I loved Ashtray, nothing could really stop me from loving him. But i felt like he deserved someone better than me. He deserved someone smarter and prettier than me and maybe someone who could handle drugs as well as him. I wasn't the perfect match for him, i knew it. But he didn't. I wanted to leave him so he could find someone better but i knew it would be hard for him..and me too.
IM FRIENDLY AND THOUGHTFUL
I had the personality he wanted. Ashtray told me countless times about his love for my personality. I knew when he was lying and when he wasn't, so i knew that every single time..it was the truth. I sat in my room, waiting for Ash to come over and when he finally arrived, i let him in and we sat next to each other on the couch, he gazed at me lovingly.
AND QUITE AWFULLY PRETTY
"What?" I asked with a nervous smile and Ashtray shrugged "You're just hella fine, ma" he replied and my heart broke knowing what i was gonna do now. "Anyway, why did you call me over?" He asked, holding my hand. I gulped and avoided his eyes, i looked anywhere but at him. "Ma?" He asked gently and i sniffed. "Ash..this is really hard for me to do but.." i stopped and wiped my tears away.
"But.." he whispered and i stared into his eyes. "I think we should end this..." I finally said, gesturing between us both. I could tell just by his facial expression that his heart broke right then and there. "Why?" He asked bluntly, i heard the pain in his voice no matter how hard he tried to stay strong. I stayed quiet and looked down. Suddenly, i felt a weight on my shoulder. Ash laid his head there.
BUT HE NEEDED MORE THAN ME
"Don't leave me..." i heard him mumble, his voice breaking. "You don't deserve me, Ash" I replied in a whisper and he obviously disagreed. He sat up and shook his head with tears in his eyes. "No, no...Y/n i need you" he cried. "Ash..don't you realise? I'm not good enough for you, i'm not perfect" I explained and he sniffed and shook his head at me, bringing his head up to rest his forehead against mine.
"I want you, i need you. Please don't let those stupid things in your head get in the way. I love you, you're the best thing thats ever happened to me. Why do you think I'm this nice to you?" He rambled on, his eyes searching mine to see if I would change my mind, and of course i did. I didn't want my insecurities get in the way of our relationship, that'll be stupid. Why did i even try to leave him anyway?
I smiled weakly as my lips quivered. "I love you Ash" I whispered and pressed my lips against his and he instantly kissed back. "I'm sorry for trying to leave you, i let the unnecessary things get in the way" I explained, my voice breaking. Ash quickly shook his head. "Ma, don't apologise. I love you so much, don't worry about this, understand me?" I nodded my head he pulled me into a careful hug.
