A/N:
@StayStrongLittleLove made something similar to this and I got my inspiration from her on one of her oneshots so check our her stories since they are AMAZING.
Trigger warning : abuse
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Dear Phil,
I remember the day we first met. You were so nice!
I was so nervous to meet AmazingPhil, the person I looked up to and adored. I still remember the day you convinced me to make videos too.
I thought I was absaloutly terrible, but you loved it.
You said you'd watched the video almost seven times because of how cute and shy I was in it.
That inspired me to continue. I wanted to make you proud Phil.
And then we started dating. I was so head over heels for you. I mean I countlessly daydreamed about what it would be to have my first time with you.
Obviously as expected, our first time was great ;)
And remember when I hit one million subscribers?! I was ecstatic! And then you got there which made me even happier!
Phil, you've helped me along the way. Well...you did at the begenning.
Late night talks, cuddles on the couch, playful tickle fights. They happened all the time.
Now, they hardly happen.
I would honestly would prefer to say that we just drifted apart naturally. But no, because I still love you for some odd reason.
Phil I still believe there is hope left inside of you. A good person. The old Phil.
I don't like the new Phil. The new Phil has been the same for almost a year now.
The new Phil started off by not letting me go somewhere without him.
Next he started going through my messages.
Then he began getting angry at me because of the alcahol.
The new Phil started hitting me.
Whenever I would do something he didn't like.
Sometimes a shove.
Or a slap.
Sometimes just verbally abusing.
Then he started to get brutally scary. Pulling my hair when I did something bad. Or keeping me locked up.
The new Phil never let me make anymore videos after 'I' tweeted that I quit YouTube.
Does this all sound familiar to you Phil?
Or are you reading about yourself and realizing just how much of a monster you are.
Remember the first attempt to run away from you?
I still have the burns on my neck and shoulder to show just in case you forgot.
The second time, you locked me in the same room for days with very little food.
You said I learnt my lesson when I felt like pulling my hair out.
Why Phil?
What happened to the goofy Phil that I fell in love with?
I miss him. Tell me if I ever wake up whether he says he misses me too or not.
If these pills I found in your draw aren't as strong as I hoped, then tell me what the old Phil says.
Does he still love me?
Or care for me?
Or maybe the old Phil is completely gone.
Either way, I think my body has had enough for a lifetime since I can barely lift myself up anymore due to the bruises. So I think i'll go now.
Love you Phil.
Hope to see you on the other side with your goofy smile, hugging that bowl of dry cereal and looking down shyly at your cute mismatched socks.
Dan.
Xx
