Dépaysement (h.s)

48

TW!! this chapter mentions self harm, it doesn't go into too much detail but it's heavy and I advise anyone who gets triggered by that not to read.

Delilah Lavigne

I'm scared.

The only time I've ever been truly scared was when my father did what he did. Every night, like clockwork, he would come into my room at 10:00pm. My mother was sleeping in their room next to mine and he would open my door that creaked with terror. The horrific creaking sound was the realization of what he was going to do again.

Tour starts in four days. We have a mission in three. Robbing a bank—classic.

After the mission we go to Luca to bring him the money we collect. That's when I'm supposed to snoop. As if it's that easy.

I feel very overwhelmed. I have to stay in touch with Enzo every day and tell him what I'm doing that day and if it consists of meeting with Luca. He doesn't know I'm going on tour with them.

So I have two days to find this ring and report it to Enzo. Harry finding out is my biggest fear. I don't want him to think I'm the enemy but I'm doing this so we can be free. The guys more than me. As long as they get out of this, then I win.

I decided I'd rather snoop than try to get information for Harry or any of the guys. Actively lying to them is not an option.

Guilt eats at you in the worst way possible. It's probably the worst feeling in the world.

Harry and the guys asked me to explain what happened that night and I left Jade to do the talking so I didn't say anything that I shouldn't.

Wanna know who conveniently wasn't there throughout the entire night? Take a guess.

I sort of asked her to leave the part out where Enzo asked us to work with him and that he was apart of the reason we were taken. She understood that I wanted that because I said I didn't want Harry to find him and do something bad. But that clearly wasn't the reason.

So, she said we were taken to an underground bunker and it was pitch black so we never saw who took us. When they asked how we got out she said one of them left it unlocked so we ran.

Pretty believable, right?

After all of it went down and we were finally back home, Jade left with Niall and didn't talk to me or anyone else for three days.

I don't blame her, she was taken because of me. If she wasn't there that night then she wouldn't have been involved.

Apparently the men that Enzo said she lunged at were guards and they were strong. One of them slapped her across the face and their hands were covered in rings so it sliced her on the cheek.

I feel like a burden. Everyone who I come in contact with just gets taken down with me. I've become guarded because of what I've been through but it's not a good thing. I'm hurting Harry just by being with him. I'm hurting Jade just by being friends with her. All the guys have to go through so much just to keep me safe. I hurt Amara.

They were all doing just fine without me, once I came along everything was just—ruined.

The whole world feels like it's crumbling down around me. Filled with all my secrets, trauma, lies, people I've hurt and people who have hurt me. There's so much I keep built up within me that is just waiting to explode.