Our Little Secret (Robert Downey Jr)

Emotions.

Once I got back to filming, the cast could tell I wasn't the same. I was not okay. But I had to be professional and do my job.

I was relieved when filming was over. I was tired of people asking me about Noel, or giving me advice. I have been through plenty of breakups before, but this one was different. It's not like I didn't try. I called her so many times. I tried to find out where she lived. Nothing. She eventually changed her number too. She really didn't want deal with me at all. I missed her birthday, and she missed mine. On those days I laid there depressed with a huge bottle of booze. I don't blame her for being pissed. I'm pissed at myself too. But I wanted so badly to fix things with her.

I came back to L.A and everything wasn't the same. The house was empty. Her side of the bed which was once warm from her body was ice cold. Exton started talking more not to long ago. He asks me where his Noie is, and I have to keep telling him she's busy. He always wants to know when she is coming back because he misses her. I can't tell you how many restless nights I've had. I even went back to drinking, which is a stupid move but right now I don't care.

We had a wrap party for the film about a week ago. I got a little crazy with the drinking. I ended up taking home some girl that worked in the makeup department, I don't know her name. I made out with her, but I couldn't go any further than that. She ended up leaving and probably having a ménage à trois with some of the crew. No offense to her, but she was the biggest whore that worked on this movie. Well thats what went around anyway. I guess it wasn't just sex to me anymore. It was making love. And I could only do that with one person, Noel.

Till this day I don't know why I cheated on Noel. I swear that wasn't me. I wasn't thinking. But now, I f*cked everything up. I just miss my love, and I want her back.

Krista tried to get ahold of me recently too, even though I told her to never speak to me again. I swear there is something wrong with her. When i first met her I would have never thought she was this crazy. She thinks that we are perfect together. What kind of friend does that? A sh*tty one like her. I filed a restraining order against that crazy b*tch, so at least I don't have to worry about her stalking me. I was thinking to myself about all this when I reliezed I had Exton. Wow some Dad forgetting about his own kid because he was too busy thinking about a breakup that was his own fault.

"Dada, pway wiff me!" Exton said toddling over to the couch where I was laying on like a potato.

"Exton, daddy is tired." I picked up one of his toys and put it in his hands.
"Here, go play."

He got mad and threw the toy to the ground. "No! Want you!" he yelled in his baby voice and started crying.

"Exton! Daddy is tired! Do you want a spanking?!" I yelled at him. I guess I looked like a monster in his eyes. His face got red and he cried even more.

That made me feel bad that I was taking my anger out on him.

I picked him up and he tried pushing me away. "I want my ma ma!" He cried.

That made me feel even more worthless. I don't want my kid to hate me.

I was rocking him back and forth, shushing him.

"Shhh shhh. It's okay, daddy is sorry. I'm sorry." I said in a low comforting voice putting my forehead to his, trying to hold back my tears. I don't like making anyone cry, especially someone I love.

He finally stopped crying and looked up at me with his sparkly little eyes.
He kissed me on the cheek and pulled me in for a hug. "It's otay dada."
He could tell I was crying. We both sat there hugging each other. I didn't have anyone else but my little baby boy, I should at least be thankful I have him. I sat him down on the floor and got his toys and played with him until he fell asleep. I put him to bed and went back to being a potato on the couch and put my head in a pillow.

I really need to keep my mind off Noel. I know I'll never get her back. She probably already found someone better than me. I just wish I could see her one more time and explain my feelings to her. God why do we have to have emotions? Because mine are slowly but surely making me go insane and take my anger out on everyone else. I got my phone and put my headphones in, listening to sad love songs and looking through my photos of her again, crying like the p*ssy I am. I f*cked up. I f*cked up big time.

---------------------------------------------

Authors notes!! Please read!!!
Okay, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was thinking and I have new Ideas for a new story! I won't be abandoning this one, unless of course you guys want me too. Anyways the new story would be a RDJ fanfic, but he would be a tutor. I know there is a lot of student/teacher type stories, so I am a little iffy about making my own. There are a lot of them out there, and I don't want people to think I was stealing anyone's work. Do you think I should go for it and write it? Will you read it? Would you want it? Please let me know in the comments about that and also feedback on this story as well. I love you guys! P.S ----> For fun There is a picture on the side of my baby Tony Stark's suits when I went to his Malibu mansion. ;) lol jk it was at Disneyland.