Forgotten Conscience (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

Ominous Tidings

Faith's POV

I'm standing in front of B, squaring off. We're moving back and forth. Ducking and weaving to avoid punches that neither of us is throwing. Then we get to the fun stuff.

She throws 3 punches and I dodge them easily. I duck for a leg sweep and take her legs out from under her, sending her flat on her back. I scramble on top of her, pinning her down at her waist. I grab her arms and pin them over her head. She smiles up at me and I can feel myself smile back as I lean down into her.

I swear I can feel her lips against mine as I kiss her deeply.

Well I like this. This is a lot of fun. I...

All of the sudden I feel my hands wrap around her neck.

What am I doing? I have to stop myself.

I don't stop, in fact, I start to strangle her. She gasps for breath but I don't stop. I put more weight on her neck and she tries to stop me but the lack of air in her lungs makes it impossible.

Why am I doing this? I don't want to do this, but I can't stop. I wanna stop but... something won't let me. Let me stop, please, for the love of god please somebody let me stop. I love this woman. I can't kill her. You can't make me kill her. I won't let you. I won't... I won't... I won't.

I can feel her neck snap under my fingers.

OH MY GOD!

I sit up in bed in a cold sweat.

What have I done? What did I do? Buffy?

I look down at Buffy who's waking up next to me.

She's okay, thank god she's okay.

"Faith?"

I hug my knees as she sits up next to me.

I thought this was over. These dreams were supposed to stop when I made my choice to be with B.

"Faith, what is it? What's wrong?"

"They... they were supposed to stop. We're together now... they were supposed to stop..."

"What was? Faith, talk to me."

I squeeze my eyes shut to try and block out the sheer terror I can't get rid of. She puts her arms around me and it only makes the feeling worse.

"The dreams... they should've stopped."

"Faith it's okay. It's just a bad dream."

"But it won't go away. Why won't it stop?"

She strokes my hair lovingly and I calm down a bit.

"What happened? Tell me what the dream was about."

"I... I can't..."

I can't tell her. If I do she'll freak out. Even if she does love me.

"Was I there?"

"You... you w..."

"What did I do? Did I do something to you?"

"No I... it was me... it's my fault..."

I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop.

"What was it? What did you do in your dream?"

"I-I hurt... you."

She doesn't say anything and I feel tears on my cheeks.

Oh god, I actually said it... and now she isn't saying anything. She isn't safe with me.

"I-I have to go."

I push her away despite her protests.

"Faith, don't. It was just a dream, it doesn't mean anything."

"I have to get away from you before..."

I get out of bed to get away but she grabs me by the waist and throws me back on the bed, climbing on top of me.

"Faith..."

I have to get away. She's not safe with me.

I try and throw her off me but she grabs my wrists and pins them above my head.

"Faith, look at me."

"No."

"Faith if you love me, look at me."

I stop moving and look at her through teary eyes.

"Do you wanna hurt me?"

"No... oh god no."

"Then don't go. Stay here."

"But..."

"Faith the only way you could hurt me is if you left me. It would hurt me worse than any fist in the face, worse than any kick to the head, and so much worse than any knife to the gut."

She puts her entire naked upper body against mine.

"You don't wanna hurt me? Then don't leave me... please?"

I look into her soulful eyes and I just can't do it.

I love her too much.

"Will you stay with me?"

"Buffy... I love you..."

She leans into me and kisses me gently.

"I'm sorry B, I didn't mean to..."

She puts a finger to my lips to quiet me.

"It's okay Faith."

She lies down next to me as I calm down, holding me tightly but in a loving way.

"You had a bad dream. It would've scared anyone, even me."

I snuggle up to her.

"I just... I don't wanna lose this feeling."

"What feeling is that?"

I turn my head to look in her eyes and kiss her gently.

"You know exactly what feeling I mean."

She grins at me.

"Of course I do. I just like hearing you say it."

I touch my hand to her cheek.

"I love you B. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"I love you too Faith."

We lie there together, staring into each other's eyes as the sun rises in the window.

I love her so much. I just hope I don't do something that would take her from me. I hope my dreams don't come true.