more than you'll ever know

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request:)

warnings: brief mentions of rape

age: 16

-

Y/N's POV

"Hey, mom," I greet her as I enter the kitchen, where she's currently busy preparing dinner.

"Oh, hey!" she replies, a big smile on her face the moment she sees me, "I'm making steaks for dinner. How do you want yours cooked."

"Hm. Medium rare?"

She nods, "Thought so. Me, too. Sweetheart, would you mind going into my closet and grabbing my grey hoodie for me? I need to go outside to cook these on the grill but it's a little cold."

"Sure," I reply and do as told by going up the stairs and into my mom's room.

Her closet it worse than mine. It's a sea of clothes, it's a miracle that she can even find outfits every day.

Just as I'm searching, I notice a particular floor board creak every time I step on it, which feeds into my curiosity as to why it's loose.

So out of pure inquisitiveness, I kneel down and press slightly on one end of the board so the other comes up.

And then I see what she's clearly trying to hide. Her old diaries.

But why would she be hiding them in the floor? Unless there's something she really doesn't want me to see, which I think is all the more reason to take a peek.

So as quick as I can before she starts wondering where I am, I pull out the first one I see and turn to a page in the middle to start reading.

Although, I wish I hadn't.

-

"I was a product of rape?!" I yell after storming back into the kitchen, lacking mom's hoodie but still holding onto the same journal.

I see her visibly freeze at my words.

"We're not talking about this," she tells me, void of emotion and staying facing opposite me.

"Um, yes we are! I deserve to know more."

"If it was not your experience, butt out," she says sternly, still not looking at me.

I then clear my throat and hold the diary up to my face, "'Today was one of the worst days of my life. I found out I was pregnant due to that man who raped me about four months ago. I hate this baby already, and I hope I miscarry before it's born. Apparently it's too late for me to abort, but I sure as hell want to.'"

Once I've finished, I slam the little book shut and throw it onto the floor, making mom jump slightly.

"You always told me that my father left when you found out! Is that why you tell me you love me every minute of the day? You're trying to convince yourself that you don't hate me?!"

"I don't hate you!" she yells, finally turning to face me, "You're my daughter, I don't care how you were made!"

"But I do! You didn't want me!"

"Of course I didn't fucking want you at the time, Y/N! I was eighteen! I was... I was so scared." Her voice softens nearer the end of her sentence, and I can see her eyes starting to water. "I didn't have a choice about what happened to me. But I had a choice about what I did after you were born. Everyone was telling me to put you up for adoption but I chose to raise you. Doesn't that mean something?"

With a slight not of my head, I break down into tears. Only a couple seconds later, a pair of arms wrap around me and hold me close.

"Y/N, I promise that I love you. I'll love you forever. What happened is in the past and whilst it was one of the worst things that can happen to a human being, life gifted me with you in return. And for that, I will be eternally grateful. So I'm sorry you had to find out this way. But I do love you. More than you'll ever know."

It was painful to learn of what happened to her and what caused me to even be here today, but I really do have the best mom.

"I love you, too."

-

HAS ANYONE WATCHED THE ARISTOCATS BEFORE??

IT WAS MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD AND BARELY ANYONE HAS SEEN IT

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