Loving him is so wrong!

Part 2 Chapter 20

Chandler
So maybe I was aiming for Alana but okay I stopped myself. If she moved out of the way it wouldn't have almost hit her. It's really her fault of you think about it but let's not get into that right now. Saying that I'm pissed is an understatement of how I feel. I don't know how I feel honestly but what I do know is I'm ready to fight. Anybody could get it at this point. I'm trying my best to not lash out but it's so hard. I already slipped at home just a little baby minor setback. An easy fix all I have to do is butter her up and she's fine.
"Alonzo so nice to see you son! How are you doing considering everything." My dad said walking up to Alonzo
"I'm fine still taking it say by day but what's done is done. Hey mama" Alonzo said looking at my mon.
"Come give me a hug I've missed y'all." She said holding out her arms.
Alonzo looked at me and patted my back before walking towards my mom. Alonzo could tell that I was mad and he knew that I was close to spazzing out. I don't care what anyone thinks ima act how I wanna act no if ands or buts about it.
"Ma we need to talk about you coming back and staying with us" i said looking down at her
"Ummm Chandler I li-" my mom said
"You're not taking her back over there!" My dad yelled
"The fuck are you going to do about it James? I'm not asking I'm fucking telling!" I yelled
"Who the fuck do you think you are? Coming in here bossing me around about my wife like you own us!"
"I'm the one that's about to knock you on your ass if you come any closer to me." I said walking away from my mother and towards my dad.
I hate this man with everything in me. I hate who he is and I hate what he made me. I spent years trying to forgive and forget but I can't do it. Well I refused to do it but still!
"Y'all need to calm down! Let's not do that here." Nathan said
"Fuck you and fuck him! Ma you're coming back to the states and that's the end!" I said looking at my mother. She looked at me with so much disappointment on her face but I don't care. She sees so much of my dad in me but if I have to act like him for things to go my way then so be it! I'm over pretending to have it all together now and I'm tired of everyone telling me to calm down. If I wanted to be calm I would be and if I want to be mad then let me be mad.
"Baby. The kids are in here." Alana said silently
"Alana right now I need you to leave me alone and shut the fuck up before we have a problem" i whispered to her
"We already have a problem if you ask me. Chandler I'm so sick and tired of your shit." Alana spat
"Fuck you Lana if you want to go. You can" i said to her before turning around and looking at my kids. They either were oblivious to what's going on or they are used to me going off like this. I hope it's because their oblivious to this. Alana rolled her eyes at me while grabbing her things. She was mumbling things about leaving me. I turned and instantly made eye contact with Alonzo and he didn't look happy with me at the moment. He wasn't going to get in the middle and cuss me out about this here but I knew once we left he would get in my ass about Alana.
"Aight y'all i gotta go. I just wanted to see mama before I head to the hotel. Be easy mamas" Alonzo said still looking at me. He bent down and gave my mon a kiss on the forehead before walking towards Alana and kissing her.
"Okay Alonzo. It was really good to see you." My mom said
Alonzo walked out the room and I rolled my eyes then turned to grab Alana. She pushed me away from me and took the kids out the room. Zara immediately followed behind her and my dad watched her go to the door.
"Alana please stay don't let Chandler tantrums keep you from getting to know us" he said
"I'm not having a fucking tantrum! Alana said she wanted to get some rest so she's leaving."
"Really cause from what it seems you two were arguing and she's about to storm out" my dad said
He was smiling down at Alana. Slowly trying to woo Alana into staying. I watched as he grabbed her hand and talked to her. He was holding her hand and the anger inside me was building. I'm not jealous I just hate him touching her. He moved her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. He just held her hand and staring at her just talking with his eyes. Alana smiled at him then turned and looked at me. Her smile instantly dropped .I looked at her hand and she immediately pulled away from my dad.
"Get your fucking hands off of her!" I yelled
"Why? I'm just trying to get to know my daughter in law. She's a very beautiful woman I see why you fell for her." My dad said. He had his arm around her and pulled her into his side. Alana just stood there I can't believe she just fucking stood there! I wanted to drag her by her hair out of this hospital but I couldn't do that.
"Ummm t-thank you but I'm really tired. I'll see y'all back at your house." Alana said
"Yeah Alana please stay. I want to spend as much time with my grandkids as much as I can." My mom said
"I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and rest I will see y'all later yeah? Mind your grandparents boys!" Alana said finally moving away from my dad. I wanted to slap some sense in her. She has no idea how bad I want to hurt her right now. I know she's trying to be nice but her being nice to him is pissing me off. And he's using her to make me mad as well. He's trying to see how far he can push me before the old Chandler pops out.
She walked out of the room not even saying goodbye to me. Fuck her,I'm sick of her anyways. I smiled at my mon before walking over to her ignoring my dad.
"Mom you are moving back."
"Chandler I like living here."
"I dont care mom! It will be easier for you to live with us anyways you could have full access to your grandkids." I said grabbing her hand.
"So just fuck me huh?" My dad asked
"Yeah bitch fuck you! I'm sick of you! Why the fuck can't you just die already life would be so much easier if you just drop dead!" I yelled
"Chandler! Don't say that!" Ryan said
"Why not? I don't have any love or respect for him he's been nothing but a pain in the ass since I could remember! I'll be happier if he wasn't here!"
"Say that shit to my face!" My dad yelled
I quickly got out my chair and was face to face with him again. He always wanted a reaction from me. Why did he always want a reaction from me?! I can't wait to fucking wait until I get that call saying he passed. It's not like I'll miss him. Sure he gave me everything in the world but did I ever feel love from him? Hell no!
"Okay kids you guys wanna go get ice cream" Nathan asked
"Yaaay!" They all yelled.
The moment they walked out the room I pushed my dad back and waited for him to retaliate. He stumbled a bit before he cocked his hand back and punched me in the chest. That was it! That's what made me black out. I ignored my mom begging me to walk it off I ignored my brothers telling me to calm down and I lashed out. This has been long overdue my vision went black and I just couldn't stop swinging. It was like I had tunnel vision and all I saw was him. I kept punching and punching until I felt Levi push me off of him.  I tried to break free but I was being held down by Levi and Ryan. My dad was bleeding everywhere and he seems shocked that I even hit him. Then there was my mom who was sitting in her bed crying. Usually I would have walked away but no not today I had enough of his shit! I don't care how my mom thinks that I shouldn't have reacted. I've been doing that my whole fucking life,I have been ignoring him. I'm done I'm fucking done with this family!
"Chandler now look what you have done! Look at what you did!" My mom yelled
"He hit me first the hell you want me to do? Keep running away from him. Ma I've been abused and singled out by him long enough! I'm sick of this shit!" I yelled
"You didn't have to beat up your father!" She yelled
"I'm leaving!!! I had enough of this shit! You know what ma!, I hope you had a good look at my kids because you will never see them again! I can't do this I can't have this in my life! It's always Chandler why did you do that never ever is it him!"
"Leave! And never come back!!" My dad yelled
"I wasnt planning on it!"
"No! Chandler wait! Chandler Chandler please don't! I just got you back in my life! Please don't do this! Please!!" My mom cried from her room
I ignored her cries and just left. I saw that Nathan and the kids were coming from the elevator. He looked me in my face and just nodded. Nathan was the only one that really accepted me for who I am.
"Thanks for taking them. I didn't want them to see me like that." I said to Nathan
"No problem. I'll see you back at mom's house?"
"No. I'm never coming back here they are as good as dead to me."
"Chandler you have to let the hurt go. He picks on you because he knows you'll respond. You have to be the bigger person in this situation, you're not doing anything but hurting yourself in the long run." Nathan said before walking away.
"Nate! Can you tell mom that I'm sorry and that I love her?"
"No I can't but you can. I'll see you tomorrow at noon."
I agreed that I was going to go to her house but I knew that I was lying. I cant see myself going over there after what happened between us. I hate that everyone wanted me to be the bigger person! Why me? Why do we always enable him?!
"Daddy I'm sleepy can we go now?" Christian asked
"Yeah. We are going back to the hotel to see what mommy is doing."
"And you won't be mean to her right?" Avery asked
I sighed and looked down at them. "No,no! I won't be mean to mommy anymore. Come on let's go."
It took us thirty minutes to get to our hotel. Once we got into the room they ran to find their mother and I wanted a drink. I was debating on if I should go to the bar or if I should just order it on room service. I plopped down on the couch rubbing my temples when I saw Alana approaching me.
"So I just got off the phone with you crying mother. She didn't say much well couldn't she was crying so much. You wanna tell me what happened after I left?Alana asked
"C-can you just not Alana? Can you just not question me right now?" I asked
"Baby I'm not trying to question you. I'm checking up on you but I see you're still in a mood." Alana said
She tried walking off but I pulled her into my lap and laid my head on her. I breathe in her scent and my body instantly relaxed. I flipped he over so I could lay on top of her and she could rub my head to make me calm down. She instantly started rubbing my head and I just laid there silently thinking about everything. Maybe I was to harsh on my mother but it is what it is at this point.
"I finally did it." I said
"Did what exactly?" She asked
"I whooped his ass and it felt amazing."
"Oh. Umm okay I see." Alana said
"Alana baby I'm sorry. You are right I don't know how to not handle myself around my dad. He just brings the worse out of me all the time he just pulls it out of me!" I said squeezing her arm hard.
"Ow ow ow Chandler! Get off of me!" Alana yelled
"I'm sorry I'm sorry." I said
"Look you need to figure out what the hell you are going to do with your whole family situation because I can't keep being your target. You either keep them in the past or work on being civil for your sake and our kids! Because Chandler if you don't and you hurt me physically again I will leave you and won't think twice about it! And I'm a different person I would never fall in any of your traps now! So figure yourself out and CALL BRYCE!" Alana said before walking into the next room to check on the kids.
I sighed and sat back in the chair before getting up and grabbing my phone. I heard a knock on the door and walked to it.
"You have gotten to be fucking kidding me right now." I said
"Move out the way and let me in. We need to talk!" My dad said
"I don't want to talk to you. I'm done! I'm wiping my hands of this side of the family."
"Sit the fuck down and shut up!" He yelled
"Oh James. W-w-why are you here?" Alana asked
"To talk to my son. Alana can you be a good little wife and go to the back please this is a conversation I need to have in private with Chandler."  I saw my dad looking Alana up and down approvingly. He licked his lips and kept scanning over Alana's body. She hadn't noticed that he was looking at her like that but she was more mad at him talking to her like that. Yup this is the true James she's seeing.
Alana look at him up and down  like he was crazy. She put her hands on her hips and folded her arms. If looks could kill James would be dead.
"Good little wife? You have lost your mind-"
"ALANA JUST go please baby. This won't take long at all" I said
"And could you bring me some ice darling and a drink if you don't mind"
She rolled her eyes and walked away and I sat down at the table. I saw him rubbing his face and laughing.
"So?" I asked
"You always were a good fighter. I taught you well."
"Taught me well? You call getting mad at me and kicking my ass weekly teaching me how to fight?" I said laughing
"I taught you how to be a man Chandler."
"No you taught me how to be a woman beater." I said
"You call it woman beating I say it's controlling your household." He said
Alana walked back into the living space with a cup of ice and a drink. She slammed it on the table and walked away. My dad laughed and watched Alana walk away.
"She's Feisty. I like that I like that a lot."
"It's like you want to die." I said
"What? I'm admiring her she is a beautiful woman and has such a nice body. I can't help it if I look." He shrugged
"You wanted to talk."
"Chandler you do know that I never meant for you to grow up hating me." He said looking me in my eyes
"Well I do." I said picking up my drink
"You know I gave you a lot of shit growing up but you are my favorite. You made me proud"
Now that's different. I made him proud?
"Thanks I guess hitting women wasn't all you taught me." I said. I could tell that he was getting frustrated but I don't give a shit. Hell I could beat his ass again if that's what he wanted.
"Look. I don't want a strained relationship with you anymore Chandler okay. I was wrong I shouldn't have told you that hitting got you everything in life. Okay look I want to get to know my grandkids I want them in my life. Please"
"I don't want you corrupting my boys. And why are you now apologizing? I've wanted that for years and now you finally want to do it."
"Chandler-"
"No shut the fuck up! I needed you a long time ago to tell me that it wasn't too late to change but you are still the same piece of shit man and now that I finally kicked your ass you are apologizing? Why?"
"I have cancer Chandler!! I have stage two lung cancer and it's not aggressive yet but I'm eighty and you know my odds like I do. I don't think I have long."
"FUCK!" I said throwing a glass to the wall.
"I would like to make this right Chandler.."
"It didn't seem like you wanted to make it right in the hospital!" I spat
"Only because you came in hot! I gave you what you gave me. Look son I need this." He said grabbing my shoulder
"Fuck!" I said moving away from him. "You seem so healthy."
"I am right now. Hopefully the cancer doesn't grow."
"Shit! Fuck! Oooh fuck me! You are moving to the states and that's finally. If you want to make this relationship work then it's on my terms. But first you can grow a relationship with my kids only."
Well I guess he's coming too.