The Heir

50 | three words

Amelie
________

I think it's time.

I'm laying in my bed in darkness, the only source of light is the full moon shining into my room through the uncovered window. It's past midnight, the castle is asleep, waiting for a new day to come.

I feel it coming, the blast of emotions that I've been avoiding for a long time. It has to be today, because I don't know if I'm able to go through another day with my emotions off. It's no good for me.

I think of the fear in my mother's eyes when she knew what was gonna happen to her. I think of her hysterical cry just a few seconds before he murdered her. I think of how good of a mother she would be if she was still alive, my whole life would be different. Better, probably. If not, just different is fine.

Then my mind makes me think of Ginny. Ginny, who I took as my best friend and even though I didn't tell her much about myself, I thought we had a mutual understanding. We danced together, we got high and drunk together, we kissed, we had a sleepover and we went to camp together and all that was just a lie? Did she hate it? Did she hate being my friend?

What now? I know I can't let her get away with it, but what will happen when I confront her? I can only think of one thing - Harry's army would attack, or worse, start the war untimely.

I have to tell my father, I have to tell May, but how can I tell them? How can I look into their eyes ever again?

I think that if I didn't force myself to have the last dream I had, everything would be better. I'd be still lied to, but I wouldn't have to be going through this right now.

My thoughts wander to my curse that father did to me. I don't care much about dying young, I've always kind of felt it that way. I don't want to be old and wrinkly, so vulnerable and weak, no, old age is not for me.

But if I'm gonna die young, I want to live first. I want to be happy, I want to travel the world, I want to...I want to love.

How am I supposed to live if I can't love?

Next thing I know, my eyes start to water and I let them. I let myself break to thousands pieces. Tears are rolling down my cheeks and when I sob loudly for the first time, I start crying even more.

I can't stop it, but I'm not even trying. Everything - my chest, my T-shirt, my sheets are wet form the warm salty tears. I lean my head against the cold wall behind me and tilt it back.

I haven't cried like this in months, maybe even years. I hate crying, I hate it because I feel so vulnerable especially when I can't stop. But now, I'm all alone and I can cry how much I want.

After a while, it gets hard for me to breathe properly, so I try to stop for a second, but then I start crying even more. This is sick, why do I have so many tears? Where do they come from?

My vision goes blurry when all of sudden, someone opens the door to my room and walks in. I quickly try to wipe my tears form my eyes to see who entered so suddenly.

"Oh God, what's going on?" Asks Draco with frightened voice.

"Go away!" I shout at him, wondering how did he know I'm crying. I can't be that loud, or can I?

He's standing in the middle of my room in his black pajamas, looking at me and trying to get me to talk.

"I said go away," I say as calm as I can, trying to hold the cry and sob in me, but I don't know for how much longer.

I hate crying in front of him. He's gonna mock me and make fun of me, I know it.

"Amelie-" he makes a few steps toward me.