everyone is leaving

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warnings: very minor mention of self harm

age: 15

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Y/N's POV

I'm beginning to think that it's me who's the problem.

That's what life is telling me, anyway. Everyone I love leaves me. It's probably the unintentional self-sabotage that starts to occur the moment I realize how much I love someone.

I always warn my friends that I'll probably start to distance myself once I realize how well the friendship is going, and it isn't even intentional. I always tell myself that it'll be different this time. 'I love this person so much and I won't let myself ruin it.'

And then without even knowing it, I do ruin it. And they don't deserve that.

My parents gave up on me years ago, perhaps that's where it all started.

Perhaps the instability I receive from my relationship with my parents and siblings is what's reflecting onto the relationships I build with my friends.

I'm sorry. I'm only doing what I know.

If only I were Wanda's daughter, she would have always taken care of me. But she's only a mother figure, not my mother.

I stayed over at her house last night after a particularly nasty fight with the people who are supposed to be my family. I'm going through a rough patch with two of my friends right now and I took it out on the people I live with, because I blame them for all of my issues.

It all starts with your friends leaving you. It's what happened last year. But then everything else follows. Your happiness abandons you along with everyone else. You become too difficult and no one wants to take care of you. Your own insecurity gets in the way and people don't have the time or patience to reassure you that they won't leave you. And then they do leave.

"Y/N?" I'm broken out of my daze by Wanda saying my name. I slowly look up to see her standing at the doorframe, confusion evident in the way her eyebrows are furrowing. "Hey... what's got you lost in your head?"

I shouldn't be bothering her with this. If I do, she'll probably end up leaving, too.

Because that's what's happening.

"Everyone is leaving."

Wanda stays where she is, staring at me in turmoil.

I sigh before furthering my explanation. "Everyone is leaving me. Everyone's sick of dealing with the baggage I come with. And I don't even blame them."

She tries to say her part but she doesn't have the chance before I cut in again.

"When I was deep into my... depression, everything felt oddly comforting. Peaceful, even. And ever since recovery, I feel like more and more bad things are happening to me."

Finally walking over, the witch places herself down next to me and strokes my hair back before bringing me onto her lap and holding me safely in her arms.

"That's because you didn't have a care in the world. You didn't have to, you thought you were done with your life. You were able to just drag a blade across your wrist or your thighs and all the cares just went away. And now you're choosing to take your life somewhere. You're choosing to get better and sometimes that means having to let certain people go to protect your heart."

As much as I appreciate what she's saying, the second part might not be so true. I'm not choosing for this to happen. I don't want it to happen. Yet, it is.

"... I feel like it's happening again, Wands. I don't want it to. I have a lot of big fears but I think one of the most intense ones is falling back into the bad place."

All she does in response is grip onto me even tighter as she rocks us side to side. I can't lose Wanda. Of all people, not Wanda.

"I'm so sorry, Wands. Please don't leave me. I won't burden you anymore, I promise. I just need you. Everyone else can go but I need you. I need you."

"Y/N... I love that you're my daughter but... I'm not real."

Of course. She isn't real. So I guess I really am all alone.

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