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"I told her this was the last time." Josh sighed. " I just don't understand. I really tried. Maybe it's time for a divorce to be something that we need to do. I feel like the conversation needs to be started."
" at least you tried, I don't really know what to say because I never saw or experienced divorce."
" she probably gonna take all my shit." I covered my mouth and laughed. "It's not funny Amillion." I uncovered my mouth and he started laughing.
" I am so sorry but the way you said it." I shook my head. "She can't take all your stuff, can she?"
" she not to get all my shit are we gonna have a problem. That's all I can say about that. She gone meet who I really am, I will kill that bitch."
" you cannot kill her. You will be the first suspect. Then Gia is gonna get all your money and she will spend it on drugs and loose hookers. Then you gone look at me for help and I'm a put some money on your books, but only if we have conjugal visit. I am not paying your ass for no reason. then you gonna have to put me down as your wife and then why the fuck would I marry a broke man? It's just a lot of questions." I shooked my head and I realized he was cracking the fuck up.
I didn't find a joke, everything that I just said was real shit.
"Drugs, and lose hookers- what the fuck." He laughed. " You wouldn't marry me if I was broke?"
" if you were broke, and you had ambition, and you were actively trying to do better and genuinely trying and making progress. I will marry you, but I'm not gonna marry you off of your potential you are a grown ass man. So it depends. See you... I know that you know how to make some shit happen so with you it's not really... you know? I am not going to say that I would, because broke men are very angry."
" Angry?"
" yes, miserable and they blame everybody for them not being able to be where they wanna be in life when really it's all up to them." He laughed. " so if you're not or nasty or dusty, crusty, or musty. I'm for sure going to fuck on you but marry you I don't know." He left to died down and he signed.
" this shit is so crazy, I really wish that we didn't meet on the circumstances that we did. Or I wasn't married to my wife. I will never regret my daughter so. It's like it's impossible for us to have a future because how everything is set up. That is the fucked up part about it. And I blamed you for so long but it's really just life. Life is unfair and it's fucking confusing. You are just on a different level. You know how to get through it and surpass bullshit. You know what you want and you do it. I haven't been able to achieve that goal."
" yes you have though, look at your lifestyle, come on. Look at your business. You put in a hard work, you got what the fuck you wanted to get out of life. Give yourself some credit, we talked about this you have to start congratulating and celebrating yourself as much as you judge and ridicule yourself. All of that, trauma, and bondage, that your parents put you through and/or pass down on you is not your fault. That's what I had to teach myself because if not, I would've still been sad and depressed. I just learned to love myself and now I expect things from myself so I won't get caught up in anyone else's light. You gotta love yourself, that's all it is. It sounds cliché, but it's the truth."
