Loving Brian | B.C

Part 53: behind the story

//brian//

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what if worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
The comfort of being with a person, and know, that in all imperfections, you're perfect. You feel free, spontaneous and wreck less in a sense of unacceptable behavior. Yet acceptable when together.

I wonder who she'll be with, who will be the next guy making her heart beat fast and slow at the same time? Who will be the guy who makes her happy in so many unconditional moments and love her without boundaries. I hope that guy appreciates her for her snorting laugh, her disability of not being able to smirk, how her eyes can see only the beautiful and how her mouth can only speak the words to make you feel good.
I hope they appreciat her mind. Her wild thoughts and moments where she just disappears in whatever daydream she has. I hope they run off with her, like she always wants to do.

But most of all, I hope that someday I'll be that person. That I'll be the one she runs off with or runs to. That I'll be there by her side, holding her hand and calling her mine.

But I guess a man can only dream about a girl like her, when in reality she's right infront of my face. Right infront of my very eyes. Just out of reach.

-

We played games for around half an hour before I saw her eyes growing heavier. "Should I take you home?" "Are you heading home anytime soon?" I nodded, "I think I'll leave around half past nine." "Then I'll go with you." She smiled, like all her energy throughout the day just regained in her soul. "Home with me?" "I don't know, I was just implying that you can then take me home." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'd rather let you stay the night, besides you haven't seen my place yet." I felt my heartbeat increasing when I spoked the words, hoping that it's not too much of a leap to let her stay over at mine.

"You know what, I haven't. Let's do it."
"Let's."
"But wait, I-I don't have clothes."
"Tahnée, you lent me your clothes when I was staying over, the least I can do is the same." I laughed, her cheeks burning a crimson colour.
I thought about her love for the poppies, yellow orange and red. Her favorite colours. Just like her cheeks are now blooming.

"What happened to you?" She whispered, her eyes almost squinted as she tried to figure me out.
I swallowed the lump that just formed in my throat. "I-uhm..." I looked down at me lap where my hands were restless. Fiddling with a monopoly dollar as I felt my eyes welled up. I saw her hand reaching out for mine, taking it in hers. "Tell me when you're ready, I just hope you know that you don't deserve what happened to you. Whatever it may be."
I looked up, locking my eyes straight on hers before blinking away my tears.

"Stephanie."
"What?"
"Her name was Stephanie." I swallowed another lump in my throat. "Brian you-" "No. It's okay." I kept on holdig her hand, finding a bit of closure in the presence of my disturbed heart. "I want to cut a long story, make it short. So uhm... she was new in our school in sophomore year. The first moment I layed my eyes on her I knew I wanted her to be mine. But no matter how hard I tried she just wouldn't give me a chance. I talked to Shawn about it in that time and he just said that, he knows it'll be hard but maybe it's best if I let it go. After all, she wasn't interested so why keep on fighting and just hurt myself."

She scooted closer to me.
"Basically a few months after, when I stopped fighting for her I was finally over it all. But then, she came to me. At then I didn't realize what it was all about and I wasn't sure what to do, but she asked me out to a dance that Friday night. All my emotions came back, everything I felt for her... all back. Lone behold, we 'dated' for a year."

I shifted my seat, rather lying down on my bed and looking up at the ceiling. "I was oblivious to what she's doing. She basically just used me to make her ex jealous and things went terribly wrong. But she was happy after it all, she got back with him and they totally deserve each other."
"What do you mean when you say that things went terribly wrong?"
"No, I don't want to worry you."
"Brian." She spoke softly, turning her body so that she sat crossed leg right beside me. "Please tell me."

I sat up a bit and lifted up my shirt, showing her my bare back. "I wonder what happened here." She said and I felt her fingertips running over the scar. "Her ex got mad about me being with her, although it was all fake for her, to him and me it seemed pretty real. One night we went to a club with her friends, I was dragged along. On Shawn's birthday." I lied back down.

"I didn't quite understood why I needed to go with her because she knew it was Shawn's birthday, but I understood why after we all left. Her ex came around the corner after we left and pulled me aside. His gang was in the alleyway right beside us. Sophie just disappeared with her friends. But I'll save you the tragic story. All I'll say is that I woke up in the hospital like two days later."

"Who found you?"
"Shawn."
"And the scar?"
"I was stabbed. But I don't know who did it. They kicked me and hit me but-"
"No, please do save me the tragic story."
I smiled at her. "But yeah, we broke up." I chuckled.

She pouted before laying down next to me, taking my hand in hers and intertwining our fingers as she rested her head on my chest.
"Well I'm happy you're here." She got comfortable. My heart started beating faster, my smile uncontrollable. Cheeks burning. "Yeah, me too."