A Barmaid before the world fucked up, now a fighter for survival. Clare Aven, was never anything special, the only thing she was good at was making drinks and seducing men. The one best thing her Military father taught her was how to use a gun. It d...
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The Sanctuary was buzzing with an uneasy vibe when we returned home. Immediately Negan sort out Eugene to find out what happened to Sasha.
I follow after him slowly, looking back at Dwight for a moment, wondering when I'll get my gun back off of him.
"How did she end up fucking dead Eugene? She should have been fucking fine." I can hear the anger in his words as he speaks through gritted teeth.
"She would of been fine sir, but with my calculations, being strapped down behind the cabin of the truck, with a tarp over it would have decreased the oxygen level in the coffin greatly." Eugene says rather smartly, but his behavior seems off, not that Negan notices.
Negan finishes off his conversation and we make our way inside, Eugene and I follow behind Negan into the Sanctuary for our debriefing on the situation.
The workers of the Sanctuary notice Negan's behaviour they all kneel immediately and keep their distance. A sad smile finds its way upon my cheeks as I try to reassure them that all is well.
We enter into a meeting room, I hadn't even known that there was such a place, it makes sense that there is though. I take a seat beside Negan's chair Simon sits across from me and Dwight next to him, while Eugene sits beside me.
The other seats are filled by Saviors that made it back also. Negan goes about addressing what happened today. I just sit and listen to what everyone says and the more I hear, the more angry I get at Negan.
There was so much more Negan has been keeping from me. Like how he has been taking from many different communities. When they don't comply he kills off one of their people to scare them. How he inslaves people and brandishes them with letters, making them work for us.
It makes me incredibly mad, once the meetings over Negan and I head back to our room. There's so many things I need to talk to him about. I watch as he takes off his leather jacket and chucks it on the couch and puts Lucille down carefully.
"So when were you going to tell me about all that stuff?" I ask him, trying to start off civilised. Negan just gives me a 'I don't wanna talk about it' look.
"Did you ever plan to tell me about it all?" I ask getting more mad and the next look tells me all I need to know he had no intention of telling me anything. I try and remember how I felt when Dwight was calming me down, but the rage simmers dangerously so.
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU NEGAN, YOU WERE JUST GONNA KEEP QUIET ABOUT ALL THIS. MY SONS LIFE IS IN DANGER NOW BECAUSE OF YOU. DO YOU NOT FUCKING REALISE THAT?" The rage boils over and I can't help but shout at him. How could he be so reckless?
"Don't you dare fucking talk to me that way. I've been fucking trying to keep this place on it's fucking feet. So shut the fuck up and let me relax." Negan's angry facial expression just pisses me off more. He doesn't have the right to be mad here.
"I will not shut up! What if those people come here and attack us? They will kill everyone, but first they will want to torture you for what you have done. That means hurting me and Axl or don't you care?" My body shakes due to how mad I am right now.
"Of course I fucking care, I can't believe you think I don't. Everything I'm doing is for you two. And they won't fucking come here." Negan tells me as he heads over to the fridge.
"Don't you dare try and pin this on me, I would have never wanted you to do any of this for me or my son. It's madness, you're starting a war, Negan. What makes you think they won't come here? You've given them more then enough motivation to come here." I scrunch my one good hand into a fist, digging my nails into my palm to try and calm myself down.
"They won't come here because they are fucking weak and scared." Negan lashes out slamming his bottle down on the counter.
"You are honestly not that stupid are you, please tell me you're not that naive. You've seriously underestimated them." I'm seriously done with him at this point, I fooled myself into thinking this could work between us.
Negan goes to answer but there's a soft knock on the door, Negan marches over to open it. I go about packing mine and Axl's things up, I will not stay here with him and play house.
I grab the book out of the draw and get out my ACR from the cabinet, once finished packing I see Greta at the door. She puts Axl down and he runs straight to me, I pick him up as well as all our stuff. Lifting my gun to make sure Negan doesn't try and stop me from leaving.
Negan closes the door and turns around, his eyes widen in shock for a moment.
"Get out the way Negan, I just need some time away from you to think about all this. If you try and stop me I won't hesitate and I will shoot you, so please move." Tears well up in my eyes, I really don't want to do this, but I won't lose my son over him.
Negan steps aside and lets me leave he doesn't even try to stop me. I rush down the hall to catch up with Greta.
"Greta, I know you just dropped him off but can you watch Axl for me please. If Negan does decide to come after me, I don't want Axl to see us fight." I plead her with my eyes and she nods grabbing onto Axl and taking his things.
"Of course Hun, he's a very special boy, I'm always happy to take him, it's no trouble. Don't you worry about it my dear." She leaves with Axl, I hear her start to tell Axl a story and my son giggles in response.
I lean against the wall and let myself cry for a moment, I soon angrily push my tears away. I rush down the stairs, I need to go somewhere Negan won't look for me, wouldn't expect me to be.
I sigh heavily as I walk the dark corridors my gun strapped to my back along with my backpack and my cello in hand. I start to wonder when I lost my love for Negan or if I even loved him at all, it may have just been lust and compassion after he rescued me all those years ago.
I stop in front of the dark door and stare at it for a moment wondering if I should go in. If I do go in, what I have with Negan will be gone for good. If I walk away though the feeling that I've been trying to suppress and hide for the past day will go.
I've never felt this way before it was always so different with Negan, but this, this was so much better, it felt right and true. Like my soul actually found the person I was meant to be with, but will they want me the same way as I want them.
