Babygirl.

Better off dead.

When we get back to the Sanctuary, Negan jumps out of the truck and helps me down, he keeps my hand held tightly in his. He pulls me along through the Sanctuary, taking me to what I think is his room based on the way we are going.

My thoughts run wild, What if I did cause Bethany's death? How did they know I left so soon? Are they going to kill me? I don't deserve to be here anymore, I caused Bethany's death. They may as well kill me, I don't want to cause anyone else's death. I wish I let that dead prick rip me to pieces, it would have been a well deserved death.

Negan unlocks his door and takes me in, locking the door behind us, he takes me over to the sofa and removes my guns, knife and backpack, putting them to them side, he pushes on my shoulder forcing me to sit down.

I stare blankly ahead of him, still in shock, still shivering after all of that just happened. Negan disappears into the bathroom and comes back with a wet wash cloth, he starts wiping my face and neck with it, removing blood I didn't even realise was there. It must be what's left of Bethany's blood on me, I only now notice the smell of it now that I'm thinking about it.

"Why the FUCK were you out there? Why the FUCK did you leave?" Negan asks me sounding extremely angry, like he's ready to bash my brains in with Lucille. I remain quiet staring at the blood I must have got on his leather jacket, I remember when he came back to collect it from me.

I had been wearing it at the time, because it was cold in my room, even with the little heater on, I took it off and gave it to him and he had given me a heated kiss in return. It was one of the few times I'd seen him during these past six months.

"FUCKING TELL ME!" Negan shouts at me, making me jump, ripping me from my thoughts of us.

"I didn't want to make things worse, I've already caused enough trouble for you, I thought this place would be better off without me." I say quietly to him, looking down at my bloody hands.

"I was fucking handling it, things were not going to get fucking worse, you didn't cause any of this fucking mess, none of it." He's lying, I know he wants to kill me, he wants this to be over.

"You shouldn't have saved me that day, should have just let those men have me. Shouldn't have saved me today either, should have just let that dead prick tear me apart. That's what I deserve, I'm somehow responsible for Bethany's death." I tell him sadly.

"STOP FUCKING TALKING SUCH BULLSHIT, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO FUCKING DIE!" Negan's voice is so loud, like he's trying to drill the words into my head. I hear him sigh he's annoyed at me, probably knowing yelling won't work.

"What makes you think Bethany is dead and that you're responsible?" He asks me, talking much quieter then before.

"You didn't see her? She was the first dead prick to attack me, she had no signs of bite marks or scratches, it looked like she was strangled and that she died the night she attacked me. She's been out there this whole time, I was mad at her for what she did, but I never wanted her dead." I say starting to cry now, all the emotions taking over at once.

"So Bethany was murdered and I know it wasn't by you, if I fucking find out who did it...." Negan trails off, not finishing his sentence.

"Did she have your family photo on her?" He asks me tiredly, I shake my head no, I go to wipe my eyes, but stop myself when I see the blood, still coating my hands, I drop them back into my lap.

"Why did you come after me. How did you know that I even left? I'm better of dead Negan, your people are afraid of me. I have no purpose here." I look up at him sadly, he gets up and takes my hand, leading me into the bathroom.

"Strip." Is all he says, I give him a questioning look, but by his expression I know I'm better off doing as he says. I peel my dirty clothes from my body, even removing my bra and panties, I look him in the eyes. They are so beautifully hazel, much like my own eyes, one of my favourite features about myself.

"I knew you were out there, cause multiple people watched you jump the fence. I went to go get you, because you are apart of my people, this is where you belong. I also think that I might be in....." He doesn't say anything else, the sentence just falling away.

We stand there looking at each other, I start to wonder what he thinking, he might what? I start to think about all our interactions together, it was always easy for us and never a dull moment. For the last six months we have shared some pretty fun times, even find that we would kiss a lot. Why would he want to kiss me? He has four wives and I barely see him with any of them, I guess it's only sex though.

I stare up at his handsome features, letting my feelings get the best of me. He has done so much for me, let me get away with so much and now he's saved my life twice. If I let these feeling I have for him get to carried away then there will be no going back. I just hope that what he was going to say is what I'm thinking and feeling, he's the only person in a long time that I truely trust.

I would follow him anywhere now, I owe it to him, even if he doesn't want me, I'll always be his loyal subject, ready to fight by his side. Or to even tell him when things don't look so good, I know he would listen to me as well. I think he would do the same for me now too, the fact that he has saved me twice and defended me against his people.