Intent [Wattys 2017]

Chapter 97

Emma

Everything is still, completely still.

I think I'm paralyzed by shock. Totally and completely numb...

Is it possible for someone to go into instant shock like this? To feel as if every nerve has just died, ceasing to exist.

That's how I feel, my eyes permanently glued to the back of Harry's head. Harry's perfect head of short, chestnut curls.

No, no, no.

"Harry wait." I rush to him, not allowing this to be the end.

"What?" He snaps at me.

When I catch up to him I can't find the words so I shake my head at him. "I... um..."

"Yes Emma?" My full name spiking from his lips like taggers to my heart.

It's Em, you call me Em. I think to myself as our relationship continues to disintegrate before me.

"Harry" I whisper, biting my lip and looking down at my fingers as they twist together.

Why can't I think of anything to say? Just tell him damn it!

"In what way could you possibly make this better?" He says, his voice just as desperate as I feel "Because in my mind there is only one thing."

I take a deep breath, grab his hand, and with a sudden surge of confidence and pull him toward me and toward Liam's apartment. "Harry stop being an arse and just come with me." The fact that we are so close completely lost on him.

"I promise we'll be okay" I continue to explain. "Give me an hour and everything will be alright."

There is clear hurt laced on every inch of his perfectly formed face. The green in his eyes that's normally so bright and full of hope growing impossibly dull as we stare at each other. "Please, just a little more time."

He closes his eyes, bowing his head in ultimate defeat.

No this can't be it.

"Harry?" I question, terrified of what he's about to say.

"I love you so much" Harry starts, his voice impossibly low and smoldering. Hope raises up through my entire body as I hold his hand and feel my heart stop in my chest waiting for him to continue.

"I..." I doesn't dare to look up at me as he stares down at our hands but don't take my eyes off him. My heart falls as I feel his hand slip from my grip. "I don't have anymore time to give you."

No... no, no.

"No... no, no. Pl–please Harry don't leav..." I stutter but he doesn't let me finish.

"Emma please just stop" his voice suddenly filled with anger and disdain for my very presence, his eyes blazing at mine.

"I don't know why I expected you to say anything. That makes me the fucking fool doesn't it? The fucking lovesick fool hopelessly in love with a girl who could never just let go and be with him." He spits at me. "It's my fault if you think about it" pushing his fingers through his hair and a hopeless smile expanding on his lips. "You warned me, remember? You said this would never work, I was the idiot who didn't believe you." Harry's words fall from his lips so easily, full of remorse and defeat.

Each one of his words rip through me like a knife but they only hurt because he's right, 100% right.

I try, try to say the words but they don't come. "I know I'm difficult and emotionally stunted and you deserve so much better but I don't feel that way anymore." I begin to beg him, clutching into his jacket as he begins to pull away. "I want you, plea–"