Survive ( twd carlgrimes)

Chapter 106

MADISONS POV.
Two long, painful days of nothing has passed. I know my feet are taking me somewhere with the group but my mind doesn't follow, it just keeps repeating the same scene over and over. Her. Lying in the pool of her blood as her face turns a deep shade of purple while she chokes and then too quickly her eyes glazing over, her face now turning a ghost pale and her hands as cold as ice. The worst parts are when I realise what I could have done differently or What should have happened. But now, it doesn't matter because shes dead. My mind is still blank, even after two days, I still don't talk to anyone and I make it perfectly clear I don't want them to talk to me. Even Carl has tried multiple times but even he can't dull the constant, throbbing and endless pain.

I hope that if I ignore him enough he will stop trying with me, but he doesn't and all I want to do is be left alone and crawl into a ball like a child and cry myself into nothing but a pool of salted water, but the tears refuse to come, they refuse to let me escape the pain and I know its what I deserve. I deserve to feel the pain she felt though it should've been me. I know people are trying to talk to me or they're talking about me, but I don't care. Nothing matters anymore. My purpose for being here has vanished. Its gone. Just like her. I'm angry at myself for not being able to save her and not keeping my promise to her. Im mad at her for leaving me even if it was inevitable. Im jealous because she doesn't have to live in hell anymore. But none of those emotions compare to the saddness, grief, loneliness and the guilt. I have no more family, no more of the people who made me who I am, and i've disgraced them all.

I barely feel someone rattle my shoulder and my head turns but I don't make eye contact with them. I notice its Maggie because of her familar shoes and her knife strapped to her thigh. I hear her voice.
"Madison, you have to eat. You havn't eaten in two days. Your withering away." She explains.
Am I ? I don't care!
I don't notice the pain in my stomach until she told me about not eating. But I just shake my head, no. Everyone is sitting down eatting what looks like rabbit. I don't even remember them hunting it.
Were we hunting? I don't care.
I don't even know where we are. I let the pain from my stomach consume me. The pain makes me feel better, like i'm actually capable of feeling something. The pain is what I deserve.
I sit on the ground, leaning my back against a tree, away from the group, completely isolating myself from everyone. I close my eyes and still the same images flash behind my eyelids. A few moments later I feel someone tap my shoulder so I open my eyes and glare at the disturbing source.
Rick.
He lifts a spoon hovering it in front of my face.
"You need to eat." He whispers.
I don't even realise I slapped it away until I feel the slight sting on my knuckles. Furiously, I get up and grab my bow, stomping into the trees to get away from everyone. I just want to cry, to let this feeling thats building up inside me, out. I want it gone.
I keep marching away from the group, not too far that I'll get lost. I finally find an opening into a small field filled with different flowers. I walk slowy into it, watching the long grass dance in the breeze. The winter is almost over and spring is beginning, but the weather isn't cold anymore. In the field its surrounded with beautiful flowers of different colours.
Blue, purple, white, pink, yellow....
I walk into it and lie down, letting the flowers engulf me. I take deep breaths to calm myself and when I open my eyes again I stare at the flowers.
The flowers remind me of her. The beauty of the flowers resemble her, and the colours represent her constant, happy, glowing personality. I take a pink flower into my hand and pinch the tiny frail petal. It reminds me too much of her and I can't stand it. It angers me that she can't see the beauty of the flowers, the beauty she had but never acknowledged. But my surroundings of beauty are ruined by the same scene that plays in my head on repeat. She too, like the flowers, was too tiny and too frail but most of all too pure and kind. She was too good for this world and so it took her, like it takes every other good thing.
A flame that burned that bright wasnt meant to last.