Forgotten Conscience (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

Save Me, Help Me, Kill Me

Faith's POV

What have I done? I tried to kill Buffy... again. And now I find out I have no control over myself when I do try and kill her because whoever or whatever decided to put some drug in me and it makes me crazy.

I sit up in the hospital bed.

I can't let her do this. I'm a danger to her and everyone around her. What if the next time something sets me off, one of her friends gets caught in the crossfire? I'd never forgive myself if I hurt someone she cared about, never mind the fact that SHE would never forgive me if I hurt her friends... or worse. I have to stop her from helping me before it kills her.

I look over at the two guards standing about 10 feet away from me, like statues.

But how do I do it?

I look down at the bed and close my eyes.

No... it won't work. She would never let it happen. She's been so nice to me, trying to keep me safe from those things that go bump in the night... why? Why is she helping me? She's still helping me even though I'm a pawn in some evil plot to kill her. Why? Why do I know that if I told these commando boys to lock me in a cage where I'll never hurt anyone ever again she'd spend every waking moment finding a way to get me out?

There's something more going on. This can't just be about the guilt over trying to kill me. She's risking her life to help me. You don't just do that out of guilt. W-Was there... was there something between us that I don't remember?

I open my eyes and move to the edge of the bed, head in my hands.

Oh god, there probably was something between us. I mean that would explain a lot, the dreams, the weird tension I can't figure out, her whole constant desire to help me even though it could get her killed. It's starting to make sense I mean, if we were involved then there were feelings, and if there were feelings she probably still has them and is hoping I still do.

Do I have feelings for Buffy? I don't know... I'm grateful... for everything she's done to help me. I think she's a good person who's trying to do the right thing, but feelings? I can't have feelings for anyone. I don't even know what my feelings used to be so how do I know what my feelings are now?

I run my fingers through my hair.

I mean what if I get my memory back and it turns out I don't have feelings for Buffy? What if I don't even have a thing for girls? What if I don't like how she feels about me and think she's too clingy or something? There's no way for me to know for sure. The only thing I know for sure is that if I don't stop her she's gonna die, and I think there's only one way to do it. I've got only one chance. I have to stop her at any cost.

I look up as someone walks through the door.

"Buffy we, we have to..."

She walks in and knocks out both guards as she passes. She grabs my hand and tries to lead me away but I don't budge.

"Faith we have to go before..."

"No..."

I can't let her do this, it's the only way.

"Buffy we have to talk..."

"We can talk later, after we run."

Again she tries to leave but I stop her.

"Buffy we have to talk now because I need your help."

She turns to me and looks me in the eyes.

"Whatever it is, I will help you but now is not the time. We have to get out of here before these guards wake up."

Just do it before she gives you a reason not to.

"Buffy you have to kill me."