Loving Brian | B.C

Part 24: comparing

//tahnée//

I slept in this morning, not needing to be in a rush of getting to work or to go out and do anything that important. Later on today is the party with Brian, Shawn and Matt.
I hope all goes well and that on the highlight of the night I won't need to call a cab to take me home.
I highly doubt that will happen, but then again, I'm not one for parties.
Actually.

I was rolling around in bed still. My eyes closed and deep in dreams before being awake by the buzzing sound of someone at the door. "Ugh!" I groaned, rolling out of bed and crawling to my desk chair to grab my jacket. It's a bit colder this morning, but that might just be because of Autumn coming this way.

The seasons are so different.
But winter is always my favorite time of the year. Most favorite.

"Who is it?" I groaned again as I then peeked through the hole in the door, but all I saw was a ginger blob and Shawn. I opened the door, slowly peeking out from behind.
"Hello?"
"Tahnée." Shawn smiled big as he made eye contact with me. Brian eventually turned around and looked me in the eye, his cheeks already glowing red and his body language is telling me that he's shy.

"It's 10am... may I ask why I need this disturbance at this time of the morning?" He laughed, smiling over to me, "Exactly. It's 10am and I wanted to hear if you'd like to help us shop for decorations for the party. I believe you have a good touch in these things."
I looked around my apartment, seeing that it looks clean so they can come in and wait whilst I get ready. "I uhm.. okay. I'll come with you guys. But do you want to come in?" I hesitated to ask because I'm still in my pajamas.
And the way I expected it'll be, of course they said yes.

I sighed, feeling a bit embarrassed as I opened the door wider and they walked in. "Oh okay, wow. Were you still in bed?" Shawn asked as I wrapped my jacket tightly around me. Already feeling as if I'm exposing a bit too much skin in my silky pink pajamas.
Brian looked away, making his way over to the couch and sitting down. "Yes, all have you know this was my day off so yeah. I was still in bed." I laughed, turning around and making my way back to my room to get ready.

"Make yourself at home, I'll be right back. Coffee is in the cabinet and oh, there's some cake and muffins in the refrigerator." I smiled before closing the door, running my hands through my hair and then rushing to get ready.

This is so weird for me.
I never knew they were that close to me already, wanting to take me out for decoration shopping, inviting me over to a party, being this nice... I think I finally made some friends.
I just hope the feelings about me towards them are the same as theirs towards me. That they see me as a friend too and not just another person they need to accommodate.

An intruder in their daily lives.

-

//brian//

I didn't want to look at her when I already knew she was a bit shy and embarrassed. Because I knew all to well that if I looked I wouldn't get to take my eyes off her, probably making her even more uncomfortable than what she already was.

"God. She's one beautiful girl." Shawn said in awe after she disappeared in to her room to get ready. "I know right." I stated, not hiding the fact that she's beautiful because let's face it... She's drop dead gorgeous.

"Hey, what's all this?" He stood up, walking over to the kitchen counter and opened the already half opened cookie tin. "Bri... These are all your notes." He laughed softly, and I stood up to see what he's talking about.

It was all the notes I wrote her with the flowers, kept in the tin. "She kept them?" I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed together as he smirked down at me.
"If I don't have it wrong she has an eye on you too dude."
"Don't get my hopes up." I shrugged it off and walked back to the couch, sitting down and taking a long look out of the view she has.

I know she'll probably go for Shawn if she doesn't already have a boyfriend back home. He's way more attractive and he has the personality. I mean, he for one can actually talk to her in a conversation without stumbling over his own words or making a complete fool of himself. I'm nothing against him, but as I said.... with a paining heart, if I even just get to call her my best friend or have her as a friend, that'll be more than enough.

"Okay. I'm ready to go." She smiled as she came walking out of her room, flipping her hair over her shoudler and grabbing her bag by the kitchen counter. I just looked at her, and I saw Shawn in the rare view corner of my eye doing exactly the same.
Her smile faded for a moment, looking at us with concern.

"What? What's wrong? Is something wrong?" She asked with big eyes. "No, nothing is wrong it's just-" Shawn cut himself off, looking back to me over his shoulder, "You look beautiful." He finished his sentence and I saw her cheeks burning red.

The effects.

"Thank you." She said shyly as she looked down at the floor, tucking a silly strand of hair in behind her ear as she did. She looked back up and her eyes immediately locked on his, before traveling over to me.

"Shall we go?" He clapped his hands together with his killer smile plastered on his face. I nodded, letting her walk out first before Shawn and I walked out.
She locked the door and we all made our way down to his car and drove off to the shops, in search for things for his party.

The conversations between them were flowing like a river. With ease and no trouble. "Brian." I heard her saying my name and I looked up to her sitting in the front seat. She turned to look at me and the most beautiful smile was playing on her lips.

She kills me.

"What about you?"
"What? Sorry I wasn't really following the conversation..." I said shyly, seeing Shawn looking at me with his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

She laughed, repeating a bit of the conversation they had and asked me the fuller question again. "Do you prefer pineapple on pizza or not really?"
"It depends what goes with it. Sometimes it's good but other times I scratch it off."

She nodded, taking the information she wanted before turning back in her seat. I wish I can just talk to her the way he does. To have that confidence. It seems so easy, but yet whenever I open my mouth I just stutter and don't know what to say or where to start.

I hate it.

-

//shawn//

I must admit it, Tahnée is beautiful. But I know that Brian has his eye on her and I'm in no space or never in a sober thought ever want to violate the bro-code.

I'm not going for her.
I just simply want to make her feel more comfortable and at home here in Canada when I know she's homesick.

Brian told me about the text he sent her last night and I could see it bothering him. He always tries to make people happy, and what he just doesn't see is how happy he makes her.

When I see them together or when I see him doing something for her, she seems to forget about the sadness and longing to go back home. She's happy then. But I know deep in his mind he's doubting himself more than ever, and probably also comparing.

I just wish he'll stop doing that. Always breaking himself down.
It's not worth it.
Really.