Survive ( twd carlgrimes)

Chapter 107

Madisons pov.
When Beth and I finally go back to the group they take one look of my state and rush towards me. I guess a fifteen year old girl covered in blood from head to toe with bloodshot eyes is a little alarming.
People talk to me but I don't really listen. I feel better than I have the past two days but the pain is still there. At least now with Beths encouragement I actually acknowledge people being there. I nod, point or shake my head to others, but I don't respond with words. Its easier to communicate like that while those scenes distract me from what they're actually saying to me. Maggie and Beth kneel beside me helping me wash the blood from my face and hair. Red stained water runs down my neck and soaks the collar of my shirt. My hair is too long now, its almost passed my ass. The only person I actually talk to is Beth. Not even Carl. I can't bring myself to understand why though. I block him out so much more than I do the others.

Rick starts talking to Beth and hands her something.
"I bet your starving, i'm not gonna make you eat it, but i'm gonna leave it here in case you change your mind." She explains while placing it on the ground next to me. Its a rabbit leg. They've given me big portions lately in hopes I would eat them, but usually I refuse them and Daryl ends up finishing it until he's sucking the grease off his fingers. I stare at it and consider.

Whats the harm Madison. Just take a bite or two to please them.

So I lift the rabbit leg and bite into it, I chew quickly then swallow. I don't realise until I feel the warmth down my throat and the flavour dancing on my tongue just how hungry I am. I bite down again and again until i'm knawing on the bone and i'm hearing sounds of approval surround me.
I hear a crack in the trees and I turn to inspect the noise. Its a stray walker but Sasha finishes it.

I grab my bow and take out my knife and do something I thought of earlier, I sharpen the bottom and top of my bow until they spike out like a knife I can use this to stab my attackers also.
I hear Rick speek up so I lift my head to pay slight attention.
"So everyone .... We are all back together, so I think we should get back on track and go to Washington. We'll travel North until we find a vehicle then we can hotwire it and travel quicker."
Everyone agrees.
In the distance I hear another snap of a twig.

God dammit, these bastards are everywhere!

I feel the rage from before slip back into my veins and Beth grabs my hand and tells me to calm down, but I rip my hand from her grasp and I grab my bow. Again I march through the trees towards the walker. I push back a huge branch and find its not just one walker its hundreds, a bigger herd then what I dealt with earlier. I stumble back and trip, I scramble to my feet and run back to the group. A strangled cry escaping my lips as the walkers pick up pace.
"Run. Walkers. Everywhere." I pant.

Everyone packs their things and runs but Abraham stands tall and pulls out his gun. I try to push him back to go with the rest of the group who have vanished into the trees opposite to the ones the walkers are emerging from. The only person who stays behind for us is Carl. The walkers are closer now and I shove harder at Abrahams chest, putting all my strenght into the shoves and pushes.
"Its just a few walkers." He protests.
"No Abraham, hundreds. Theres too many." I scream paniced.
He looks down at me shocked and then up to the trees again as he see's the walkers coming from every angle. He runs slipping past a few walkers missing them by inches. I grab my things quickly and Carl hauls me by my bloody shirt and we run but we are cut off from everyone elses path by walkers and we're forced to take a new path.
There too close, dangerously close. We could be torn limb from limb in seconds my heart hammers harshly against my ribcage.
"CARL RUN!!" I scream.

The area we run in is more uphill and it has a lot more trees, so much that we are pulling the small branches away so they can't scratch us. The blood and water on my clothes and boots are weighing me down, making it harder to run. Carl is running slightly ahead of me but keeps looking back to check on me.
"COME ON!" He yells on repeat.
I sprint harder until he grabs my hand and pulls me beside him and up to his speed. Our pants are loud and uneven as we try to look for an escape root.

We find an opening through some trees and we run faster then we thought we could. As I run my bag hits off my back with every stride I take. The branches in the way scrape my face but I have to ignore the fact that my face stings and that a branch may have pulled out one of my stitches. We run but the hot sun beating down on us makes it feel like we're choking in our own sweat.

We climb a hill and my legs feel wobbily. I'm quite a small person and im very light but it feels as though i've gained a million pounds while I try to heave myself up the hill. My knees are shaking and my legs feel like they can no longer hold my weight.
"We need to find a tree. Maybe they'll pass right by us." I pant.
"No. Too dangerous. What If they find us and we get caught."
"Do you have any other ideas." I snap. He shakes his head and with that we look for a tall, thick tree with plenty of branches. I finally see one up ahead.
"That one!" I point

We run towards it and I look behind me to see that we have about 30 seconds before they break through the bushes. They have to climb the hill first. By instinct I already have my hands and feet in position to climb.
I look to Carl.
"What are you doing, your wasting time! GO! Im right behind you."
I start to climb and I climb quicker than usual, I remember back to when my dad used to call me a squirrel because I could climb trees so fast.
As Carl told me he is right behind me although he's still behind, struggling to put his hands and feet in the right positions to avoid falling. I help him as I quickly tell him where to place them and soon enough he is beside me, sitting up tall and high in the tree. The walkers come into view. My breathing is loud and gaspy after running uphill for so long in the baking heat and it could easily give us away, but Carl clamps his hand over my mouth, making my eyes go wide and my lungs to scream for air. He puts his finger to his lips to tell me to be calm and quiet. I listen to Carl and I breath through my nose and try to slow my heart rate as we wait for the walkers to go and like I hoped, they passed without noticing us.

We let out a sigh of relief at the same time. Carl smiles and pats my thigh, readying me to leave as he turns to climb down. I catch him by his hand and shake my head.
"No, that was a steep hill, there's bound to be more struggling to get up. Just give them a few minutes." I ask.
He sits back beside me and its quiet and awkward for a few minutes. I clutch my bow close and hold onto Carl to keep our balence.
"This is the most you've talked to me in like two days." He states without emotion. I just nod my head.
"Why?" He asks.
I shake my head "I don't wanna talk about it, you know why."
"No, I don't. I don't even think you know why. She died, That would have made you wanna talk more to get things off your mind or to distract yourself. Not ignore everyone."

I never knew why I shut everyone out, but Carl made sence of it for me and then everything became clear.
"I shut you all out because I didnt want to care, because caring means grief and hurt, and i'm done with that. I don't want to feel that pain again. I've been beaten and tortured nearly my whole life, but nothing, I mean nothing hurt more than when she died. I wanted to leave with her. I wanted to die so I didn't have to live without her or live with myself, because I can't. Its too damn hard. So, in order to avoid that pain, you gotta block people out. Don't feel, don't care and most importantly.... Don't love." I tell him.
He's quiet for too long.
"Don't love." He spits through clenched teeth. "But to block me out.... I don't get it Mads. If you don't want to love then whats the point here. Huh? Whats the point to us?" He asks angrily.
I sigh because I know whats about to happen and the truth is, I can't moarn our relationship because I already did. I knew after Abb- she died, I wouldn't be the same. I wouldnt be able to love like I once did. So I knew what was gonna happen to Carl and I.
My heart is already broken, so it can't break again after this.
I look into his ocean blue eyes.
"There isn't." I whisper. "There isn't any point to us. There was... But now...
I'm so sorry Carl, but I can't do this. If you get hurt, i- I wouldn't be able to cope. I don't want to feel that pain again. Call me stupid and selfish, but I can't. And for that I am so sorry." I whisper as I watch him crumble in front of me. His brows knit together and his chapped lips firm a hard, staight line. He looks away from me.
Its quiet and awkward between us as we wait for the few walkers left to stumble past us.
"So thats it then?" He whispers.
I have to clear the knot in my throat before answering in a hoarse voice.
"Yea, thats it. We're over."