Forgotten Conscience (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

Chicken Soup for the Suicidal Slayer's Soul

Buffy's POV

Kill her? She wants me to kill her?

"Faith, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not gonna kill you."

"But... but Buffy it's the only way."

"Only way?"

"It's the only way to stop me from hurting anyone else."

Why does she think she's hurt someone?

"Faith you haven't hurt anyone."

"I tried to kill you."

"Yeah but look..."

I pat myself down like I'm checking for all my body parts.

"I'm fine... and besides you trying to kill me is nothing new. You've tried to kill me before and I told you how that turned out. Remember our little coma talk?"

Okay why do I feel like I'm over compensating with the humor?

"I know you're okay now, but, how long is it gonna last? How long will it be till I can't stop myself from killing you in your sleep? How long will it be until someone gets caught in the crossfire? I'd never be able to live with myself if I hurt someone you cared about and I don't think you'd ever forgive me and I know I couldn't live with THAT."

She cares about me? I knew it wasn't one sided I just... hey, stay focused.

"Faith... the truth is I'm not sure how I'd react if you hurt my friends because I'd know it wasn't your fault, not entirely. Anything you've done, anything you might do is because of that damn vampire cult. It's their fault, not yours."

"I know but..."

I take a step towards her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"And besides, you'll have me by your side to stop you if something goes wrong."

She looks down in shame.

"But what if..."

I put my hand under her chin and lift it up till we're eye to eye.

"You'll deal, I know you will."

"How? How can you know when I don't?"

It's like she's giving up. I can't let her do that. It's not going to make things better.

"I know because I know you. You always find a way to deal with stuff."

"Maybe I could've if I was the old Faith but I'm not. I don't know how or why the old Faith might've been able to deal with being a threat to everyone around her but I can't... I won't. That's why you have to help me."

She reaches out and hugs me. I can feel her start to cry.

This isn't working. I'm trying to be there for her but she's got herself convinced that there's only one way to stop her, which isn't true. I'm not getting through to her. The caring approach isn't working if this is how she's started thinking. I may have to give her a little tough love.

"How?"

I pull her off me.

"How would killing you help you, hmm?"

She takes a few steps back and tries to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"What?"

This might be a bad idea but I have to try and get through to her before she becomes some suicidal loser like Spike.