedding?" My mom asks while she prepares to make dinner.

I instantly stop gulping my drink out of reflex while my hand is still subconsciously tilting the glass and pouring the drink into my mouth, making me spill some water on the floor and making me almost die choking. My eyes widen 3 times the original size.

Wait what day is it today?

I wake my phone on my other hand to see the date. It says Saturday, December 8.

Holy shit. Today is Winter's wedding.

I run back to my room out of panic. I don't know what to do. Should I go? Ugh but I don't want to see him! I really don't wanna see him! Ugh but I already bought the dress and everything specifically for today! Also the dress was fucking expensive so I have to wear it... Which means I have to go because I'm probably not gonna wear this dress again. Ugh but I don't want to! And I'm kinda late anyway so... Whatever I'm not going.

Ugh but like... Should I? I've been literally walking back and forth in my room trying to make a decision for the past 5 minutes and I'm still not sure if I should go or not.

Okay final decision, no I'm not going. I don't care about the dress. I can wear it some other time. I just don't wanna be around him. Period.

I finally sit down on my bed after walking back and forth like a headless chicken. That's it. I'm not going.

I'm not going.

But I mean... Today is a big day for Winter. She's already like my own big sister. I should be celebrating with her! Ugh why am I so indecisive?

You know what, screw it. I'm going. For Winter. For Winter and for Winter only.

I hop into the shower and start getting ready.

I take the dress in my closet and put it on. Then I do my hair and make up.

It's about 6:30 now. I'm super late. But hey, it's better to show up late than not showing up at all... Right?

After spending about 15 minutes on my make up, I'm finally done. Now I just need to put on lipstick.

I open my vanity drawer that has my lip stuff. I actually have the perfect lipstick that's going to look good with my make up. It matches my eye shadow so well. And I think it's also gonna look good with the dress.

I start looking at my little pile of lipstick collection but it's not there. Oh no. Where did I put it? It's my favorite lipstick it can't be gone!

I start opening every drawer, just in case I accidentally put it in the wrong drawer last time. I open the drawer that has my jewelry in it and a black box caught my attention.

I honestly almost forgot that I have this. It's the necklace. The necklace Josh gave me and asked me to wear.

I take the box and open it. Wow. I almost forgot how beautiful the necklace actually is.

But the question is, should I wear this? I mean yeah I promised him to wear it tonight but... That was before our break up. We're not a thing anymore, so... I feel like it's not necessary anymore. I don't have to wear it since we're not a thing anymore, right?

I close the box and put it back inside the drawer. I know I'm already super late so I better continue looking for my lipstick.

I check every drawer in my room. I check my desk, my dresser, everywhere. I check inside my purse to see if it's there and thankfully, I found it there.

I quickly go to my vanity and apply it before putting it to this fancy little purse I'm bringing with me, along with a few bucks and other necessities.

I spray on some perfume and grab my silver heels from my closet before heading downstairs. I sit down on the couch in my living room and put on my heels.

Then I remember something. Since I don't have a boyfriend anymore, no one is gonna pick me up. Which means I have to drive myself to the venue. Great.

"Wow, looking pretty tonight!" A voice from behind startles me.

I look back to see my dad in a button up shirt. "Oh hey dad!"

"Going somewhere fancy?" He asks while fixing up his collar.

"Yeah. I'm going to Winter's wedding."

"Winter... As in... Joshua's sister?"

"Yeah."

"Alright well... Have fun!"

"Um actually... Dad can I take your car?"

He looks at me with a confused look. "Isn't Josh gonna pick you up?"

"Um no. He can't. He's... Family. He has to do... Rehearsal and things like that," I stutter a little while trying to think of words to say.

"Oh... Okay. Well you can't take my car because I have a meeting with someone from work that I have to attend but I can drop you there if you want."

"Oh yeah, that'd be great. Thanks dad!"

Thank god my dad can drop me off there. I really don't wanna drive all the way there, especially in these heels.

A few minutes later, I leave the house with my dad and we go straight to the venue. About 20 minutes later, we arrive there.

I say goodbye to my dad and get out of the car. I enter the building where I can already hear music playing. I honestly have no idea which direction I should go so I just follow the music.

Then I see 2 big open doors in front of me. The music comes from behind this wall. I'm kinda a little nervous to go inside because I'm scared that people are just gonna stare at me and think why is this lady 3 hours late.

But I just brush it off my shoulder and take a deep breath.

"For Winter," I mumble to myself before walking in.