Spencer Reid One Shots

Wreckage - The Morning After

Spencer liked it best when she was sleeping. Simply because he knew she felt less pain when she was dreaming. Occasionally he would lie and just watch her, seeing her beautiful face relaxed and not contorted with the agony that her disease was bringing her. The disease that was killing her, the disease that had consumed four out of their five years together.

Spencer wanted more time with her, in fact he wanted to just stop time to give science chance to find the cure that would rid her of the monster that was eating away at her. But he knew that he wouldn't get that time, not unless a miracle happened. The doctor's had confirmed it, a conversation that had broken his heart into tiny piece's. She though, she had been surprisingly calm about it. It was almost as if she accepted her fate, something that he couldn't do. He wanted her to fight, there were other therapies they could try, alterative options that could buy her more time, buy them more time together. But she was tired of it all. Tired of being prodded with needles everyday, tired of having chemicals flushed through her bloodstream. And it was her body so as much as he hated it, he had to accept what she wanted. They would spend her time together at home and not in hospitals constantly. They could enjoy their time together pretending that she wasn't ill.

Like they had last night.

Last night they eaten his favourite meal and enjoyed each other, spending the night in each other's arm and tenderly making love; something she'd struggled to be able to do for months. It had been glorious, a perfect evening together.

He rolled over in bed, intent on snuggling up with her and waking her up with kisses. Maybe today they go out. Not far, just maybe to the park. She liked it there. Spencer reached his hand out and stroked up and down her arm. She didn't stir the way she would normally so he scooted closer, moving her hair to one side and placing his lips to the side of her neck.

It was then he felt it, how cold her skin was. He nudged her, gently at first and then more roughly as panic set in. Throwing the covers off completely he gripped her shoulders, pulling her from her side and onto her back, calling out her name as he did.

Nothing. There was no movement from her at all. No slow rise and fall of her chest, no soft snuffles escaping her lips. Her skin was paler and she looked different somehow, as if she wasn't her anymore. And then it hit him. She wasn't her anymore because she was no longer there. The beautiful soul that had occupied that broken body was gone.

Spencer swallowed deeply a few times before the sobs broke free and he clung to her, wrapping his arms around the lifeless body that was at his side. He thought they had longer together, thought they had at least a few more months. He thought he'd get to say goodbye.

Through the river of tears he saw it then. The envelope on her side of the bed, his name scrawled across it. And then the realisation. She had said goodbye last night. There was a reason last night had been so perfect, because she'd made it so knowing what was going to happen. Anger coursed through his veins and he let go, quickly climbing out of bed and pacing the room. He didn't want to read the letter, didn't want to know what it said.

All he wanted was her.

And she'd taken herself away from him without giving him chance to say goodbye. She was his everything, his all. And she hadn't let him say goodbye.

He walked up and down, not wanting to look at her but not being able to look at anything else. What was he going to do now?

In a moment of sheer compulsion he walked to his closet and entered the six digit number into his safe. Pulling out his gun he quickly loaded it and placed the barrel into his mouth, his finger on the trigger. As soon as he tasted the cool metal he recoiled, knowing he couldn't do it that. He let the gun fall to the floor and reached for his cell phone, dialing the only person he could think of right now.

"JJ.... Oh JJ, I need you. Please.... " he sobbed out, his words choked and barely audible to her.

"Please come."

He didn't even wait for her to answer, letting the cell leave his hand too and join his weapon on the floor where he followed a few seconds after.

He curled into the fetal position and wept.