Chapter 14: What If

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LEXA POV

Luna, Anya, and I were having a blast in her cafe talking about our dreams and what ifs.

Anya: Come on, what's your biggest what if, Lexa?

Me: My biggest what if is probably 'What if I'm not an actress"

I paused for a second and look at Luna. I know she understand what I meant. Anya on the other just laughed since she doesn't know.

I slightly laughed so that Anya couldn't push on it. But then Anya started to look back on forth from me and Luna. I know she knows something is up.

Anya: Okay, what the fuck's going on?

Luna and I just stare at the floor quietly. I made her promise so I know she won't say anything.

Me: Nothin, An. What are you implying?

Anya: Oh don't bullshit me Lexa.

Luna: hey, don't say that.

Anya: Oh shut it Lun. Clearly there's something going on. And I demand for the either both of you to tell me now.

I sigh. I know we can't get out of this so I looked at Anya with a sad smile.

Me: Don't be mad at Luna. I made her promise not to tell you.

Anya: Tell me what?

I paused for a moment. Luna came closer to me and gave me a comforting rub in my hands signaling that it's okay. I gave her a warm smile.

Me: An, lately, I've been thinking about leaving the show business industry.

Anya: What? Why?

Me: It's just that, everything is overwhelming already. I want what you and Luna have. I want to go out on my own, free. And I want to do what I want to do without anyone stopping me.

Anya: You know you can do that right? Even if you're an actress?

Me: Yeah I know, but there's just a lot of rules. And I can't give up on Titus. I became famous because of his connections.

Anya: Do you want me to talk to him?

Me: No, it's okay. It's just a what if.

Anya: Yeah but if it's your happiness on the line, I wouldn't want to say that it's just a What If. Why didn't you tell me this?

Me: I was afraid you'd get mad.

Anya: Mad? Why would I? You're my little sister. I would do anything to make sure you're happy, Lexa.

Me: I'm sorry, sis. It's just that...

I stopped. I don't know if I should say that I'm talking to some stranger online that made me think of my career path. But at the same time, I know it's too soon. I can't risk all my sacrifices for some 'what if' person.

 I can't risk all my sacrifices for some 'what if' person

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