Babygirl.

Rockabye.

I stare at the test in complete shock, those two pink lines just staring back at me, screaming pregnant, I debate with myself if I'm ready for a baby.

How could I get rid of such a valuable life just because I lack the maternal instincts or maybe they just haven't kicked in yet?

I don't know how I even go about telling Negan, can I get away without telling him until I'm the size of a beach ball? Probably not. I'm sure the good Dr had obligations to tell him at some point. Even if I did ask him not to breath a word about it to anyone, it's my right to tell people not his.

I also threatened to break his leg, but he may have just been me been in shock about the news of said pregnancy. I sigh heavily frowning at the stick, almost expecting the lines to disappear along with some of my troubles. But they remain the same.

I stuff the stick into the bottom of my backpack and start to head back, deciding I can't hide out in this building behind the Sanctuary forever, I'm sure people will starting to notice I'm gone soon, especially now that my kitchen shift is just about done.

I jog back towards the Sanctuary jumping over the fence easily, realising soon I will be unable to do that, I suddenly get the an uneasy feeling that I'm being watched. I check back passed the fence seeing if anyone is out there, I then look towards the Sanctuary, looking up at all the windows, but see nothing.

I shrug it off, writing it up to just be my nerves, I head back inside, where it's much warmer, I practically jog all the way back to Negan and I's room. When I round the last corner to our room, I instantly spot Negan and Simon talking just outside the door.

Seeing Negan makes me want to walk back the way I had just came, but I no that won't work as Negan has already seen me, I stroll over as if everything is normal, I slip past the two and head straight into the room.

The look from Negan as I entered shows he's annoyed that I didn't greet them, I honestly can't be bothered though, I just want a hot shower and some food. I step into the steaming water, enjoying the warmth, winter is really starting to set in.

I wash my hair quickly, soon enough as expected Negan's arms wrap around me, joining me in the warmth, I can't help but sink back into his arms, this is how it should always be, I know it's selfish for me to not want a baby to ruin this, but it's taking so long for us to get here.

I won't tell him tonight, maybe tomorrow, I just want him to myself for a little bit longer, I turn in his arms and reach up wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a passionate kiss. Before things get too heated though, I pull away from him, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower.

My need for food too great to pass up, Negan follows me out, towel wrapped low and loose around his waist. I almost want to pull it off and take advantage of him, but now is not the time, I have barely eaten anything all day and my nerves of telling him are turning me off. I throw on some comfy pjs that Negan managed to find for me while out on a run yesterday.

"It's lamb casserole today, I was really looking forward to trying some, so I'm going to go get some, is there anything you wanted?" I ask him politely he just shakes his head and gives me a devilish grin as I leave.

I've never felt this conflicted about anything in my life before, I seriously don't know if I want this child or not and if or when I should tell Negan about it. I don't see him wanting to be a father anytime soon, I'd be left to take care of it all on my own.

Even if he did want a baby how would he find the time to help me raise it. He has a entire community to run, I can't just ask him to give up being the leader. I get to the cafeteria and pick up two servings of lamb cassarole and some of the crusty bread rolls I helped make.

I even grape a bowl of fruit salad, it's not often that fresh fruit is around. I leave quickly, noticing how many people watch me as I walk past. Some of them I've worked with, others I've only seen around and some I haven't seen at all. But I can tell they all know who I am, they all know who I belong too. I shake my head, leaving those faces behind.

At this point I'm too hungry to care, I'm now eating for two I guess. I kick the door gently with the toe of my shoe, as a way of knocking. Negan opens the door, turning to smile at me, he takes the tray from my hands. I close and lock the door.

"How did you go getting up the stairs?" He asks setting up all the food.

"Oh, it was a struggle that's for sure. I almost dropped it a couple times. Luckily I'm not clumsy. " I laugh at myself.

"This does look amazing. Did you help out in there today?" He asks looking up at me as he digs into his dinner.

"Um yeah, I was getting bored here, so I went down to help. I made the bread rolls. I hope you don't mind if I work." I realised then that none of his previous women worked, I don't see how they couldn't. I would get so bored otherwise.

"No it's fine, it's great that you helping, people are a resource, we need to work together if we want to survive." I nod my head understanding what he is saying.

"So why didn't your wives work?" I ask curiously.

"It was a perk they received for their compliance. It's what made them behave. They didn't work for points, they just had to satisfy me when I wanted it." He says simply. I wrinkle my nose in disgust, glad that they are gone, but I really wanted to know where that left us.

"So what are we then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm not your wife, and we are not engaged. So are we just dating? Am I your girlfriend? Or are we just casually fucking? Maybe if I can get an answer on this I will be able to tell how interested in me he is and be able to work out if he wants this kid it not.

"You are mine and I'm yours. I guess that would make me your boyfriend. Seeing how you want the marriage to be traditional. Speaking of which what kind of wedding did you want?" He asks.

"Why? You haven't asked me to be your wife yet." I jokingly raise my brows at him.

"I would like a simple, but pretty short white dress. I don't want a gown, but I'd like a dress." He nods his head simply and goes straight back to eating. I guess that's all with that question.
He seems pretty serious about me so maybe he will be okay if I'm pregnant. But Im still not ready to tell him I will soon.