Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 8

Emma

After that night in the bar I finally felt normal. A one night stand always did that for me. Like I had wiped the slate clean with the actions of the night because for a few moments I was actually in the moment, just me and him, whoever he ended up to be, not over thinking life or my actions or past, I was just there numb to the glimmers of darkness that were constantly trying to push their way forward.

In these moments I didn't feel guilty or like I was gonna ruin anything thing because I couldn't. There were no real feelings involved just like I needed it to be, honestly I hadn't felt anything since the night of the incident. After that night it was just easier to be numb when it came to other people than to put myself out there and have my heart shattered into a million pieces...again.

Everything after that night was just clouded with the remnants of who I was, shattered pieces that I was trying to patch together, failing to make myself whole. It wasn't enough that the doctors could fix my wounds and bandaged my bruises. The hurt and guilt I had towards the pain my mother was feeling for the loss of her beloved yet drunken husband would stay with my forever.

So I guess I am trying to pay her back with all this bullshit I do with other random guys. Or maybe I was trying to hide from it, run away from the feelings because I couldn't bear to think of her crouched on the floor, tears running down her face as my father disappeared from our lives.

It is just easier to try and stay numb.

But I could never get my way. I have felt something and recently. Him, I felt him, goosebumps covering my body when Harry's warm callused fingertips rested on my sides our first weekend back.

It is no lie that I feel safe with him and apart from my mum's husband, Steve, he's the only guy I could depend on. There was a part of me that loved Harry, he was like family, I couldn't deny that but I honestly couldn't push it any farther beyond friendship.

I realized that last friday when he left with the redhead and I left with Derek. Sure it didn't mean anything real, just another fun night but it meant that I was trying to squash the growing feelings I had for the curly haired boy with emerald eyes.

It isn't that I am completely dead inside, I care about things, feel emotions. I care about my academics, my work, my friends, and even my mum and Steve all the way in Ireland. But I have learned that whenever I put my heart into things everything just ends in shattered glass and someone being carted to the ER on a stretcher in the end so staying numb when the heart is involved is preferred. So I can't just drag Harry into that dark part of my life.

After my wild night with Derek my life was finally back to normal. Classes were the usual. Harry is actually in two of my five classes so I am having to pay attention for the both of us seeing as Harry, the smug naturally gifted boy he was, didn't think he needed to pay attention and rather found annoying me during class more noteworthy.

This kind of annoyance wasn't anything new of course. We tease each other any chance we get. Whether if it's our choice of a warm body at the end of a night out or looking shit and hungover in the morning, we were ruthless but at the end of the day he was always the guy to make sure I got home ok and I was always the girl who made sure he actually finished his assignments and let him cheat off me, not that he ever needed it, he just liked to piss me off because he knows I get nervous but can never really say no to him.

Tonight I am flying solo. I told Lina and Henry they could have the night to themselves at his place. This being said I can't just run this whole shindig on my own so I bribed Harry to chaperone, for lack of a better word, with me, dangling his favorite beer in his face.

So that brings us to tonight, the night of the welcome party and it is in full swing. First years talking, drinking, dancing, and making out. They all seemed to be having a good time, the music was loud and their cups were filled, what more could I ask for?

It is late at this point, pushing 2am but people didn't seem to be trickling out of the house as I would have liked by this point. These kids must be made of different stuff, I'm just exhausted. I need another drink. This party is getting a little out of control I can't deal without another.

Heading toward the kitchen to grab another drink things seem to be eerily quiet for a moment until I get close now hear a few shrieks and a sudden commotion ahead of me. Dreading it but needing to investigate I take another step forward but before I can make it any farther a bodiless hand grabs my forearm and pulls me into the completely oversized pantry.

Before I can truly comprehend the movements of the moment I'm pushed against the wall, flushed against someone else's body, a hand covering my mouth yielding my yelp of surprise inaudible.

Staying there for a few moments I try to get my eyes to adjust faster but to no avail. Slowly I can see in the dark room I see him smiling down at me, still remarkable close to me.

"Shhhh, you do not want to go in there" I finally relax and he moves his hand.

"Why not?" I whisper, noticing how his body is still pushed up against mine and the extremely close proximity of his lips to mine.

What is happening? I haven't had a flutter in the pit of my stomach all week, not even when he spoke to me in french during class, which always gets me, nothing.

No I am passed this, I tell myself, I have to be. But now, feeling his warm minty breath against my cheek, his hands pushing my hips against the wall, his big emerald eyes staring down at me with a wide grin on his face, I feel it again, the wall I try to keep up so badly being torn down brick by brick.

I want him, I am feeling things for the tall Brit in front of me but I can't, this reaction has to be the slight buzz I have, right? I question myself. After all he's my best friend, someone I cannot lose.

But then again I'm here in this dark room and his body is against mine and my knees feel weak. I'm sure in this moment if he wasn't holding on to me I would find it hard to hold my ground. I have this fire inside me for him and he's just here pouring gasoline all over it, with his wide smile, adorably cute dimples, bright green eyes, and perfect plump lips.

I wonder how they would feel on mine, probably devine I'm sure.

I am pulled from my thoughts once again and the fact that I have been staring at his lips, God I hope he can't really see in this light, by his soft forceful accent and a nudge in my hips.

"A first year who can't handle their liquor" as he nods his head toward the kitchen. Not again I think to myself, unaware that I have rolled my eyes but he notices.

"You're hating this aren't you?" Moving a stray hair behind my ear. This is too much. Even the lightest touch and I feel like melting into the floor, goosebumps springing up over every inch of my skin.

"How'd you know?" I sarcastically tell him grinning and staring into his emerald eyes. It feels like forever, just looking at each other and then it happens, a shift, the slightest move of his head to the side, his eyes on my lips now, Jesus he definitely saw me ogling him a few moments before. He's gonna kiss me and I think I want him too.

Then right on cue an earth shattering crash shakes the entire place, making me jump out of my skin and his hands. Without even thinking I'm out the door away from the little bubble we had made ourselves and towards the mess outside. 

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A/N: Next chapter to come shortly but hope you found this chapter good, starting to bring in sexual tension, big things to come with these two, lots of drama. 

Vote/comment/share please!

All the love and happy spring. C