Survive ( twd carlgrimes)

Chapter 33

MADISONS POV.

My eyes flutter open to the sight of my old room and I twist my head to look at Abbie finally sleeping soundly in my bed. Under her eyes are red and puffy from crying last night. Hours and hours of crying. I began to worry that it would never end. It was horrible watching her breakdown like that, it was like nothing I've ever seen before. I could barely watch.

My back is stiff against the floor of my room. It was a rough sleep but I'm surprised I managed to get any at all, so I'm not complaining. I take a deep breath and wait for grief or sadness to sink in but it doesn't come. I just feel the same empty, hollowness inside me, settling in my stomach this time instead of my chest. It makes me feel sick but I ignore it.

Thoughts of today flood my mind and I try to find something positive to look forward to but I feel like I'm grasping at straws. Last night was just so awful, I need to cheer Abbie up somehow.

I told her about mother's death, probably in more detail than she should know but she deserves to know exactly what happened and why she was out there at all. It's because of me. When I explained this to Abbie, of course she was upset.

She cried for hours in my arms but I definitely wasn't ready for her silence. She hasn't said a word to me after that. I guess she's angry with me that it was my fault. I can't blame her. I'd hate me too.

I'm too embarrased to go downstairs to the mess I've made and to face the group knowing my chaotic behavior last night. I feel like an idiot but it felt good at the time.

I can see the light starting to shine through the gaps in the curtains so I heave myself off the floor and stretch out my stiffened muscles. I leave Abbie to sleep as long as she can and reluctantly walk downstairs.

There are already a few people up, eating what they can and packing bags, getting ready for today. I stand awkwardly in the kitchen doorway.
I clear my throat and Daryl, Rick and Carol look up at me.

"I, um, I'm sorry about last night." I say and everyone just nods their head to accept my apology.
"And Rick, I'm sorry I woke Judith. I hope you got her back to sleep." I add.
"Don't worry about it." He says while making himself breakfast. His response throws me for a second. I was expecting his usual harsh words a judgmental glare.

I sit on a stool oppisite to Rick at the counter and he shoves over a bowl and a box of cereal. I politely decline. I'm not hungry, the hollowness is enough to fill me. It feels heavy on shoulders and no matter how much I squirm, it doesn't move, it won't let go of me. It's powerful and in control and it knows it.

"How are you holdin' up" Rick asks quietly, careful not to wake the others. They must still be in the sitting room.
"Fine." I say too quickly. It sounded rude. I didn't intend it to be. I just don't want to talk about this.
"Abbie had a rough night." I add just to soften the sharp blow.
"She's a kid. She just needs time to get through this." He tells me.

There's so many questions I need to ask him but I just can't right now. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I quickly change the subject.
"Whats on the agenda for today?"

"Well, first we will bury your mother and then we will gather supplies from your house... If thats okay?" He asks.
I feel a burn in my chest when he mentions my mother. It's the hollowness glaring wildly inside me, spreading to my chest like an untamable epidemic.
"Sure, no problem." I mutter.
"And then we'll leave." He finishes.

I nod. Now it's my turn to stare at him suspiciously. Why is Rick acting all nice all of a sudden? Surely it's not sympathy, he doesn't seem to have a nice bone in his body when it comes to me. The feeling of hatred we had between each other was mutual but now he's thrown the whole thing off by being nice to me. It's hard to be a bitch to someone who's being nice to you. I've found that that's just the way me and Rick work. We're equally bitchy to each other.