Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 23

Good Goes the Bye - Kelly Clarkson

Emma

Harry started pacing the moment Lina and Henry vacated my room. I honestly can't believe that she's done this. Yes it would be easy to just walk out of here but I'm trying to be better, even if it's just standing still watching Harry push his hands through his hair trying to figure out what to say next.

"I don't know what to say." I say timidly sitting on the edge of my bed as Harry continues to pace only now moving his hands from his hair to rub behind his neck.

"You know just saying that is saying something, right?"

"Don't be smart with me, Haz."

"Em I told you not to call me that" looking at me briefly before turning away.

"Fine, but I don't know what you want to hear."

"Why?"

"What what?"

"You know what Em."

Of course I know what he's asking me. His strained and desperate voice is revealing enough. He wants to know why I have been sleeping around but my reasons sound so feeble. And anyway, he's been doing the same things. I want to argue this point with him but he cuts through the silence first.

"Don't you think going from guy to guy is a bit much at this point?" He asks me, stealing by my window but avoiding eye contact.

"What do you mean by 'much' Harry?" Adding air quotes with my disgusted expression. I know exactly what he was getting at but he was too timid to admit it. He can't get away with this, he's just as bad as I am.

"Say it" I press "I know you want too" giving him a stern look.

"Emma come on I wasn't-" he's trying to dig himself out of this hole but I definitely will not let him.

"No I want you to say it! You think I'm acting like a slut!" And there it is. He might not be man enough to say it but I was certainly not gonna hide from such a word. It isn't true, I just do what the guys do. Such a double standard. Of course I knew most guys hold this opinion but jeez, I never thought Harry would stoop so low.

The anger inside me was building to an atomic level. What right did he have to think that of me? I had never used him. I played the role of wing woman on more than a few occasions and he had the gall to accuse me of being a slut.

If he should be insinuating such a thing he should be directing it to all the girls he takes back to his room. No disrespect to those girls of course, I just can't understand why Harry doesn't see how we are the same.

This was all too much! I had never been so furious at him. He was the one who left. He was the one who didn't even try to keep in contact with me after he left. It was his fault, I was left alone with no one all those years ago and now that we had rekindled the friendship he thought he could treat me like this? No way.

"How come when you sleep with girl after girl you're rewarded as a player but when I do the same exact thing you call me a slut?" I yell in his face.

"I called you that" still refusing to let the words slip through his lips.

"Come on, just admit it" I push.

"That's not what I was saying, stop putting words in my mouth Em. I just though-" trying to defend himself.

"No Harry, I expect and answer! Why now?" I yell back.

"After that night I thought-" he says eyes blazing into mine for the first time since we entered my bedroom. So that's what he was annoyed with, that I got close to him and didn't succumb to all the charms that worked on everyone else. Of course I want to just fold and let him wrap his arms around me in comfort but I can't, I won't. I'm too broken.