Family of Hamilton-ON HIATUS

London Diary

Dear Diary:

What a year of emotion this has been, I can't even begin to describe it. As I sit here on the eve of 2017 I reflect back on all that has happened. I cannot believe I survived to see another year with the shooting and everything else. I never plan to take another day for granted, that is my motto for 2017. When I get back to London in just a few short days I plan to move forward in getting to know my daughter and seeing in what direction I need to take all of this. Thanks for another great year Diary and I will write with you in 2017.

Dear Diary:

DAMN!!! That was an intense way to begin 2017 but I am glad that everything turned out alright. I was worried for a bit when we hadn't heard from some of our Hamilton family but everyone is good. That snowstorm was no joke though, we were snowed in and missed our flight back to London. Luckily the bosses allowed Papi a few extra days to get back to London. I also got my confirmation that I would be attending the San Francisco Hamilton premiere during the snowstorm. I texted Solea right away and she cannot wait to see me again. I asked her how rehearsals were going and she just laughed. I took that as a good sign. Oh well Diary I am off to bed, next time I write we'll be back in London.

Dear Diary:

Wow it's been a few weeks since my last entry but once we got back to London things went a little haywire. We're all settled back into a routine now and I can tell you all about it. You see when we got back the flat that we had been renting was flooded. All the stuff we had left there got damaged and we had to replace most everything. Then on top of that Sebastian and I both got sick with sinus infections which was sucky. That also pushed back my meeting with Ryan an extra week which made me really upset. Then to top it all off Skye and I had end of term exams to take for our home school classes. Thankfully we both passed but ugh was it such a pain to do. Oh well now on to the best part of what happened since I last wrote. In just 2 short days I will get to meet Ryan officially and spend time with her. Not just a quick random encounter but a full day out at the London Zoo. I am super excited that Mami is being allowed to go with us along with Skye and Sebastian.

Dear Diary:

Well I just got off the phone with Ryan's parents, we actually had a rather civil conversation for once. I won't go into great detail for now but it seems that we are both finally on board to making this work. I think the letter I wrote them during the holidays realy helped them understand where I was coming from and what I hoped would happen. Here it is:

Dear Ryan's foster parents:

Thank you for taking such great care of my daughter, I am grateful that she has such wonderful people looking after her. As we move into a new year I wanted to share with you something I spoke in length with my dad about. I hope it gives you a better picture of who I am and what I really want from getting to know Ryan better.

You see I realized over the course of Christmas break that maybe I am not meant to have Ryan full time. Maybe I'm not even ready for the responsibilities that come along with raising a child full time. Does that mean I love her any less and that I take my responsibilities so lightly, no it doesn't. It just means that I realize that I was going at this whole thing the wrong way.

What I really want for Ryan is probably the same thing you guys want, her to be happy. I never want to do something that would be detrimental to her in the long run. With that said I hope you both will understand what I say next is very hard.

I want to get to know Ryan first as a child, not as my daughter. When we formally introduce me to her, I'll let you guys take the lead. I want this to be on her terms, not mine. I want her to get to know me in whatever way she chooses. Please know that no matter what you are the parents here not me, so whatever you say goes.

With that I say thank you again for taking such great care of Ryan. Thank you for allowing me to get to know her.

With sincere regards,

Dania Miranda