Suffering: Part 5

No Way to Treat Our Guest Part 3

They all sat in the living room, in various states of disarray as Y/N ate her dinner at the coffee table. "Thank you," she grinned at Severus as he brought it over for her. "Are you purposely blocking your thoughts from me?" he asked as he sat on the opposite end of the sofa from Lucius.

"I'm not blocking you. Do I look like I have the intellectual prowess to do that right now?" she questioned him with a raised eyebrow. She sat in a wrinkled gray t-shirt she had stolen years ago from Severus, along with a mess of tangled hair and a sleepy expression.

"You hurt Pansie's feelings," Severus told her softly. Y/N raised and lowered her brows with a look of dismissal. "I'm just a stupid little bitch I guess," Y/N remarked as she went back to her food.

"Is she in love with you?" Lucius asked her curiously. "A question only she can answer," Y/N remarked blankly.

"She said you tried to play with her, even though I told you to say good night, Princess. I really don't know what we are going to do with you," Severus replied.

"I don't quite know what to do with myself. I'm starting to wonder if I am a good person after all. I think only of myself," she admitted.

"I'm most likely going to lose my friendship with Draco over this. You need to decide if this is something you wish to continue to do. I deserve to be loved all of the time, not just when the three of us are in bed together. I'm not asking you to take me out in place of your wife and scream my name from rooftops. I just wish to feel comfortable in front of our family and friends," Y/N told Lucius as she looked up from her dinner plate.

"Wait, before you answer that, Lucius. I would love to hear your thoughts," she looked over to Severus before shoving a piece of broccoli into her mouth. "What happened when you got out of bed last night?" Severus asked her curiously.

"I fought off the sleeping potion and went outside, of course. It was a beautiful clear night. It wasn't a winter's night but still beautiful," she smiled. "Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked softly.

"Yes I did. I needed it to be honest. I felt as if I were losing my mind. So many thoughts were circling in my head, each making its own specific noise, eventually it turned to deafening static. I wish I could put my finger on the word for that.

When I hear the static, everything and nothing makes sense. There is no reason or why to any of it. I start visualizing hurting myself with any object I can find. It's a need to feel something real I suppose, as well as my hypersexuality.

I need to be hurt, bleed, hit, fucked, spanked, choked, any of it just to feel something. It's like it wakes me back up somehow. It feels as if swimming back up to the surface and catching a much-needed breath of air.

I really struggled with myself when I realized that's who I was, as if I were judging myself for it. Now I have decided this is the air that my body needs. I cannot tell if I'm terribly complicated or a simpleton at times," she remarked before jamming more food into her mouth.

"Fantastic, isn't she?" Lucius looked over at Severus. "It has taken years to get her to speak like this. I couldn't pull her thoughts out of her for the first year. I told her she would make a fantastic author, if she put her mind to it," Severus smirked in agreement.

"Perhaps I've read so many books that words just pour from my mouth now. You know, if humanity could speak this freely, and openly with everyone. Not just their partners. I do wonder what the world would look like. If no one hid their most private intentions," she remarked.

"People will not see your abilities or gifts, little bird, they will only see who your husband is. I'm sure people already assume you got the teaching position because you fucked your professor. Severus will most likely never be condemned by the public, but you would. Then, add myself into the mix with my less than stellar reputation and current situation. We just need to be careful about all this and take it slowly," Lucius offered softly.