Stirb Nicht Vor Mir

Chapter 36

I woke up screaming and drenched in sweat yet again. My mom came running into the room and asked me what was wrong. I sobbed and I hugged her, but then noticed that I felt all better.

"Mom, I feel all better," I told her. 

"I gave you some medicine and you slept the whole day today. Just tell me what happened."

"I had a dream-it was another dream. I hadn't had it in a long time and I can't-I can't get it out. I can't get it out of my mind, and I can't let it go. It keeps coming back."

"I had another dream last night that I got raped, too," She started crying and hugged me. "I love you so much."

I hugged her tightly. "Mom, I just want to be happy."

"It gets better-"

"NO IT DOESN'T!" I let go of her. "It doesn't! You've been saying that for the longest time now and it's still coming back!"

"I know-"

"No you don't!"

"I went through the same thing that you did, Adette! I don't mean to yell, but I understand what you're going through! That's it-you're talking to someone today. Get dressed-we're going to her house."

I did as she told me to and she drove me to her therapist's house. 

"I don't want to be here," I said. 

"On Earth or-"

"This house, Mom."

We walked to her door and sat down on her couch. 

"Are you alright?" She asked. 

"Sorry this as really sudden," My mom apologized. 

"It's fine," She assured us. "What happened?"

"Both my daughter and I had another dream-nightmare-last night."

"Oh, I have not heard that in a long time."

"My daughter has never talked about it to someone else and I really think that she needs to."

"Okay. Do you want your mom to leave or-"

'Yes, please," I replied and my mom left to go run some errands. 

"Okay, so tell me what happened."

"I don't want to."

She sighed. "Okay, well, let me start to get to know you, then."

"I don't understand how this will help me, though. I mean, I was raped-I got over it-"

"But your body hasn't. Did your body ache after you woke up?"

"Kind of."

"Yeah, you still haven't gotten over it. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to, but it would help. It helped your mom."

"How?"

"She first came to me a week after it happened and she cried a lot, but once she talked about it, she finally accepted that it happened, and she overcame it-well, not overcame it, but she got stronger. You know?"

"Yeah, she definitely seemed a little happier. It's just that mine was a little different. I was kidnapped and I didn't see what was happening which was scarier and I didn't even know who the people were. I was just going to the bathroom and then I got taken," I started to cry. "And then before I knew it, I woke up and they penetrated me, told me to shut up, fucked me in the fucking ass! And I didn't know what to do except sit there-I had nothing else to do. When they fingered me, it was so painful and I thought that if I was to ever get raped, it would be fine because I'm not a virgin, but this was different. It wasn't enjoyable-I couldn't even find a bright side of this," I gasped. "I just told you."

"That's alright. So what did you do afterwards?"

"I went to my house and I just laid there, but I didn't tell anyone for the longest time what happened. I tried talking to someone, but I didn't feel better afterwards. My dad," I chuckled. "My dad and my mom's boyfriend went to the amusement park and found the men there and started a fight with them (but a bunch of men broke them up). I was really happy, though."

"Why?"

"Because I know that I can count on my dad if I ever need anything (most of the time)."

"That's really nice. And your dad is Tin Lindement, right?"

I chuckled. "No, it's Till Lindemann."

"Oh, I see. He's seems like a really nice person."

"He is. And my mom's boyfriend is really loyal, too."

"Do you like them?"

"Oh, I love them."

"I know that he's in a band-how close are you with the other members?"

"I don't talk to them. It's not a personal thing, it's just that my dad and my mom's boyfriend (Richard) typically come with their family and not the other members."

"And, you have a boyfriend, right?"

"Yes-Neil Wonders. By the way, I'm trusting you not to tell anyone about this, alright?"

"I won't even tell your parents. I know that you tried to kill yourself, are you still suicidal?"

"Hmm, not as much. At first, I just wanted to get rid of the pain and feeling that I felt, but I know that I have things to live for."

"That's really good. Now, we can talk about whatever you want to talk, okay?"

"Um, okay," I had no idea what to say. "I don't like my dad's wife. She's a bitch and she's horrible! I think that something is going to happen between them two soon."

"How come?"

I started explaining how she was always pissed off at my mom and acted really rude to my dad, etc. We talked about her for the rest of the session (about 30 minutes) and I complained about her which felt really nice. 

"Well, I think that we're done now," She chuckled and stood up. "If you ever want to talk, you can talk to me."

"Okay, goodbye," I waved to her and then stood out front and saw my mom sitting in the car. I got into the car and she drove off. 

"How was it?" She asked. 

"It was nice," I replied. "It was nice to get all that stuff off my chest."

"Now, if you don't want to do it again, we don't have to."

"Maybe not now, but when I do want to, I'll let you know."

The time for me to talk to someone was nowhere close to soon, but it was coming-and I had no idea.