Loving him is so wrong!

Chapter twenty-eight

Alana
"ARE YOU FOR REAL!!! You couldn't leave him alone?" Zara screamed at me.
"I did I promise you I did!" I yelled at her
"Obviously fucking not! You're pregnant shit Lana you never think of anyone but yourself!"
She's right I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself. I was so caught up in the love that I have for Chandler that I didn't realize he was slowly sucking me back into his trap and I fucking let him. Can this day get any worse than it already have. Oh yeah that's right I'm getting arrested too. Laying back in bed I looked at Zara who was in tears.
"Zara" I said but she ignored me.
"ZARA!! Look at me" i cried
"What! You don't have to say shit else to me. I can't ducking believe you! Why would you go back and fuck him?!"
"I don't know stop yelling at me" i cried
I couldn't stop crying I was just too upset with myself more than anything. I don't know why I keep going back to Chandler I just do it. It's like i have no control when he's around. Either way I'm dumb.
"Well congratulations Alana" she said looking at me
"There's nothing to congratulate me about. I'm not keeping it!"
"Really? You're gonna kill it."
"Yes. I don't want this baby especially not right now." I said
"Wow." She said looking at me like I was crazy
I don't know what she wants from me but all I know is once I get home I'm going straight to the clinic. I don't care what she thinks but this baby will no longer exist after tomorrow.
"It's my choice Zara and please don't tell him when he gets here." I said
"Fine. I won't say anything but just know I don't agree with it." She said folding her arms.
I laid back in the hospital bed and looked at Zara. She got up from her chair and got in the bed with me and we fell asleep. A couple of hours Chandler came busting into the room followed by two officers and the doctor. The officers said that they wouldn't arrest us because witnesses said what we did was self defense and that the other two started it.
"Miss Boa Vista here is-" the doctor said
"I'll talk to you alone one I get my things together and go." I said hopefully he'll catch that I didn't want him to say anything else about this pregnancy.
"Okay. Meet me by the nurses desk and we'll talk there." He said before saying good bye to us.
Chandler looked at me confused but he didn't say anything. He probably was going to ask me when we were alone but there's nothing he needs to know. Why tell him I'm pregnant if I'm not keeping it. It's not happening
"So I hope y'all two know that y'all are going home once she gets discharged." Chandler said not taking his eyes of me. Does he know? Did the doctor tell him everything thinking he was my dad?
"Why?" Zara asked
"Seriously. Y'all two almost got fucking arrested! Alana is in the hospital bed y'all are going back to the hotel and packing y'all shit" chandler screamed at us
Me and Zara looked at each other trying not to laugh at him because he was so pissed. I rolled my eyes and Zara looked down at her phone there was no way in hell we're leaving. Chandler stood there and waited on one of us to respond. He looked sleepy and just piss which is so funny.
"We're not leaving" i finally said
"Yes y'all are."
"No we're not. We only called you to bail us out of jail if we went not to take us home you can go now."
I grabbed my dress and slid it back on and put one of my heels on. I still feel drunk so I was struggling putting on my heels. Zara walked out the room and to find a vending machine and Chandler yanked me by my arm so I can look at him. I tried to push him off of me but he grabbed my other arm and looked at my head wound.
"You okay." He said in a soft tone
"I'm fine. You should see the other bitch." I said making him laugh. I leaned forward and almost threw up the smell was way too strong and he needed to let me go.
I pulled away from him and ran into the bathroom and threw up. He came behind me and held my hair back and rubbed my back. Ugh this one is making me sick every five seconds.
"You good?" He asked
"I'm fine still drunk." I said getting up from the floor and walking to the sink to rinse my mouth.
"You sure that's all?" He questioned
I looked up at him and saw him staring at me. Does he know? How would he know Alana? I rolled my eyes at myself and turned around to face him.
"I'm positive." I said
He just nodded his head and walked out the room to find the doctor. He was sitting at the nurses station reviewing some paperwork with a nurse. Chandler went to find Zara so I talked freely.
"Did you tell him?" I asked
"No I can't do that. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. But thanks for everything"
I walked out the hospital and saw Zara and Chandler talking at his rental car. I walked up to him and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. I stopped in my tracks and looked at Zara who had a guilty look on her face.
"YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Chandler screamed in my face
"YOU TOLD!" I screamed at Zara
"Don't look at her look at me. You pregnant?" He asked me
"No." I said lying. Zara looked at me with a scrunched up face and then got into the car. Chandler grabbed me and pulled me back towards him.
"Stop lying. How far along are you?" Chandler asked me
"It doesn't matter I'm not keeping it!"
"I'll kill you before you kill my child." He yelled
"It doesn't matter what you want! This child will be gone and there's nothing you can do about it. You don't own me! And Zara I cant believe you!" I said
"He deserved to know Alana." She said in a low voice
I don't care how mad Chandler is or how much he loves me it's not working. I can't keep this child I don't want it or care to have it. Avery is my only child for now and I'm just not ready for another one. Shit I wasn't ready for Avery.
"This better not be because you don't want Terrence to know we had sex."
"No it's not because of Terrence. If you think i want to put my body through that over him then you're fucking crazy." I spat at him "I dont want another baby and I don't want another baby by you!! Now take me home!" I got into the car and we all argued the whole way to the hotel. We argued while I packed and we argued in the airport.
Once we got on the plane I saw that me and Chandler had to sit next to me on the plane. I groaned and sat next to the window and put on my headphones and ignored him. He yanked out my earphones and I looked at him.
"So you seriously going to kill my baby." He said in a sad tone.
Here he go trying to guilt trip me. I'm not falling for it.
"Yes I am plus it's not a baby right now it's a bunch of cells."
"Either way it's ours and you're killing it!" He quietly yelled.
"Didnt you try to kill me and Avery when I was pregnant the first time? Or did you forget! I'm not keeping it so you can save the sad act it's not working this time. Now I'm going to need you to keep Avery for another day. Can you do that for me?"
"Yeah." Was all he said to me then he put on his beats and fell asleep.
The whole plane ride I was in deep thought. I thought about moving again but I'm not doing that again. I love where I'm at. My mind went to Terrence and how I wasn't being serious with our relationship. In all honesty I felt like I didn't deserve him because he was such a good man and I'm a fuck up of a woman. I am so far up Chandler's ass to see that I'm just losing myself as a person and as a woman. Finally home I ignored Chandler and Zara and ran to my car that was parked in the airport parking lot and sped home. I wanted to be alone and as much as I wanted to get my son I decided not to. If I did and Monica said something flip to me I would have shot her and I'm not in the mood. Once I got home I grabbed my phone and made called planned parenthood.
"Hi, this is Lisa how may I help you?"
"I would like to schedule an abortion for tomorrow if I can." I said in the phone.
"We have an opening for 11:30 am if that's okay with you."
"That's perfect for me."
"Do you have someone to pick you up?" Lisa asked
"Yes I do." I said thinking back to Zara
"Okay well you're all set. Have a good day."
I hung up the phone and laid down in bed I started crying. I don't know why but I just felt like a complete failure. I need my mom and dad. I miss them so much. I grabbed my phone and called my mom.
"Hello?" My mom said into the phone.
Hearing her voice made me instantly cry. I started shaking and cried harder.
"Alana what's wrong honey?" She asked me
"Ma. I'm pregnant" i said finally
"Oh honey. I'm sure Terrence will be excited."
"No ma it's not Terrence's it's Chandler's"
I heard my mom cussing under breath and then she put the phone back to her ear.
"Does he know?"
"Yes but I'm not keeping it." I said now wiping my eyes.
"I'm coming there. When are you going?" My mom said
"Tomorrow at 11:30 am."
"I'll be there beforehand. See you in a bit." She hung up the phone.
Knowing that my mom was coming here made me feel a little better. I knew that I shouldn't have moved away I wasn't ready but I needed to get away. I went into the kitchen and made myself something to eat and went back in my room. I don't know why I even made anything I only ate two bites of it and fell asleep.
"Alana!" Chandler screamed making me jump up out of my sleep.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. I rubbed my eyes and saw him holding Avery. I jumped up and grabbed Avery and kissed all over his sleeping body. I missed my baby boy so much.
"You told your mom! She called me and told me to meet her at the airport so I brought Avery home." He said then he walked out the door. He's pissed off at me and I don't care. He's not the one going through a trauma here I am!
Two hours later my mom and Chandler were both back at my house. I only knew that because I heard my mama and him arguing. I walked from the back of my house and saw my mom waving her finger in his face. My mom and Chandler knew each other since middle school as well so she had no problem going off on him.
"You are so selfish Chandler. Why you can't keep your fucking dick in your pants? Huh! You like hurting Monica is that a kink for you? Stupid ass piece of shit! I can't fucking believe you. Just fucking ignant" my mama said to him
"Alana is also guilty in this shit too." Chandler said
"I know she is. I told you not to open your legs for this man again and you did it anyways. All the dick and pussy in the world and y'all just can't stop fucking each other. Stupid both of y'all. Get the fuck out my face I can't stand the sight of either of y'all. Now where is my grand baby." My mom said walking away from us. "Just fucking stupid after this both of y'all better not fuck anymore. Or Alana if you want to be a fucking side chick get on birth control!"
I laughed to myself because my mom is everything I want to be. My mom didn't work she wanted to be a housewife but that doesn't mean she isn't a boss she still has her master degree in teaching. She wasn't afraid to tell anyone off or that they were wrong. She kept everyone in line and dared them to say something smart about it. My mom was a 5'4 woman with a big personality. She was just amazing to me.
"Same ol Carmen. Never afraid to say what's on her mind." Chandler said looking down at me
"Yeah she's not as soft spoken as me." I said
"You're so not soft spoken. You just forgive easily which is why I love you."
"You mean you like the fact that I'm gullible don't lie Chandler." I spat
"No. I mean exactly what I said" Chandler grabbed my hand and I pulled away. Here he go pulling out all his tricks. Not working.
"I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight"
"Okay. Good night"
I saw tears forming in his eyes and my heart shattered but what could I do. I don't want this child inside of me I know it sounds harsh but it is what it is. My mom told me to rest for the night and that she will wake up with Avery and I gladly went into my room and cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I felt like I was in a daze. I just felt like everything I did was an outer body experience.
"Morning honey are you ready?" My mom asked me
"Yeah. Where's Avery?"
"In the nursery with Chandler. Come on you don't want to be late you might be there for a while."
I got dressed and went to my car a drove to the clinic. Once we got there I just stopped at the door I couldn't open it. I started shaking I was so scared and sad.
"I got you. Just breathe" my mom said
I started breathing and relaxing and went into the clinic. Once I signed in they told me a nurse would come find me and guide me to the room. I sat there waiting for a hour and I felt like I wanted to run out and not look back. I saw the nurse walk up to me and guide me to the back. Once she took my blood and talk with me over the procedure I sat back in the chair and closed my eyes.
"Good morning Alana I'll be your doctor today. Now we are going to give you something to numb you then we'll start okay."
"Okay"
I got the medicine through my IV and laid back. I closed my eyes and just prayed the whole time. I started to feel pressure and cramping in my abdomen and cried. I'm sorry baby but I wasn't ready to meet you or have you in my life. I'm just so sorry.