Forgotten Conscience (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

Crumbling Down Around Me

Buffy's POV

We haven't said anything since we left Giles' place a few minutes ago. I'm not sure either of us know what to say. How the hell do you start a conversation like this? I'm not sure I even have the words to talk about this. She's moving out, she's moving out and I know at least part of why she's moving out is because of what the guys said about the spell on her. She doesn't think what's between us is real anymore. But I know it is. I know in my heart it's real. But Faith isn't sure anymore, I could see it when she looked at me. I have to convince her not to move out... don't I?

Faith stops in the middle of the sidewalk and looks up and down the street.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure no one was following us."

"Why?"

"So I could do this..."

She grabs me by the belt and pulls me to her, kissing me as our bodies melt together.

God she's such an incredible kisser, I can't help but kiss back.

I feel her tongue slip into my mouth and it makes me weak in the knees. For a moment I forget everything that...

What am I doing? What is she doing? What's going on? I should... I should...

Her hand brushes against my suddenly erect nipple and I lean into her a little bit.

I have to, to stop this.

I push her away despite my racing heartbeat.

"What are you doing?"

"Um, kissing you?"

"Y-yeah but... but why?"

"Cause I figured we'd enjoy ourselves before our date."

Our date? Okay now I'm confused.

"What?"

"We're still going aren't we?"

What is she talking about?

"Faith! What... what about what you said back there, at Giles'?"

"What about it?"

"Faith you... you told them you were moving out."

"Well yeah."

"But why?"

"You were at the same meeting I was, weren't you B? I'm trying to do the right thing, for everyone."

The right thing for everyone? Hearing Faith say she's doing the right thing is kinda a shock.

"But..."

"Your friends don't trust me staying with you B, so I'm moving out. Isn't that what we good guys are supposed to do? The right thing and all that. This is what you wanted."

"What I wanted?"

"You wanted me to make peace with your friends and you know, make them trust me again."

But...

"But I don't want you to move out."

"Why not?"

I don't know how to answer that.

"I mean... what about all that talk this morning about going back and doing all those things that we didn't do?"

"What about it?"

"Well correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure people who... get in... involved don't live together first."

"Well I... no I, they don't but..."

"Then all the more reason that... I should move out. So we can, you know... do... things... right... and all that s-stuff."

She keeps stuttering when she tries to talk about us. This isn't really about her doing the right thing. This about me and her.

"Faith is this really about what my friends think?"

"Oh what? Are you gonna shrink me now B?"

"No, what I'm gonna do is tell you what I think you're thinking and then you'll tell me how wrong I am even though you know I'm right and then we're gonna fight about it."

"Well then, why don't we just skip it? I told you I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to go with it and see where it goes. That way we can go to the right thing instead."

She starts to walk away but I grab her arm and stop her.

"Faith this isn't about the right thing, this is about us. This is about how you're not sure that we have is real anymore. But it is. I know it is."

I reach out and touch her cheek. She closes her eyes and nuzzles her face into my touch.

"I can feel it when we touch."

I move closer to her, putting my hand on her other cheek and draw our lips near.

"I can taste it on your lips when we kiss."

She inhales quickly through her nose as I kiss her. It takes her a second but she kisses me back and I feel it.

I love her, and I know by the way she kisses me back that she loves me too, whether she admits it or not.

I close my eyes and savor the feeling of Faith's lips against mine. She breaks our kiss and pushes away. But part of me is still living in the moment.

"Faith..."

I open my eyes to see Faith backing away.

"Don't you see? We're meant to be together. I know you felt it."

"Yes... I did."

Thank god.

"But it was fake."

No...

"It was the spell telling me I'm attracted to you, and that I wanted you. Which I'm fine with feeling, at least until the spell gets fixed."

"Faith, I-I know what it's like to be under a love spell and it's not like this."

I get closer to her.

"A love spell is shallow and empty, what we have is deep and passionate, which is real."

"Okay you... you've gotta stop with this we stuff. Maybe what you feel is real but as far as I'm concerned anything I might be feeling is all part of some screwed up evil plan to drive me insane."

I-I don't know what to say.

"FINE!"

I don't know why I'm angry with her but I need to yell.

"If that's the way you really feel about it then just GO! Go ahead and move out and leave me if you want. Just give up on us before we even start."

"Okay I will. As soon as Red fixes me I'm outta here."

"If that's what you really want."

"I'm gonna blow this pop stand and everyone in it."

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

She turns around and starts to walk away.

"Fine!"

I turn around and start to walk the other way.

If she's gonna give up and leave me then I'm not gonna stop her.

I turn around to stop her and freeze.

No, I'm not gonna be pathetic and go running after her, begging her to stay.

I turn and leave.

If we're truly meant to be then we'll be together again. If she really does care about me like I know she does then she'll come back to me... I think... I... hope...

I suddenly find myself in a graveyard.

Good, I could use a good slay.