Destined with the Bad Girl ➸ Camren Fanfic

The Moon and the Sun

The moon and the sun are love and fear. One fades as the other rises.
- dj

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Chapter 34
Lauren's POV

"You're getting better and better, Lauren. Mind if I ask what's keeping you motivated?" Doctor Martins asked as he look straight in my eyes.

"Camila. I want to love her better, because she deserves it. She deserves far more better than this." I answered truthfully while staring at my trembling hands. I can feel my tears swelling up in my eyes at the thought of all the horrible things I've done to her. Love wasn't suppose to hurt like this. I wasn't suppose to love her like this.

It's been 2 weeks since I'm seeing Dr. Martins for a therapy  to cure my nightmare and my drinking problems. So far, everything is doing great. I can now restrain and control myself from drinking and most importantly, I can feel that I'm getting more better and better. I really don't want to be here, but after my conversation with Camila last 2 weeks ago and hearing her say that she's tired of the same old cycle is like a cold water that suddenly splash right into my face. She's crying so hard that day and it broke my heart. All she ever did is to love me unconditionally but all I'm doing is to hurt her, countless of times.

The first three days of this therapy is kinda hard for me because the time I decided to accept his service to help me move forward with my life and accept things the way they are no matter how ugly it is, that's the start of opening up everything to him. As in everything. From bad to good, from beautiful to ugliest things that I've done. And talking about it is hard for me because they are too personal to share, things that I don't want to talk about because voicing it out means putting a salt to the wound.

But that's the point of coming here. To let him get through me. To break down my walls. To teach me how to let go of things. How to accept them. And as I struggle to find a voice of speak everything out, I remember Camila. The very reason why I am here. The very reason why I wanted to free myself from everything so I can give her the best version of me.

And that's the start of everything.

I quit my job as a repossession of illegal stuff just to earn a large amount of money. I realized that I can earn the same thing by working in a safe and legal workplace. In that way, I can also assure that there's nothing bad will happen to Camila.

In the morning, I am a student who's grinding to get a better grades. At night, I am a hard working service crew in Pizza Parlour near times square. At home, I am trying to be the best girlfriend as possible.

Dr. Martins also advice that to keep myself away from the calling of alcoholic substance, I should keep myself busy and distracted all the time. He suggested that I should take an art class since I have a talent in painting. He told me that if I ever pay attention on sharping those skills, I might be a famous painter one day. His words motivated me so I joined an art competition held by New York National Art Museum. And I had a lot of fun. So far, me and my artwork won few trophies. And if before our apartment was filled with empty bottle of liquors, now it was filled with canvas and bunch of gallons of paint.

"That's good to hear, Lauren. I'm so proud of you, really. And I'm sure especially your girlfriend."

I smiled, "About that... she doesn't know that I'm here. Well," I rub the back of my neck, "I'm planning to surprise her tonight so I'm going to ask you a little favor, if that's okay with you."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Can you like, give me a certificate or something that I can show to her later? Like a proof."

"Sure thing." Dr. Martins smiled before he stand up from his seat, "Hold on a moment." He walk over to the other room leaving me all alone. I glance at my watch and it's already 6:16 pm.