Loving Brian | B.C

Part 2: daniel

Daniel is my boyfriend.

We talked about what will happen to us after graduation, but we never really got into deep conversations about what exactly we want to do. I mentioned the fact that I don't want to study in Albuquerque, but I don't think it ever deeply sunk in to him that I want to move away.

After I called him up to come over, I contemplated where or not to tell him now or later. But if I tell him later it'll just cause more disruption between us then it will now.
But how do I tell him?

We've been together for almost an entire year, and even though the future is still a long way ahead of us, I can really see myself with him for much longer than the short period of time we were together. Maybe not my entire life.. but I hope, and I pray that this news will not pull us apart earlier that what I expect.

-

It wasn't long at all after the call when Daniel showed up at my house. "Tahnée! It's for you!" My mother yelled from downstairs right after I heard her opening the door for Daniel to come in.

I smiled, quickly pulling my last sock on my foot before literally running down the stairs, jumping up in his arms and wrapping my legs around his torso.
"Well it's good to see you too baby." He chuckled in my neck as I held on to him.

Being in his embrace is one capture that I won't ever want to escape from. I know it may sound so cheesy but when I'm with him, or we just waste time together it feels like a safe environment. Nobody and nothing can come close to us and break the peacefulness that lies between the spaces of us.

He walked up the stairs to my room, sitting down at the edge of my bed but never letting go of me. "I missed you."
"I missed you too darling." He whispered in my ear, pecking my cheek before pulling away the slightest bit. Locking his eyes on mine and I flowed in to the peaceful silence captured between us.
Cupping my hand around his cheek and softly caressing his skin. Feeling the little stubble growing back on his chin and tracing the outline of his lips with the tip of my thumb.
Love for him can't be described.
But yet I never told him.

The words 'i love you' carry too much meaning. I never said it to anyone other than family and friends I knew ever since diaper-days.
It makes or breaks a situation. And those three words, in their smallest simplicity, can either make you want to live, or make you want to die.

He spoke the words once, but after sharing my meaning, he didn't say it again. Sometimes whispers it, thinking I might not hear him, but most of the time I did. Then I just hold him closer, give him a kiss or stay still. Although we both, deep down in our hearts, love each other endlessly... saying those words, I feel, creates a barrier or a layer of pressure to be more true.
When we can just be ourselves.

But enough talking about my relationship with him. He's the best boyfriend ever and I got hella lucky to have him in my life. I think...
He's a part of not only my daily routine, but a part of me.

He quickly leaned forward, pecking my lips before grasping me in his arms and falling backwards on to the bed, all the way pulling me with him.

"How was your day?" He whispered, brushing his fingers through my hair and caressing my cheek. I stared in to his eyes.
"It was great so far, yours?"
"Amazing, now that I'm with you."
He pecked the tip of my nose, making me giggle.

It's good if you can just stay in silence with a person, and not feeing that it's awkward or uncomfortable. That's one thing about Daniel and I, we can stay in silence for hours and hours. Just looking at each other or just laying down next to each other. Eiether way, we don't have to say a word or communicate in any form, for our bodies talk and our eyes sometimes even say what we're to afraid to speak aloud.
Our heartbeat forms a sync rhythm and creates a melody that I love so deeply.

-

"Daniel! Stop, I'm serious!" I slapped his hands away as he again and again tries to tickle me. I finally got ahold of them and sat down on his lap to keep him pinned down. Stradling him I intertwined my hands with his above his head.
Seeing the big smile on his face. His eyes sparkling with admiration and love.

"Wait," he loosened his hands from my grip and I climbed off his abdomen and sitting down next to him. "What's wrong?" "Nothing is wrong love, I just remembered that you invited me over to talk. We haven't yet got to that." He laughed, tucking a loose strand of hair in behind my ear.
The pressure is on.
Now I have to tell him.

"So what is it?"
I sensed a bit of fear and concern coming from his side, and to be honest, I think my sadness and fear also radiated on to him.
"Babe. I can see your eyes are sad. What's wrong?" He scooted even closer, throwing my one leg over his as he took my hands in his.

It's always the scary part, of telling a loved one that you'll be leaving. But not only for days or weeks, nor months. But years. Not even leaving and still being in the same range or just a small period of time away.
No.
This is telling my loved one that I'll not even be in the same country as him, telling him that I'll be away for a few years with studying... and having him thinking that this is the end of us.

"I uh-"
"You're moving." He sighed.
"What! How did you know?"
"Common Tahnée, you told me about your plans for after school. It's nothing new. At least I'll still get to see you, cause I know you're not going far." He kissed my cheek, smiling at me with proudness.
Now for me, to pop his bubble.

"Uhm... that's just the thing." I started, standing up and pacing around my room. At times I glanced over to him, only seeing his eyebrows furrowing more and more together. "Wait, you'll be moving away away?" He stood up. "Yes." I blurted out, not being able to keep it in any longer.

"Just how far is... away?"
"Canada?" I said more like a question, seeing his eyes popping out of his head and his jaw falling to the ground.
"Tahnée!" He exclaimed my name and I walked closer to him. "I know it sounds bad but you know how much this means to me."
"Not bad? It's thousands of miles away from home, away from me. How could you not have tell me about this?" I immediately sat down on his lap when he sat down on my bed, runnig his hands through his hair. "I mentioned Canada before you know, when we talked about what we'll do and what will happen to us after graduation." "Yeah but I never thought you were serious."
"I'm sorry Daniel, and I only found that out today when I talked to my dad about it. Please don't hate me."

He cupped my cheeks, kissing my forehead before resting his head on my shoulder. "I don't hate you." He said softly, barely a whisper.
When Daniel goes this silent I know he's heartbroken.
"I hate to leave you, but this is what I want to do." "I get that, and I want you to be happy. I won't hold you back from doing what you love. Just promise me you won't at all, leave me."
"I promise you." I gave him a deep kiss on the lips.

At least he understands and supports me, no matter how hard it will get or may be. We can do this.

I hope.