Destined with the Bad Girl ➸ Camren Fanfic

Keeping Up With Shawmila

A/N:
I'm sorry if this chapter is so shitty. I'm having a writer's block right now and I don't wanna make you guys wait longer for an update so please bare with me on this one. Thanksss ❤️🥰

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Like rainbow after the rain
Joy will reveal itself after sorrow
- rupi kaur

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Chapter 56
Lauren's POV

To love Camila is the most easiest thing to do that it frightens me. I've never been good at anything. I am that someone who smell like a band-aid drenched in lonely. I am that perfect someone who can give temporary solution to the empty side of the bed for anyone who needs it. I was clueless. I was lost. Until I met Camila. She turns my world upside down. She knocked me completely off of my feet. She gave me reasons to live, reasons to believe, and reasons to love again. She brought back the beat of my heart I thought I've lost forever just by looking at me like I'm the moon, sun, and stars all in one. Like I haven't been scarred from the wars I've fought.

She's all I could ever think of. And before I could piece it altogether, it all happened right before my eyes— I found myself falling incredibly faster for her even though I swore to myself a million times that I will never fall In love again. But somehow she managed to blew that up.

And every time I look in her brown orbs, I see my future plays out right in front of my eyes: I imagine Camila pins my last name to hers. Like a beautiful butterfly, she'll walk down the aisle with her dad like a 5-foot promise. She'll have champagne in her hand as she laugh with her circle of friends and I will get drunk on her laughter. When the pastor asks me if I take her to be my wife I will say yes before he even finishes the sentence. I'll apologize later for being impolite but I will also explain to him that our first kiss happened five years ago and I've been practicing my "I do" for the past one-thousand, eight-hundred, and twenty-five days.

If they ask me to describe forever, I'll tell them it lives as a she, embodied inside the Cuban-American girl. I'll tell them her brown dreamy eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long. I'll tell them that she has a walk that can make an atheist believe in God, just long enough to say "Goddamn". I'll tell them that if she came in a bottle, I would drink her until my vision is blurry. I'll tell them that if she was a book, I would memorize her table of contents and I would read her cover to cover. I'll tell them that if she was a painting, she will be the most magnificent piece of art everyone will see, not even Mona Lisa can stand a chance. And if they ask me if forever has a name, I'll tell them it's Camila. My Camila.

But to love Camila Cabello who's loved by everyone and have an image to portray is extremely difficult. It's starting to wear me out. It's exhausting; to get fed by empty promises. To learn how not overthink when she's being held and kissed by someone else. To learn how to defeat the demons in my head just so I could keep my head above the water and not get drown. To learn how to control my emotions so I could keep my sanity in place. To learn to be more patient and understanding. To stay late at night waiting for her to come home, if she still wants to come home to me. To learn how to conquer my greatest fear that one day Camila will step in this door and tell me that she don't want me anymore.

I know she loves me. Despite of this difficult situation that we're in she's trying her best to make it up to me whenever she can. But then there's this questions that haunts me. They simply won't go away.

She told she loves me but until when?

She told she will never get tired of loving me but why is it every time I look in her eyes I could see that she's simply tired and exhausted?