A Barmaid before the world fucked up, now a fighter for survival. Clare Aven, was never anything special, the only thing she was good at was making drinks and seducing men. The one best thing her Military father taught her was how to use a gun. It d...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I found a deck of cards at the bottom of my bag Negan and I have been playing all day and slowly throughout the day I've noticed his behaviour has changed.
I roll my eyes as I wait for him to make his turn, I've been waiting for about five minutes now and I'm getting more and more agitated.
"Okay, Fine I'll bite. What's wrong?" I stare at him pointedly, he just looks up at me and then plays his turn, I frown at him, he's never acted this way before, it's almost like he's depressed because I told him I wouldn't have sex with him.
"Don't tell me then, I just wanted to help you out." I play my turn, getting rather bored of this game quickly, Negan plays his turn and wins, I throw my cards on the table, he wasn't even paying attention and he still won.
"About what you said earlier, with your parents. It brought up some memories." Negans face looks like he's waging a war, whether to tell me or not.
"You don't have to tell me of you don't want too. I understand if you don't." I place my hand over his smiling softly to let him know that's it's okay.
"My wife she had cancer, it was terminal and like the disgusting asshole I am, I was cheating on her, but as soon as I found out I gave it all up. When all this shit went down she died and I didn't even have the guts to put her down, just left her to wander the earth." He looks up at me and then turns his head away, I can see how much he hates himself, the anger and rage he possess, it's all directed at himself.
I sit there stunned, not expecting that at all, his poor wife, I look at him and I want to be mad at him and make him pay for what he did, but I can see he already has paid for it. I'm guessing that's why he doesn't want another real wife, he wronged his first one, does he think he will do that again? Or that he doesn't deserve to be loved like that again?
"Negan, I'm not going to tell you 'I'm sorry'. I know that's not what you want to hear, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. What you did was shitty and fucked, yes it really was. But what's done is done, you have paid for your mistake. You're not that man anymore." I tighten my grasp on his hand, but he pulls it away as if I've burned him, the look he gives me is almost enough to kill.
"How the fuck would you know?" Venom drips in his voice, he clenches his hands into fists, his knuckles turning white at the amount of pressure he's using.
"Look at what you have done Negan, you built a community, saved people. You saved me. Your punishment was losing her, not getting the chance to be sorry. I think if she had the chance to see what you have done, she would forgive you. Just like how I understand why you left me in that cell for a month." He stands up pacing at my words.
"YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW HER!" Negan picks Lucille up ready to strike me, I stand up calmly , stepping towards him, knowing very well I'm risking my life.
"I know Lucille wouldn't want you to do this. She might have hated you for awhile, but she still loved you, she wouldn't want you to let this haunt you the way it is." Stepping closer again, I wrap one hand around Lucille and place the other on his hand, trying to pry the bat out of his hands.
"I fucked up so bad." He drops to his knees, letting go of the bat, I sigh softly, placing Lucille on the table, before coming over and kneeing in front of him, I wrap my arms around Negan as he sobs in my chest.
"Sometimes we have to let people go and with them the things we did, the good and the bad. I was pretty horrible to my mother and we didn't speak for two years, I was only just getting to know them again when this happened. I lost her Negan, I never got to say sorry and I hurt her so bad, I never thought she would ever forgive me. My father told me that she was proud of me and that she always loved me, he said that he was proud of me too. But I lost them both, I couldn't save them, I couldn't save him." A sob rips through my throat as I remember the day my father was bit.
"I could have saved him, he was with a young women and her baby, trying to pull her out of a car and a dead prick was approaching him, I had my gun raised ready to shot it, but I hesitated. It bit him in the face, tearing the flesh away, the women managed to get out and run to her husband who was injured and with me. I fired my fathers ACR at it, the bullet went through it's head and into his. I had killed my father, it was my fault." I rest my head on Negans crying relentlessly, both of us crying for the ones we lost and for what we did wrong.
"I'm not going to leave you Negan, I understand that you can't be with me the way I want. But I'll always be by your side, no matter what happens." I tell him firmly, letting him know that it's the truth, that I will not hesitate ever again. The dead bang on the building after hearing Negans outburst, but neither of us take much notice of it, too busy dealing with our emotions.
I help Negan up and take him to the bed, getting him comfortable until he falls asleep, I get dressed quickly and quietly, putting on his leather jacket once I'm dressed. I pick up Lucille and open the door, leaving the cabin to deal with the dead that surround us, to release the pent up rage I hold within myself.
Negan and I are so similar both living with our demons, dealing with them in different ways. I crush one weak skull after another, crying angrily as I keep replaying the days I hurt my parents.
