Destined with the Bad Girl ➸ Camren Fanfic

Angels Can Be a Confessed Sinner Too

You make me feel the things I didn't believe in anymore.
- perry poetry

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Chapter 19
Camila's POV

The cold wind coming from the west coast gives me a fresh feeling and the smell of ocean is giving every piece of my nerve a relaxing treatment. I've always been In love with the ocean, it's smell and it's presence. Lauren and I are standing at the cliff while looking at the San Francisco's golden bridge. Today is the start of Lauren's dare and ever since this morning, Lauren is so quiet. Though she will joke around and piss me off like she always does and even though there's a smile plastered on her lips I know something is bothering her. She's not happy, and it bothers the hell out of me too. I want to ask her what's wrong but I need to control myself. I shouldn't show to her that I care so it'll be easy for us to just move forward and shove everything behind us when this 3 days dare finally comes to an end.

After a long moment of silence, Lauren speak. "I love this place."

Casually, I reply, "You've been here before?"

"No, this is my first time."

"What do you love about the place though?"

"No one knows who am I, what I am. I can start fresh. Away from everyone."

I shift my eyes to Lauren. What is this emotion painted in her face? For the first time, I can feel her slowly putting her guard down. This is the first time I'm going to see her vulnerable.

"What do you see when you look at me?" Lauren asked, not meeting my gaze. Her green eyes kept darted straight to the golden bridge in front of us.

"Uhh," I get tongue tied to her question as my heart started to beat erratically inside my chest, "Y-you're...you're beautiful. You're like...like an angel."

Lauren bitterly scoff, "An angel?"

With my utmost sincerity, I reply, "Yes. An angel." My beautiful angel.

"When I look at myself in the mirror I see nothing but a failure. A disappointment. A monster." There's a tears forming in Lauren's eyes and because of it, I can feel my chest getting squeezed very very tightly. "The thing I can't stand most about myself is that I'm so rarely settled. That I cannot allow myself the space to feel satisfaction of what I do. That I avoid intimacy at all cost and court difficult things. That I dismantle everything I love because I am so terrified of endings. I am still hurting and I am still lying about it. There is no soft way to say that sometimes I forget how to breathe so I skip that and ask what's for dinner instead. I am still learning to do the easy things like eat when I'm hungry and leave my bed everyday. I am still learning to twist my tongue around words that resemble the truth. I am still falling asleep with hopes that everything will be okay even though all my griefs says the same thing: this isn't how it's supposed to be and the world laughs and says: this is how it is. I am still falling In love with the sun. I am still stepping around broken glass and thinking that counts as strength. I am still hoping I will be saved from everything that slowly destroying me." Tears finally run down to her cheeks, making the air caught up in between my throat. It's hard to see Lauren like this. It pains me.

"And then you came. I swear, I didn't mean to make you this important to me. I'm happy when I'm with you. You touched me and suddenly, I feel a little less war torn. I'm not sure what peace is supposed to feel like but I think it may feel a lot like you. And for that, I could feel it happening. Slowly, but it was happening. I prayed every night that it wouldn't happen, but it was inevitable. I...I fell In love with you, Camila. And it...it scares me so much. I-I've been numb for too long that I forgot how to love and feel loved anymore." Lauren scoff, still crying. "Besides, who would pray for Satan, right? Who, in the fucking world, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"