Getting to my small apartment, I quickly freshen up and change into an oversized t-shirt. My apartment is not an ideal one but it’s good enough for me. There is one bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen which is in one room with the dining and lounge area. None of my family members ever visit me because there is no place to sleep. Maybe one day when I get the job I studied for, I will look for a bigger apartment and maybe they can come visit.
I head to the kitchen. I am making Egusi soup and garri which is my favourite dish. I boil the meat and stock fish with maggi, salt and onion. While allowing it to boil, I take my phone and get on Instagram. I don’t usually utilize my accounted. I have posted about 10 pictures there. Three of them from my graduation. The social media I utilize the most is Facebook because I love reading stories there. I am tempted to search Makhosonke and my curiosity wins.
His account is the first one that pops up. _somkhanda1_ and his real name is Makhosonke Gumbi. I scroll down his wall and I can see that the guy is living thee life. Vacations outside the continent, nice cars, expensive houses, Rolexes. He is just living his best life and he never forgets to spoil his girlfriend, @nica_nonye. My pot quickly brings me back to reality. I add more water and then sprinkle egusi in it. I stir the soup and go back to stalking the arrogant couple. During my ‘research’ I discover that Makhosonke recently celebrated his 31st birthday. He is a senior executive at some law firm. That’s no surprise. Lawyers are really arrogant.
I finish cooking my meal and allow it to cool as I settle on my couch and read the latest chapter of Camilla Smith which is a story written by Cathrine Phiri. I live a pretty boring life. Go to work, come back, cook and read novels while I wait for my food to cool down. Then watch a few TV shows before going back to the books. Once a month, or even twice, I go out with Mathenji and a few other colleagues but sometimes I ditch them for books. When I have had enough or reading, I eat my dinner, pack the leftovers on two containers and place them in the fridge.
My phone rings and I smile when I see the caller. My little sister, Kosisochukwu. We get along pretty well and she always checks up on me which is weird because I am the one who is supposed to be checking up on her. She is doing a diploma in town and regional planning. She plans to join me this side once she is done.
“Akose my beloved sister.” I tease and she laughs.
“Beloved how when you haven’t called me in three days? What’s happening with you? Have you made new friends or even found yourself a boyfriend?” I chuckle.
“Stop being nosy. You know you’re one of the few people I would tell if I were to start dating again. My life is just dull but I recently pissed off some rich couple, so I think that qualifies as some kind of a highlight.”
“Tell me more about the rich couple.” I laugh. She should’ve studied journalism because she loves meddling into people’s businesses and she always know the latest gossip scoop.
“The guy was walking on the wet floor and he accidentally slipped and fell down. He cursed and when he stood up, he insulted me and told me his pants cost him about 12k. Well I didn’t let him off the hook. I also insulted him in Igbo and that drove him mad. I thought I was going to get fired but the supervisor saw that it wasn’t my fault. The 12k guy was with his girlfriend and she also said a few words but I ignored her.” she is laughing her ass off. This stupid sister of mine.
“OMG! That is so entertaining. Gosh, I wish I was there. But only a few months left and I will be joining you soon. Anyways, brother Chiagozie impregnated a girl and his wife nearly burned him alive. I am so glad you are not here to witness all the drama.” This have me laughing until I cry.
“I thought he was past his whoring days.” My big brother used to be a player before he got married. He has 3 children outside his marriage and 2 with his wife. I guess this child is his sixth one. We have experienced two of his crazy baby mamas coming to drop his kids on him and leaving like nothing happened. As a result, mom has took care of those two kids. Luckily the third baby mama is a bit sophisticated. Her family just came to demand damages. She takes care of the child and doesn’t depend on the maintenance. She is a nurse at a clinic. “Did Celine leave though?”
“The family talked her out of this drama but brother is nowhere to be seen. He is really scared of his wife.”
“Or he is busy with the new baby mama.”
“My God, that’s also a possibility. Anyways dad said you should talk to him. Maybe he will listen to you and come back home.” I sigh. I am the middle child with 3 before me and 3 after me but my parents always think I have this superpower that make my siblings listen to me and actually take my advice into consideration. It’s absurd but I agree nonetheless because I don’t wanna be woken up at 3am by dad’s call. That’s when he usually calls and he somehow expects you to be hyper and responsive. African parents.
“What other drama has been happening?” she sighs.
“My boyfriend is getting a bit serious and wants to come pay dowry to the family. I don’t know if he is going to be this keen when he hears my plans about moving to South Africa next year.”
“No man can be happy with his woman moving to another country. Talk to him first before he even starts making plans. Don’t drop the bomb on him later and risk humiliating him.” she groans.
“Thank you but that’s easier said than done. Pass my regards to Mathenji. I love you sisi.”
“Pass my regards to the whole family. I love you more.” she hangs up.
I stand up and stretch my legs a bit. I am so glad I am not in Nigeria right now. I can imagine what Celine is going through. We are not best friends but we don’t have no beef either, so it feels right to check up on her first before talking to the whoring brother. I dial her number but it rings unanswered. I leave a voice note on WhatsApp and then call my brother.
“Chizoba. What’s up?” he answers panting like he is running or something.
“You are jogging at this time of the night?” he chuckles breathlessly.
“I am stressed, so I am trying all methods to reduce my stress.”
“Or you can just go back home and face your problems like a matured husband that you are.” He huffs.
“Not you again. Celine threatened to burn me alive. So excuse me for trying to save my life.”
“But you are causing more harm than good. Right now she probably assumes that you are with your latest baby mama, which I hope isn’t the case because that would mean you are very immature brother.” He sighs loudly and keeps quiet for a few moments. I wait for him to speak. I know I have somehow knocked some sense into his head and he is considering my advice.
“Fine.” He groans. “I will head home tomorrow to face my troubles. When are you visiting home?” he knows I can’t afford to visit him regularly because they always think I am a millionaire. They don’t even buy groceries when I come back and suddenly everyone needs money urgently. So I only go home for Christmas and when there is a big family event or ceremony.
“Maybe I will come when you decide to introduce your ‘new baby’ to the whole family.” I tease.
“Bye Chizoba.” He hangs up leaving me laughing like crazy. Family drama can be stressful but it can also be therapeutic and really funny. I wonder if I know the new baby mama.
I switch off the lights in the kitchen and bathroom, then head to the bedroom. I get under covers and retrieve the novel on my bedside table, Captured by Vikings written by Roxie Noir. It’s a small book but the way the author describes the sexual scene, it makes you wanna slide in a finger inside your cookie while rubbing your clit with your thumb. I am disturbed by my phone beeping three times. Fuck. Can’t a single woman masturbate in peace?
I check the message and it’s the lady from room 107 complaining about the moans and grunts from room 106 in the tenants’ group. What the hell? My moment was disturbed by this bored old white woman who has nothing to do with her life? Also, how is the sexual couple from 106 going to hear the phone because they are always at it every night for hours? Makes me wonder, doesn’t the lady get tired or sore? But it’s none of my business.
‘How about you go knock in their room and remind them about the noise rules?’
I respond to the group and immediately switch off my data which is something I should’ve done in the first place. Now where was I with my book?
YOU ARE READING
The Arrogant Jerk
RomanceChizoba is a Nigerian proud woman who comes to South Africa looking for employment. She doesn't find the desired one but she settles for whatever she can get. Life is not easy as she is discriminated in most jobs which leads her to being unemployed...
