Loving Brian | B.C

Part 38: i wonder

//brian//

My heartbeat was so loud, in the silence of the room you could hear it pounding. I'm not uncomfortable with the situation, I just, because of my deeper admiration, love and care for her, it's hard to contain myself and not hold her or touch her.

Caress her skin or feel her arms wrapping around me. I want to look at her as she falls asleep and feel the peacefulness of he— my thoughts got cut off when I felt her turning around again.

She moved closer, her warmth felt on my bare back and suddenly I felt insecure and embarrassed for sleeing without a shirt. Shit.
"Brian." Her whisper came through again and I smiled, turning to look at her. "Yes?" I whispered back but she didn't say anything. She just scoothed closer and closed her eyes again. She almost cuddled up, putting her head under my chin.

I could feel she was cold.
Maybe that is why she's closer now. She's cold.

"What can I do? To get you warm." I asked, hearing the tremble of my own voice in my throat and seeing her smile as she hears it too. She must like it. The deep, base of my voice as I spoke. "Anything. But as long as you're close I'm okay." I smiled, wrapping my arm around her.

She must be use to this, I reckon this is what she does when she goes to her friend Micheal too.
And I bet he holds her too. How can you not?

I wonder if they ever kissed. I wonder if she ever grew deep emotions for him, after knowing him for so long. That he years and moments they spent together awoke a spark within her but she's too afraid to let it shine. I wonder if she feels anything for me.

How does she feel now that I hold her? Is it different to her? A good different? Or do I make her wish back to where she sees herself in Micheal's arms?

"Goodnight." She whispered and I felt her eyelashes making small butterflies on my skin as she closed her eyes. Drifting off to sleep.

-

I felt the cold of the morning against my bare chest, but it was cut out by the warmth against my back. My eyes slowly fluttered open and I turned around to see Tahnée still fast asleep beside me. Her arm wrapped around me just after I turned to her, and I felt her warmth even more as she moved even closer.

Now, in the daylight, I'm more ashamed about being shirtless. And I need to get up to go to the bathroom.
"Tahnée..." I lightly shook her to make het wake up or just let go. "Hey I need to go pee." She groaned in response, only moving closer. "No Brian. Just a few more minutes." She hid her face in the pillow.

I thought she'll think I'm Micheal, that maybe she'll not know or just forget for that moment that she's in my arms and not in Micheal's. But she didn't.
"Tahnée." I chuckled and she pushed herself up from the mattress, a sweet, cheeky little smile on her lips as a lock curls fell down to her forehead. I brushed it away, sitting up but pulling the blanket up to my shoulders to hide my chest.

"Fine." She said tiredley, taking my pillow and cuddling up to it instead as she turned over. I quickly reached for my shirt and pulled it over my head at top speed. I shook my head as I stood up, letting out a small sigh. I feel so stupid for how I act and react when I'm around her.

I walked to the bathroom and just stood over the sink. "Pull it together Brian. She's your friend. She's just a friend." I said to myself, softly but surely. I did my business and walked out again, finding Tahnée still fast asleep on the mattress.

"I need to head home." I said as I sat town next to her, she rolled over, looking at me with her tired eyes. "Do you?" "I need to." I smiled as I too saw her smiling. She reached her hand out to me and I took it in mine.
"Goodbye then." She slurred tiredly. "Bye Tahnée, thank you for last nigh." She smiled again, "No. Thank you." I kissed the top of her hand.

I gathered my things, saying goodbye one more time before leaving her apartment and making my way down to my car still standing on the side of the road.
The cold wind blowing harshly again, just like yesterday. But luckily today I can just stay home.

Most of the shops are closed and some restaurants are open for longer hours because of the weather and people seeking warmth. I'll be enjoying that in the comfort of my own home. I wish I had someone with me but I don't want Tahnée to feel forced or irritated that I want to hang out with her all the time.

We can both do good with some space and separation from time to time, making the next visit more exciting because then we'll have more to talk about.

-

Just as I arrived at my place, I got a call from Shawn. "Hey." My voice broke for a moment because of the cold and I heard him chucking a 'hello' to me.
"Where were you last night. I tried calling you but you never answered." I checked my calling log and saw three missed calls from Shawn.

"What are you up to today?" I asked, feeling the excitement inside me to tell him about my magnificent night with Tahnée. "Uhmmm..." his voice sounded distant, and he probably checked his calendar on his phone before bringing the earpiece back up to his ear. Giving me a response. "Nothing. I thought I had to go to the studio but that's next Saturday."
"Great."
"Why?" He stretched out the 'y'.
"My place. Now."
He just said okay before hanging up. He was probably already in his car or on his way here because it wasn't long after when he pulled up in the driveway of my condominium.

"Do I have a story for you Mr. Mendes."
I said as I let him in, closingbyhe door behind me and I saw the anticipation inside him.
He wants to know.
Almost making it look like he needs to know.