a lifeline

61 (edited)

* trigger warning - drug use, panic attacks, mention of rape, self harm*

everyone was just chilling on the beach making conversation whilst victoria was fully zoned out, she was in derealisation and was reliving her past.. the abuse, the rape, the self harm, the overdoses.. everything.

she had been like this for around 20 minutes and was starting to snap out of it when she felt a panic attack come along instead, she didn't want everyone too see her in such state so she walked back to her villa and into her room after locking the bedroom door behind her.

she was actually being trusted with having her knife in her room which probably wasnt smart as she was panicking and needed a release..

victoria picked up her knife and sat against the bedroom door, she began making small cuts on her upper thighs and could instantly feel herself calming down when the red liquid came dripping down her thighs.

she made cuts on both thighs and just watched as the blood slipped down her skin till she heard a knock at her door, "tori.. you in there?" antonio asked.

"mhm.. whats up?" victoria muffled her cries and got off the floor, she grabbed some tissue and wiped the blood splats off the floor before then grabbing some antiseptic wipes and quickly cleaning up her thighs.

she wasn't particularly bothered about hiding the cuts as it was bound to happen sooner or later, she had felt herself needing to relapse for days and the fact that she was able to hold off on the urges for that long was good enough for her so she opened her bedroom door and laid in her bed.

tori pulled the covers over her and laid on her side, she was still crying but had zero energy to try and hide it so she just layed there weeping as antonio shut the door behind himself and laid next to victoria, as an instant reaction she layed her head on his chest and held onto his hand tightly.

"whats going on..?" antonio then felt the cuts from victorias thighs rub against his own and he instantly realised what had happened.

"shhh... im here, you're okay baby.." antonio pulled victoria in closer and hugged her tightly as she cried harder than she ever cried before.. she was at her breaking point and she had no idea what caused her to fall this deep into the hole.

by this point victoria was straddling antonios hips with her hands tightly around his neck, her head rested inbetween her left arm and antonios neck whilst he rubbed up and down her back in attempt to calm her down.

this was only the beginning of a depressive episode, usually for victoria they would last for a few days if she were lucky but weeks if she were unlucky.

she had been sobbing for thirty minutes before she was able to calm down and stop crying, the result of crying so hard was bloodshot eyes, tear stained cheeks and extreme exhaustion.

"..im having another episode...i dont know what triggered it but.. i relapsed and now people are going to stare at me.. i hate when this happens.. i just.. i can't do it anymore." victoria sobbed out, she was still balling her eyes out however she was no longer hysterical.

"its not your fault, you can't control when this happens baby.. c'mon your exhausted get some sleep yeah? i'll be right here or if you want to we can go back outside and you can lay with me out there?" antonio kissed victoria's head repeatedly.

".. we can sit outside, i can't leave you though.. i'll end up doing something stupid and i really don't wanna" victoria whispered.

"i'll stay right by your side mkay?" antonio assured, victoria stayed wrapped around his waist whilst he got up out of the bed and carried her outside and onto the beach.