The Origin of something new (mha ff)

Chapter 46

Kaede lay in Recovery girls infirmary staring at the ceiling. She had made it clear that she didn't want to see anyone until she had spoken to Hawks. She owed him an apology and she couldn't concentrate on anything if she kept thinking about what she had told him. 

"I hate you Hawks, I hate you with every vein in my body, every bone in my limbs and every spark left in me." 

She hadn't felt anything at that moment, she just wanted to hurt him. "I just hurt everyone around me." At that moment she thought she hated him, but she didn't. She was hurt and disappointed, nothing more. Hawks knocked tentatively on the door. "Come in." She sat up. She braced herself for what she was about to say. "I don't hate you. I'm sorry I made you worry again. I'm sorry I broke into your house and didn't trust you. I'm sorry that I again-.... I'm sorry that-" He smothered her apologies in a tight hug. "I don't want to hear you apologise when so many others owe you an apology." He put a hand on her head and hugged her even tighter. "I'm sorry Kaede. I'm sorry I made the wrong decision then." Her tears spilled onto his jacket. "We knew from the beginning that you killed your parents. We never saw you as responsible, you've always been you. You who have to live with the guilt. We knew you would put that responsibility on yourself because you see it as justified in your eyes. But we felt that we wanted to free you from it. We wanted you to grow up without constantly thinking about what you did because you had no control." He sighed. "I wouldn't do it any other way. I would protect you from the truth every single time. I wouldn't lie to you anymore though. When you ask me what happened, I shouldn't have lied, I shouldn't have made excuses. You grew up with a lie, we raised you with a lie. So I can understand if you don't trust me." "I don't want to hear your explanation." He winced, though her voice sounded soft. "I know you did it to protect me." She put her hand on his cheek. "Don't feel guilty. Guilty for what? For trying to protect me? I understand. You and your motives. So please shut up now, you're giving me a headache." She dropped her hand again and remained in the warm embrace. Hawks regarded her silently. She had read his feelings, so there was nothing more he could say. He wished she had said more, though. Because no matter how many times she read his feelings, he would never be able to fully understand hers.

She was on her way to Eri. It was easier to go with a little girl first and then talk to heaps of classmates who would demand an answer. She saw that Izuku was waiting outside Eri's room. "Is everything okay Izuku?" He looked up and his expression brightened. "Yes, I was waiting for you!" Kaede hesitated. She would have liked to avoid something like this. "Why?" He fiddled nervously with his hands until he found the right choice of words. "I wanted to ask you something. Something that's probably none of my business, but I couldn't stop thinking about it." "You're right, whatever you ask is none of your business." Rudely, she sought his gaze. "But I'm tired of making a mystery of it, so ask." "Did your parents die because of your Quirk?" She turned pale. She had expected many questions, but not this one. "I only found out yesterday myself, so how did you find out?" Izuku eyed her. "It was tiny details. For example, that you yourself say your Quirk is dangerous and use it so rarely. A few other things, but Eri also gave me an important clue. She said you are similar. So Eri is here now. We'll take care of her well-being. But what happened to you?" "I... I thought you were asking about my Quirk, not.... Not about my life." "But isn't your Quirk affecting your life?" She looked around the corridor, Izuku saw her glance. "Let's go in here, Eri's not here right now." Without waiting for an answer, he pulled her into the room. "Did you plan this?" "I wanted to make you talk. You're the kind of person who needs a master plan even for that." He moved her onto Eri's bed as if he knew it had once been hers. "So, tell." She had never seen this side of Izuku. A side that let her tell it in peace. He listened and looked at her with wide eyes until she finished. "They treated you like a villain." "Don't we all do what we think is right?" "Why are you still defending them? After all they have done to you?" Izuku winced. Quietly, he muttered. "You defend them because you agree with them, don't you?" He looked into her eyes, but she averted his gaze. "I have killed people Izuku. If I even kill the people who were everything to me, what could I do to the rest of the world?" "You think you are a villain? You think you will kill more people because you have a complicated Quirk? You said you wanted to find your parents' killer and find out why he did it. Good. So you find out it was a little girl who couldn't control her Quirk. She was scared, maybe confused, maybe alone. Do you judge her?" Kaede sighed. "I'm still guilty-" "We're not talking about you, but about the little girl who killed someone with her Quirk. Is she guilty?" She met his gaze. "What do you want to hear? Hell yes, she's guilty." Izuku's gaze softened. "So when you look at Eri, you see her as a guilty murderer? Every time she laughs, you think of her killing? Every time she draws something, you think of her dangerous Quirk?" Kaede froze. "I know you don't. The way you see Eri, everyone who knows about your past sees you too. We don't see you as a villain. We know you are extremely strong, that you have survived all this." Izuku took her hand. "The difference is that we were able to save Eri in time. We were able to save her before she could believe the lies Chisaki told her. Yes, she still thinks about what he told her, but we can heal her. And you? You've been in tartarus so long, you've been told so many times that your Quirk is to be feared and that you are a villain, that you believe it. I don't want you to believe it. We all don't want you to believe it and yet you do. If Eri were in your place, she would help you finally realise that you are more than the mould they try to squeeze you into. We can't generalise about villains. They are made because society fails them. I won't fail you as well as everyone else here." Izuku stared at her, fire in his eyes, his hand raised into a fist while he stuck out his chest and smiled at her in encouragement and affirmation. Shocked by his speech, she had to find her words again. "You are like All might." His eyes sparkled and he tugged on her hand. "What do you mean? What? Me like all might? Not me, I-" He was interrupted by her laughter. After a moment's hesitation, he laughed along with her.

"You know Izuku, I wanted to go to Eri's so I wouldn't have to explain anything to the class. I wanted to avoid all that and ended up here." "Well, for now, you won't have to explain anything to the class. From what I've heard, the interest is more because you outmanoeuvred all of us without a scratch than because we had to catch you in the first place. Katsuki and Mina did the groundwork, so to speak. No one's going to bother you about anything." He took her hands again. The bracelet she always wore jingled as his rough hands brushed over hers. "Let's go join the others."