Destined with the Bad Girl ➸ Camren Fanfic

Jealousy is a Very Dangerous Game

Some days I'm afraid to write, because sometimes the honesty kills me.
- perry poetry

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Chapter 51
Camila's POV

They always asked me: "How could you do it? Be friends with your ex without feeling anything or wanting it all back? Seeing her smile and hearing her laughter without wishing you're still the reason of it?" And I always answered them as confident as I possibly could: "Simple. I'm over her. She's over me. We moved on from what happened."

And I'm always so sure of my words. I think it's because I thought I'm irreplaceable in Lauren's heart. The thought that I'll always hold a power over her heart no matter what happens boost my confidence that she'll never forget about me. Sometimes, I think about her loving someone else. I think about someone else touching her or making her laugh. And I told to myself: "There's nothing I could handle. I'll be fine. Besides, I'm over her anyway." And then I remember how much I believe myself. How much comfort and security I found in those words.

But I guess you could really say that you're over someone when it's all happening right in front of your eyes. When you saw her holding hands with someone else. When you hear her laughing at her stupid jokes. When you saw how her eyes lit up while talking about her. When you rarely cross her mind because all she can think about is her— And then I realized... we lie best when we lie to ourselves.

It's been two weeks since that night happened.

Two weeks since I last talked to Shawn.

Two weeks since Lauren started seeing someone else.

And I've been suppressing my feelings towards the green eyed girl for two weeks now.

I tried so hard to fight it, tell myself a thousand times that I shouldn't suppose to feel this way, that I will never put myself out there and watch her break my heart into tiny million of pieces again, that I will never give her a gun and hope that she won't pull the trigger and leave, I think about all the things she had done, all the things that made me hate her, but still, I couldn't find the strength to love her any less. Instead, the feelings grew more stronger and stronger that it's getting out of hand.

I'm weak for her. I still can't win. I can never win.

I'm caught between Lauren and Shawn. Happiness and security. I don't want to hurt him but every bone screams Lauren's name. I want to be with her, but... do I have the heart to hurt him? Break him into pieces when all he did was to love me and make me happy? After everything he did for me and my son I don't think I can hurt him. At some point I learned how to love him. I still love him though but that love is slowly turning into a brother's love and I hate myself that I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening.

Dinah and I stopped at the coffee shop to grab something to drink before we head over to the studio. Lauren was no where to be found this morning and surprisingly, Dinah showed her ass up and offered her assistance to me so who am I refuse? It's lot more better to spend some time Dinah than to spend some time with my ex whom I'm slowly falling for.

"There, Cheechee! We should make a stop at Starbucks. I'm really craving."

"Nope." Dinah continued driving. She completely drive pass the Starbucks, making me groaned.

"What do you mean no, Dinah?"

"I knew a place far more better than Starbucks. Trust me, you won't regret it."

A mischievous smirk creeps on her face and I know for sure I cannot trust that smirk. It's either she's planning something or some kind of trouble is waiting for me there.