Saviors ; 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘥

059. ꕥ Comforting

Some people would say you have to know someone for a long time to consider them your best friend. I disagree. I had known Finn for just about two months, and we thought of each other as best friends. We just clicked when we first met — I don't know how to explain it — and that didn't change during the time that we knew each other. I found it easy to talk to him, and I think he thought the same for me. That's why he told me he was going to give himself up because he trusted me. Not that he didn't trust Raven or Clarke... I think it's just that he knew I wouldn't try to stop him, and I hate that I didn't. I regret it. What if I could've stopped him by just talking to him? What if, instead of keeping it to myself, I went out and told Bellamy, Clarke, or Raven what Finn was going to do. But no, I just had to keep it to myself because, at that time, I thought it was the best option. I thought it was going to keep everyone safe.

I didn't know Finn for very long, but he became a big part of my life. He had quickly become the person that I would look to for comfort. He was my best friend. Was — Meaning past tense. He was — no, is — my best friend. I told him that wouldn't change, and it was not going to.

Sure, I had John, and he will always be one of the most important people in my life, but as I said, I couldn't talk to him about things I could with Finn. I had Harper too, and as I said, I don't know how to explain it — it was just different with Finn. Plus, when they weren't here, Finn was. I could talk to Finn about how much I was going to miss John. And Finn caught onto things fairly quickly. He was the first person to openly ask about Bellamy and me, and he convinced me that I should forgive Bellamy, and I now realize he did that because of what he saw. Finn saw that we cared for each other and that it was eating me alive to be mad at Bellamy. A part of me will always be thankful that Finn convinced me to forgive him.

The inside of my stomach felt horrible — me as a whole, I just felt awful. That made me think about what Raven was feeling. Finn was her family; they knew each other for I don't know how long. I hated thinking about what Raven was going through right now.

After it had happened, Raven rushed down to Finn's body. I didn't want to go — I couldn't, not right now. I couldn't go down there and see Finn's lifeless body. I wanted to remember him as the caring and peaceful person he was.

I sat with my knees pulled to my chest as far as they would come with my arms were wrapped around them with my back against the Ark. I guess you could say I was hiding; there were barely any people around me, and it was almost pitch black where I was. My eyes stared through the wired fence and out at the dark, vast forest ahead of me.

"Jo." I knew whose voice that was. It was deep and sounded almost out of breath. "There you are. I was looking everywhere for you."

I didn't take my eyes off the forest as I spoke with a hoarse voice from not speaking for so long. "I'm right here. Didn't go that far."

Bellamy didn't respond as he sat down next to me. He didn't say anything else either he stared at the forest like I was. Honestly, I didn't know if I wanted him to say anything or not.

I knew when Bellamy's head turned to me; I could feel his eyes on me; they weren't drilling into my head like before. When I turned my head to meet his eyes, I saw they were soft.

"I didn't know Finn for that long..." I trailed off for a moment. "but I'm still going to miss him."

Bellamy let out a sigh. "I know." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and brought me closer. I settled in, resting my head on his shoulder.

I closed my eyes before I spoke. "He told me what he was going to do." Pausing for a moment, I thought if I wanted to tell Bellamy — tell him the horrible truth that I knew what Finn was doing and didn't do anything about it. I ultimately decided I should tell someone. "He told me he was going to give himself up. That he wouldn't let anyone else die because of him. And I let him, I let him turn himself in and get killed. I didn't try to stop him."