Loving him is so wrong!

Chapter twenty-nine

Chandler
Heartbroken. I am completely heartbroken about this whole situation with Alana. This morning I couldn't stop crying. I looked at Avery I cried. Think about Mariah i cried. Serena and Zara just cried. I know that I the baby was never born but I was grieving a baby that could have been. I agreed to keep Avery but I thought about driving down there and dragging her out of there. I am angry like I don't know how I'm going to handle myself when she gets home and Carmen told me that she was driving so they would be here in a couple of minutes. While Avery napped I decided to go outside and smoke. I haven't smoked since I was in my twenties but I definitely needed it. I found weed in Zara's suitcase and took it with me to Alana's house. I don't know how she got it through airport security but I'm glad she did. I lit the blunt and just sat there thinking about my life. I could do better I mean I can be a better husband. It's not like Alana wants me anymore. I could be a better hus- fuck I'm hungry. I started laughing to myself as I took another hit.
"Classy Chandler. Where's my grandbaby?" Carmen said snapping me out of my daze. I rolled my eyes and pointed inside the house. My eyes went to Alana who instantly put her head down and anger just filled my body. I put the blunt right back in my mouth and smoked. I wanted so bad to scream but what good would that do now. It's not bringing my baby back so I'll just leave it. I finished the blunt and went into the house and walked straight into the kitchen. I want chips and dip. I saw Carmen in there making tea and I pushed passed her and grab the bag of chips.
"Chandler you almost made me drop my tea!" Carmen yelled
"I want chips and dip."  I said opening the bag of chips and devouring it. Ooooh maybe I'll order hot wings. No I want Thai food mmmm no whatever I'll just order everything.
"Ugh stupid ass" Carmen said as she stormed out the kitchen and went into Alana's room. I called every take out I knew and ordered from there. Minutes later Carmen came back out and just stared at me.
"What?" I said
"I'm leaving to go see Monica for a little bit I'm taking Avery. Can you make sure she's fine?"
"Yeah. I got her I always got her." I said walking towards Alana room.
"Let her sleep. She's been through a lot today."
"What about me? I've been through a trauma today too." I yelled in her face.
She slapped me in the face and just looked at me like I was crazy.
"If it wasn't for you she wouldn't be in any of this mess! What is it about her that you can't leave her alone?! She's been through enough shit with you and you keep pushing and pushing on her!!! Leave my child the fuck alone! I'm sick of seeing her cry over you!" Carmen yelled at me
"I'm in love with her Carmen! I can't leave her alone because I'm in love with her! I want to be with her instead of Mon but she won't give me the time of day so I just keep Monica around until one day Alana tells me that she wants to be with me and you can look at me like I'm crazy all you want but I want to be with her!" I shouted
Carmen looked at me with a shock expression. I guess she didn't think that I was in love with Alana but I was. What's the point though she wants Terrence not me and there's nothing I can do about it. Way to blow my fucking high!
"Does your wife know how you feel about Alana ?"
"Probably. I honestly don't know. She's blind if she doesn't." I said
"Well if you're in love with my daughter you would leave her alone. Let her grow with someone else and be in love with someone that's not married. Chandler let her go!"
Carmen walked out the house with Avery in his car seat and I watched her get in my truck before I locked the door and went into the room with Alana. She was in her bed sleeping, she looked so peaceful and beautiful. I took off my shoes and got in bed with her. I pulled her close to me and she woke up.
"Get out Chandler!" She screamed at me
"Hear me out please."
She sat up and looked at me. I saw how red her eyes were from crying and felt bad about everything. As much as I didn't want to do this I'm going to have to suck it up and let her go.
"I'm waiting." She said pushing me out of my thoughts
"I'm in love with you there's no denying that at all but your mom was right i need to let you grow with someone else and love someone else. I'm never going to be who you want me to be and I'm admitting that now. I have to suck up my pride and apologize for everything and let you go I love you baby." I said before getting up out of the bed walking to the door.
I turned and looked at her and she was in tears. I didn't know if those were happy tears or sad tears but she was crying. She walked up to me and hugged me like her life depended on it and I held her too. I didn't want to let go but I made a mental note of everything. The smell of the vanilla on her skin, the lavender smell of her shampoo,the softness of her lips, and the feeling of her small hand rubbing me. She looked at me and gave me one big kiss and then pulled away from me.
"I love you too and thank you."She said smiling up at me.
"So I ordered a bunch of food. You want some?" I asked making her laugh.
"Yeah. What did you get?"
"Some of everything." I said.
She went into the kitchen and bust out laughing. She didn't think it was as much food as I said it was but I wasn't lying. I got everything and I'm going to eat most of it. We sat and talked like really talked about everything and it felt good. I watched her eat but in her eyes I could still see the sadness in her eyes over the past events. I can let her go right? I mean I can fall back in love with Mon. Right?