Loving him is so wrong!

Chapter 52

Chandler
"You wanna talk in private?" I asked Alana. This is not how I planned on spending the time I missed with Alana but I guess we can get this out of the way. Alana stormed to the back and I followed behind her smiling. She's so cute when she's mad.
"Why are you asking me about Clara?" I asked
"Because the bitch says she's pregnant by you. She's like a week behind me so she says. It's fucking possible!" Alana said
"Well that's bullshit! She was fucking me,her husband and another man at the bar"
There's no way in hell that bitch is pregnant by me. I know I wrapped up with her and when I cummed I pulled out too just in case. So how the fuck was she pregnant by me? She's lying the bitch just wants to cause unnecessary drama. She sees dollars signs probably but she's not getting a penny out of me.
"This is some fucking bullshit today is supposed to be a happy moment for me but of course drama always fucks it up! And it's all because of you!" Alana said
Alana started pushing on me and hitting me. I just let her have her breakdown and then eventually grabbed her and stopped her from hitting me.
"Alana I'm over fighting and arguing with you!. I'll settle this okay that bitch is fucking lying! I promise that no more drama or fighting will happen between us after this shit!" I said. I kissed the top of her head. Alana started crying and I just hugged her until she couldn't cry anymore. Alana sat up and looked at me and I smiled downed at her.
"Okay." Alana said as she laid her head back on me and inhaled the scent of my cologne. Even though I told Alana that I know that Clara's baby wasn't mine I was low key freaking out inside about this. I was really drunk that night but I know for a fact I didn't cum inside her! That I am positive about.
"You know your blind ass walked straight past me when you got home. You didn't even noticed me with Avery in my arms." I said changing the subject
"I just wanted to get out my clothes. My mind was on calling you and telling you the surprise I just found out today." Alana said as she laughed and kissed on my neck.
"Oh yeah how's my baby? What's the surprise?"
Alana got up off the bed and went to the dresser and grabbed the sonogram and gave it to me. I looked at it and honestly couldn't truly tell what was on it but it looked like two little jelly beans to me. Wait? TWO LITTLE BEANS?
"Alana are you having twins?" I asked
"Yeah"
I dropped the sonogram and sat back on the bed. Wow! Not one but two more babies coming into my life in a matter of months. Alana walked up to me and raised her eyebrows at me. I guess she was waiting on my reaction but honestly I'm fucking speechless. I rolled off the bed and got on my knees to kiss Alana's stomach.
"Hello thing one and thing two I'm your daddy. Please be boys please please please." I said making Alana laugh.
"Can one of you at least be a girl cause after you two no more.. tubes are getting tied!"
"You sure about that? You wouldn't want anymore after them?" I looked up at her and she shook her head no. She always said three was her maximum number of kids but I don't want her to tie them because she thinks I want her to.
"I'm three and done. I'm good on kids after this! The baby shop will be closed!"
"Good! I'm too old to be chasing after babies! I'll be in my 60s by the time they graduate." I said truthfully. Shit in all honesty I was fine with just Zara and Serena but I wanted my boy and got four more kids in the process. I shook my head to myself and got up off the floor then pulled Alana in for a kiss. It felt good to finally be home and I don't plan on leaving at all. See those two months in France with my parents were stressful but good. I argued with my dad everytime I came over and my mom did nothing about it. It wasn't until I knocked him on his ass that my mom forced me to leave and honestly it was time for me to go anyways. Before I left my mom came to my hotel and had a heart to heart with me about everything that happened. She knew that we knew about the hitting but she had no where else to go because she went from her parents house into my dad's house. She had no skill set and was madly in love with a controlling man. My mom said she was sorry because she knew that it affected me the most because my anger got out of control the older I got but she didn't know how to handle it and my dad thought it was fine and that it made me a man so she never questioned him on it. She felt like if she got me help earlier on I wouldn't be the way I am today. She also told me my dad saw himself in me the most which is why he pushed me the way he did and she wished she stepped in on that too. We talked for hours more that day about me and how it's not too late to change for the better so when I left I felt better about myself. I felt even better about changing and wasn't afraid of it anymore. I know I can stop hitting it's just I chose not to stop. If I don't want to be my dad it's time for me to stop acting like him. Now it's time for me to have a heart to heart with Alana.
"Baby can I asked you something?" I said
"You just did." She said with a little smirk on her face.
"Okay smart ass but nah. Are you afraid of me?"
"What do you mean?" She asked in a confused tone.
"I mean are you scared of me? Are you staying with me because you think I'm going to kill you or something?"
"I'm not afraid of you in general I'm only scared when you're mad at me because I never know how that's going to turn out." Alana said
"I'm sorry that I scare you sometimes. I wanna change that!" I said truthfully.
"I mean it's my fault I make you ma-"
"No! No! No! Stop blaming yourself baby. It was me it was all me! I could have walked away or something. I've never should have hit you ever! I'm the fucked up person here not you! Alana you are an amazing human being and I'm just sorry I put you through that. I'm sorry about every last fucked up thing I've done! I'm sorry for the yelling and the screaming. I'm sorry for the constantly loneliness you felt. Shit Alana I'm just sorry" i said
"You wanna know what's weird." Alana said to me
"What's that?"
"You seem more relaxed now. More calm like even when you're talking it's softer. I never heard your voice so soft i mean I thought for a minute we will have another screaming match but we didn't you let me freak out then you stopped me.. it was.....healthy fighting"
We looked at each other and laughed. I mean it wasn't the way we always fought. It was different instead of going off on her about not believing me I just calmly told her that I would prove it to her and look at us argument over.
"It's because I'm done fighting over dumb shit. You don't deserve it you deserve peace and happiness. That's why I'm going to ask you to come to the next therapy session I have." I said as I grabbed her and pulled her close to me.
"When is it?"
"Tomorrow around noonish" I said
"Okay. I'll be there" Alana said as she smiled up at me.
I kissed her forehead then her lips. Alana move her head back but then the sounds of Avery coming from the next room but the sounds was getting closer. I sighed and went to the door and saw Alonzo standing there with Avery in his arms.
"Shocking to see you here." I said to Alonzo
"Yeah. Well you two out here now we need to talk." Alonzo said in a stern voice. Oh shit! I don't like the way he's looking at me. I looked back at Alana who shrugged her shoulders and we both walked towards the front. There I saw Carmen and Levi there talking and Carmen did not look so happy. Alana went to kiss her mom's cheek but she moved her head away from her. She pointed to the seat next to her and Alana quickly sat down.
"Ma what's wrong with you?" Alana asked
"How could you not tell us that you're pregnant we had to hear it from this stupid ass instead of you." Carmen said pointing at me.
"I was going to tell you today. Chandler thank you for opening your big mouth" Alana said glaring at me.
"I only told Alonzo." I shrugged
"Another thing. Are y'all together or is this fighting and baby making going to be a thing? Alana I thought I said there had better be a ring on your finger if you wanted to have more babies! Chandler you do know what condoms are don't you?"
"Ma oh my god! I am grown last time I checked" Alana had her arms crossed and I just sat back and watched. I didn't want to get in the middle of them Alana and Carmen are the same when it comes to an attitude so it's basically watching Alana and future Alana fighting.
"Excuse you? Okay miss grown ass watch your tone when you're talking to me and you better uncross those arms! Now answer my question! Chandler?"
"Ummm we're together." I said
"Alana. Come talk to me in private" Carmen said as she got up and walked to the back. Alana followed behind her and it just left me,Levi, and Alonzo sitting at the table. And for some reason I sense hostility coming from Alonzo.
"You good?" I asked him.
"I'm good." He said
"Alonzo just say whatever it is that's on your mind."
"Okay. No I'm not fine! Chandler I've never been fine with all that has went on with you and Alana. I put up this front for Alana because she wants me too but fuck!! I can't stand this shit and I can't believe that you would go against our friendship and do all the shit that you've done to Alana. I have never known you to be the type of person to hit women you are until you and Alana got together! I knew you had anger issues but seriously you get down like that? And not just hitting women in general it's only on my fucking daughter! You have no idea how mad I am when it comes to that shit but I was hoping it that y'all relationship would have fizzle out but it's obviously not going to! I'm telling you this and it's coming from the bottom of my heart and soul. The next time you put your hands on her in a way she doesn't like I will kill you and I'm so fucking serious. Try it and find out!" Alonzo said getting in my face. Levi quickly got between us just in case but I just nodded and went to my suitcase and grabbed a box.  I believed every ounce of that threat and I knew he meant every bit of it. But I'm changing so he wouldn't have to ever worry about me and Alana's having any drama ever again. I threw the box into his hand and he opened it and saw an engagement ring. And not any ring the ring Alana wanted. I remember she showed me some ring jeweler that made rose shaped engagement rings and I went and got it made. Spent a hell of amount of money on it but anything for her.
"Alonzo I just wanted to say I'm sorry okay. I never thought I would have fallen in love with her hell I didn't think I would ever sleep with Alana either. It all happened so fast that before I realized it I was in love with her. I promise that one time I hit her was the only time and last time and I regret that day every second I'm around her and every time I look at Avery. I shouldn't have done it and I blacked out that day. You can hate me but I want to do right by Alana I'm getting all the help and closure that I can to live drama free. I'm getting too old for the bullshit but I promise you this that I want to live a peaceful life. I'm tired of having this anger inside me I want to change. Believe me or not but it's the truth! Don't give up on me yet. Please." I said
Alonzo didn't say a word he just kept looking at the ring. He took it out of the box and held it to the light. Levi stood there watching us and then looked at me with a weird smile on his face.
"Wow Chandler I actually believe that you want to change. Hell I see it in your demeanor you seem at peace a little. You seem calm it's weird that you're not yelling and getting defensive. You're taking responsibility for your actions for the first time since shit I don't know. Ever!" Levi said making me and Alonzo laugh.
"He's right about that you do seem at ease with yourself. It's weird not seeing you yell or get defensive but you only been back for a day let's me see how you are months from now. But damn man you spent a grip on this ring." Alonzo said putting the ring back in the box and throwing it back to me.
"I am at ease i feel better about myself I mean it's taken me all these years to get actual help. You can thank Alana for that." I said making Alonzo roll his eyes.
"Yeah. Aight I hear you man. But what about your dad? Are y'all on some kind of good term"
"The closure I got from him is finally telling him how he messed me up growing up and cutting him out of my life completely. Even though I already wasn't talking to him for a decade but I still sent birthday shit to him. My mom wanted me to fight for a relationship with him but it's not worth it. I promise my mom that I'll talk to her more though so there's that." I said.
Alana and Carmen came back up to the front where we were and Carmen came and hugged me. It shocked the hell out of me we haven't exactly had the best relationship. Alonzo looked at his wife and then she nodded and I saw Alana looking at me smiling. I guess they talk went good.
"Chandler. I hope that what Alana told me is true and I'm looking forward to seeing the calm you." Carmen said "baby we can go look at that house now."
"What house?" Alana asked
"Well I'm getting two more grand babies and I'm not missing a thing! Oh and I packed Avery a bag he's staying with us for the night I'll bring him back when I want to" Carmen said
"Well let me get a final kiss then." I said as I grabbed the sleeping Avery and kissed him.
We walked everyone to the door and said our goodbyes and now it was just me and her in the house.
"So?" Alana said taking off her robe
"Sooooooo what do you have in mind?" I said picking her up and taking her to our bedroom. I looked around the house and realized it's a nice size but it's going to be too small.
"Alana. We need a new house." I said in between kisses.
"Yeah i know." She said not really listening.
I stopped trying to talk about house and gave her what she wanted until she couldn't take any more.
*******************************************
The next morning I was so nervous. I mean this was one of my final steps in redemption. This could either make us or break us which is why I'm shaking. My therapist thought that it would be a good idea to have a session with Alana since I told him that she was my trigger.
"Alana you ready?" I screamed as I put on my shoes
"Yes. Let's get this show on the road." Alana said
We got into the car and I drove in silence. I wanted to get in the right headspace for the conversation we're about to have. I'm scared but I need this session. Once we got to the building we checked in and sat down and waited for them to call us back.
"Good morning Chandler so nice to see you again." Dr Mitchell said
"Hey and of course the one you've been waiting on. This is Alana" i said
"Hi Alana nice to finally meet you. I'm Dr. Mitchell but you can call me Bryce"
"Hi Bryce."
"Don't be nervous. Please sit and congratulations on the babies."
"Thank you." We both said in unison
"So Chandler I only got to talk to you once while you where gone? So how did the dad thing go?"
"It went bad but you told me if he wouldn't own up to anything then maybe it was time to cut him off." I said
"And did you cut him off?" Dr. Mitchell was writing away in his notepad and then stopped.
"Yeah. And I feel good about that." I said
Dr Mitchell then smiled at me and turned his head towards Alana. He smiled at her and then looked at me.
"You ready to get into the hard stuff?" He asked me
"Ready as I'll ever be."
"Okay so Alana you do know Chandler says you're a trigger for him."
"I uh I didn't know that I was" Alana said looking up at me.
"Chandler why do you say that she's a trigger. From previous sessions you have told me that you've only hit Mon twice in your whole years of being together but it's something about Alana. What is that something?"
"She reminds me of my mom... she's uhhh ha she's weak"
"WEAK!" Alana yelled
"Not weak.. gullible" i said quickly changing what I said
"No keep the word before weak. You think Alana's weak."
"I am not weak!"
"Alana it's not that I think you're weak I mean it's like okay. You never held me accountable for my actions you always blamed yourself before looking at me just like my mom is with my dad. So i thought since you see nothing wrong then I'm not doing anything wrong because you always forgiven me. It wasn't until I almost killing you again that it clicked in my head. I kept hearing my dad telling me over and over that this is how I keep my house in order and I couldn't deal. I was turning into him and that's one man I never wanted to be like. I don't want that for us I don't want you to feel as if you need to walk around scared waiting for me to lash out again. It's not good for me or you."
"Good Chandler good. You're explaining everything not keeping it on the inside. Now Alana I have a question for you."
"Okay."
"Are you afraid of Chandler."
Alana didn't say anything she just sat there. She was looking at Dr. Mitchell and she looked as if she was thinking.
"No I'm not afraid of him." Alana finally said
"Okay and I want to get into you. Chandler told me about your ex and how he was. Do you think you need closure from him to move on with life? Even if that means not being with Chandler if you suddenly do."
I gave him a face but then I looked at Alana. She grabbed my hand and then opened her mouth to say something.
"I don't need closure form Derek. I don't need to hear anything from him because he's not going to admit that he was wrong on anything. My closure was moving on." Alana said
Again he started writing in his notepad and nodding his head at us.
"Do you have a questions for me Alana?" He asked
"Well I do have one. I know Chandler is saying that he wants to change but can abusers just stop abusing?" Alana asked
"They can if they want to change. it's definitely possible for them to put that anger somewhere else to the point they don't feel the need to use their hands anymore. It's not a disease where they stay one way he can change his life around for the better. Now with Chandler his anger came from dealing with a toxic father like his and now that he finally decided to cut him off I believe that Chandler can heal. It's going to take time of course it's not an overnight thing but it happens. I am going to get on a personal level and say for me I was an abuser. I use to fight and hit my way out over everything until one day I saw my daughter watching. I divorced my wife and put myself through some counseling of my own and I changed then I decided to open my own practice and help people just like me. Me and my ex wife even got remarried after a while and we have been fine ever since. You can ask her she's my assistant here." Dr. Mitchell said to us.
I didn't know any of that about him because he always was just cool and level headed person. But now I see why he always wasn't afraid to go there with me he really wanted me to change because he went through everything I went through.
"Wow. That's crazy Bryce I'm happy to hear that though that means there is hope after all." Alana said
"There is people change and it's better late than never. I know Chandler will do everything right he will make amends and continue on becoming a peaceful person"
"You're right about that because I am ready to end all the bad and do some good to people."
"Good. Now you're time is up and I see remarkable progress versus how you were when we first started. Good job Chandler and Alana it was nice to finally meet you. Make sure you book your next appointment Chandler." Dr. Mitchell said as he walked us out his office and to the front desk. I made my next appointment and we went on our way. I was smiling and felt amazing. I actually feel some light on the inside. But there's no more thing for me to handle.
"Baby I'm going to call Clara and we all are gonna talk okay. Because I know that she's lying."
"Okay. I'm so there and do it soon." Alana said
"I will the sooner we get this over with the fucking better."
I'm changing y'all. Believe me.