Survive ( twd carlgrimes)

Chapter 79

Madisons pov.

Almost two weeks have past and I've been walking the halls in paranoia. Everywhere I go I see glimpses of my family. Standing in doorways or sitting in the corner of my room in the dark. Each time I expect them but my heart still raves with fear. I don't find any comfort in seeing them, not like how I thought I would. But I have gotten used to them being around.

I don't want them here though. I want to go back to how things were before. I don't know why this is happening, especially when I've finished my medication. They won't get out of my head. They won't leave me alone.

I keep myself busy and distracted by picking up extra shifts. I've become familiar with my regular nursing schedule as well as all my patients. I've been moved on from the elderly ward but I still go back to visit Mr. A everyday. I've become too invested in his life and I could sit for hours listening to his life stories.

I'm sure my family have suspected that I'm going crazy but they don't know what's actually happening to me. I catch them staring at me or throwing concerned glances at each other and most annoyingly, they ask too often if I'm 'okay'. How does anyone answer that question honestly these days.

Carl is getting frustrated with me. He asks too many questions.
"What's wrong?"
"What's happening?"
"Why aren't you talking?"
"What aren't you telling me?"

Questions I don't feel comfortable answering. Then he gets frustrated, I get angry and we argue. I don't want to cause these fights but I just can't bring myself to talk about it with him yet.

I've finally been moved to my own room, outside the patients wards. I share with Abbie now. It's nice to finally be back with her and to have someone to talk to instead of being cooped up in that room alone.

This week i've been moved to the maternity ward. I've been watching and learning from the doctors and midwives there. The biology behind the female body is fascinating to me. It really is incredible but even when studying it and talking to pregnant woman all I can think is;

I can't believe people are purposefully getting pregnant despite this world, this dead, dangerous, walker infested world where them and their children are never truest safe. Not even inside these walls.

Dr. Alex has been teaching Luke and I. Luke is new to this area of nursing Dr. Alex is the expert. She is showing us how to work the ultrasound. She instucted me to apply the weird looking goo to the pregnant lady's stomach.

After that she handed me a small tool to roll around the womans stomach until I could see a weird blob on the screen. It took a few patients to figure out the womb from the baby but I got the hang of it eventually. I could flip a few switches and then I could hear the heartbeat on the monitor too.

My first time in particular stood out to me. I was excited to use the new equipment and to pass on good news to the woman lying on the bed in front of me. Just like I was taught, I switched in the monitor, put the gel on her lower stomach and grabbed the probe and gently moved it around her stomach.

The scan of the baby came up on the screen and when I moved the probe from one side to the other I could see different angles of the baby. My hand froze in place when I saw someone move in the corner of the small room.
My mother. Again.

"What's wrong?" The woman panicked.
"Your face! Something's wrong!" She insists, her voice taking on a note of hysteria.
"No,no!" I assured her.
"No, sorry. I just lost my grip on the probe. I thought I was going to drop it."

I watched her relax but I could tell she didn't fully believe me.
"Look-" I say to her, pointing at the screen while I move the probe around her stomach again.
"This is the head, chest and arms. The legs are hard to miss. Ten fingers, ten toes and..." I flick the switch on the monitor and wait 30 seconds for the sound of a heartbeat to come through.
"... a perfectly healthy heartbeat."