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" I understand what you're saying but listen to what I am saying. I'm not a side bitch type of bitch... I am not someone that you can play with and I am telling you this right now. The same way you be crazy is the same way that I match energy. So whatever you do and give out you're going to get back. I am not for the cheating, the abusing, whether it's mentally, physically, emotionally, verbally, financially... I'm not with none of that. I'm not pressed about keeping no man just to say I have a man. I don't give a fuck about none of that And I'm letting you know right now." I explained to him and he nodded. " seriously, your sister is my best friends... She has helped me out so much. Even with letting me stay at her house to finish school. She helps me so much and I would never disrespect her or go out my way to disrespect Joshua, or anybody around her that loves her. But once we step into this and we take that step, this is about me and you. Our business stays between us." He nodded.
"Well I have to tell Joshua."
" are you taunting me right now?" He nodded. " don't be an asshole." He stopped smiling and nodded.
" my apologies."
"Okay do you truly understand what I am saying to you?"
" you wanna be my girlfriend," he smiled and I laughed.
" honestly, that is the only way that I am willing to let you fuck."
" so do you really wanna be my girl or you just wanna fuck?" He asked me and I laughed.
" you've been bothering me for a very long time, and you have yet to take me on a date. We can pretend that you are slow or whatever people like to do but I know that you are way more than what people think you are." He grabbed my leg and pulled me closer to him.
" we don't have to pretend anything. This shit fucking annoys me. I hate how everyone treats me. I know they have no ill intentions, but it is very harmful to my mind. They treat me as though I'm less than. I'm not capable or I'm not able." I nodded. " I am fully capable of taking care of my kids, and I am fully able to provide for them. Yes, I did drugs, I never denied it, and I never lied about any of that. I never did. I done crack, coke, I did it. I popped pills but I am better, I changed. I want my kids." He shook his head and got up. "My kid don't deserve this, to feel like we don't want them. I do. I need them." He paced.
"I know. That is the case a lot of the times. You feel like you need a reason to live." He sighed.
"I don't understand why everybody hates me. All the odds are against me." He sighed. "I am so unhappy." I nodded.
"I can tell." He stoped and looked at me. "You always try to make everybody happy. You are masking. I can tell you are deeply unhappy."
"I never... I never wanted to be this way. I wanted to be a firefighter or fucking Joker." I laughed.
"You are nuts, why joker?" He laughed.
"He was the shit and he did it all with a smile. He was in so much pain and he smiled."
