TRIGGER WARNING:
This will have a lot of angst in it.
This is a song fic by the song POV by McFly, and I strongly recomend you to listen to it if you haven't.
Just to be clear, yes this is phan.
Phil's POV:
I'm getting tired of asking, this is the final time.
I sigh sadly, staring into the once so called lovers eyes, into your eyes. They look somewhat broken, and sad. Tears were welling up and your eyes weren't the same beautiful shade of brown they used to be. They changed somewhere along the way.
So did I make you happy? Becauae you cried an ocean.
I raise my hand to your face, wiping away the continious flow of tears still escaping your eyes, and still you don't look at me.
When there's a thousand lines about the way you smile, written in my mind but every single word's a lie
Your smile used to be so beautiful, and perfect. I always loved that goofy grin that appeared on your face that you tried to hide from me. But I don't see that anymore.
I never wanted everything to end this way, but you can take the bluest sky and turn it grey
You never believed me when I told you you were beautiful. Or when I made you a romantic dinner, but you said you don't deserve it. You said it was a waste of time, and we ate in silence.
I swore to you that I would do my best to change, but you said it don't matter
I begged you that I would become better, you said I never pay attention to you, but I do. I'm always checking on you, checking your arms, those fading scars. I guess I just never told you how much you mean to me.
I'm looking at you from another point of view, I don't know how the hell I fell in love with you
It's was an everyday thing. Checking your arms every so often. I was so paranoid of leaving you alone, afraid of what you would do to yourself. Now it seems like such a waste.
Why did I do that? I knew what would happen if I fell more and more in love with you. I knew what would happen when you finally broke, but I couldn't leave you.
I'd never wish for anyone to feel the way I do,
But...why did I do that? To you? To myself? It was all pointless.
Is this a sign from heaven showing me the light? Was this supposed to happen? I'm better off without you
Your right, now I see it. When do I ever help you, i'm no help to you.
So you can leave tonight and don't you dare come back
And try to make things right 'cause I'll be ready for a fight
You yell at me to leave, say i'm so annoying, I ways fuss over you and that i'm really clingy. But then how come when I pack my bags and am about to leave, you always beg me to stay.
I always try to remind myself that this isn't your fault, I can't ever blame you for feeling like you need to blame someone, because when theres nobody to blame, you blame yourself.
I never wanted everything to end this way, but you can take the bluest sky and turn it gray,
I swore to you that I would do my best to change
But you said it don't matter
I guess it's just fustrating sometimes whenever i'm around, you yell at me, but when i'm not, you beg me never to leave you.
I'm looking at you from another point of view
I don't know how the hell I fell in love with you
I'd never wish for anyone to feel the way I do
I feel it too. Conflicted emotions. Like I want to leave you for making me feel like this, but I can't stand being apart from you.
I never thought that everything would end this way
But you can take the bluest sky and turn it gray
I swore to you that I would do my best to change
But you said it don't matter
But then there you lay. I always knew it would happen. Your once beautiful body scattered with bruises and fresh cuts. Your skinny, too skinny, disgustingly skinny, to know how you got like that.
I'm looking at you from another point of view
I don't know how the hell I fell in love with you
I'd never wish for anyone to feel the way I do
Your body limp, lifeless, as it just lay. Dried tears down your cheek, and a note I was too afraid to read crumpled up in your hand. I always knew this was to happen one day. Pessemistic, I know. But the truth. You were once fixed, but then you broke again.
And you said, and you said, and you said
WHAT HAPPENED ALONG THE WAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THIS? What...What was I doing wrong? It was me wasn't it? I knew you were suffering, and tried to help. But I didn't try enough. No. I didn't.
And you said, and you said, and you said
WHAT KIND OF HUMAN BEING AM I TO SEE SOMEONE SO OFTEN, KILLING THEMSELVES, THEIR MINDS ERODING THEIR ACTIONS TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
Not a good one.
Not a good boyfriend.
Not a good friend.
Not a good flatmate.
Not a good person
And then you ended it all without me. You left me alone in this world.
And I miss you.
And you said it don't matter.
